Annalisa, Samantha and I are sharing a bottle of wine over the Chicken Cacciatore and caprese salad Annalisa made for dinner. She definitely cooks way better than she bakes.
Samantha is quiet, which is not like her, but given what she went through, we know she's still processing and dealing with everything.
I struggle with myself on what I want to say, but I want Samantha to feel safe, that she can talk to us if she wants to.
I clear my throat, setting my fork down. "A year ago...Annalisa and I were abducted." Annalisa's head snaps up in my direction.
"There was another friend with us, too. We were starved, and beaten. They tortured Annalisa and our friend Joey.
For days I had to watch these monsters hurt my friends and I couldn't do anything to stop them. I still hear their screams or cries at night, sometimes...I don't even remember what my friend Joey's laugh was like."
Annalisa sniffles, quietly. "Annalisa and I were both sexually assaulted. I was pregnant at the time and when it was all over, I woke up in a hospital a few days later, I learned I lost my baby." A tear falls down my face.
Samantha reaches over and holds both mine and Annalisa's hands. "I'm so sorry, for the both of you."
I wipe my face and take a deep breath, "The world is full of evils, lies and pain and you can't hide from it. I'm sorry for what you went through yesterday, Sam." Her eyes glisten as she looks back at me. She leans back on her chair and then looks at her hands.
"It was planned. I had turned down the man that was in the room, when he first approached me out on the streets. Something about him, just wasn't right. As the night went on, the second one approached me and he seemed nice..."
"Little did I know they were working together. The first guy followed us and they ambushed me as we walked into the apartment..." She begins crying. They told her they were going to 'cleanse her', that they are doing her a favor because no one could ever love who she is.
She tells us her parents had said something similar to her, telling her she was evil and going to hell. They told her, in their eyes she was dead to them. "Maybe they were right. I mean, look at what happened..."
"Don't you believe that shit, Sam." Annalisa tells her.
"You're amazing Samantha. Don't let their narrow-minded beliefs change how you see yourself. People are always afraid of what they don't understand. They try to justify their own insecurities by trying to tear others down around them." I tell her.
Both Annalisa and I stand to give her a hug. After a while she pulls back. "Thank you girls. And thank you for sharing some of your past with me." She tells me.
I sit back down. "It's the first time I've talked about it with someone other than, Annalisa or Paolo. So thank you for making me feel safe around you to share it with you." I smile at her.
We start eating our dinner again but I see her eyeing me suspiciously. "What?"
"It's literally eating at me." She sets her fork down and crosses her arms. I look at Anna who shrugs and then looks back at Sam.
"What?" I repeat.
"Paolo, how good is he in bed?"
"Samantha!" I look at her exasperated. "I told you before, he's our cousin!"
She snorts. "Right..." Apparently she wasn't sold on that. "So, who was the father....of the baby?" I shake my head, not looking at her.
"Maybe another day." She says quietly.
I don't say anything as I don't think that's likely, yet. I didn't think missing him would hurt more than what he actually did.
We hear the door lock rattle as Topo unlocks the door and walks in.
"Ladies."
We greet him in return. "Why does everything that comes out of his mouth sound so dirty?" Samantha whispers. I roll my eyes, while Annalisa grins at her.
"How are you feeling, Samantha?" He asks as he washes his hands at the kitchen sink.
"Better, thank you." She smiles at him.
"Good. Stella, Anna, how was your guys' day?" He sits down in between Annalisa and Samantha and dishes himself some food.
"It's been ok. Zeeko has a new door installed and was having an alarm system set up when I left." He nods as he eats. Annalisa tells him her day was fine, as she sips her wine.
"How was your day?" I ask as I take sip of wine. I initially didn't like wine but it's grown on me.
"Good, busy. Boss called. I gotta leave for an assignment in the morning." He says referring to Cristian.
"Oh, no." I say disappointed. "You're going to miss the championship, tomorrow."
"I know. Please tell me, Zeeko is planning on going?" He says as he takes a large drink from his wine glass, well mug, we're not exactly living high end.
"Yes, he is and so is Annalisa." I assure him.
"I'll be there, too." Samantha tells me, even though I told her she doesn't need to go out especially with what she's been through. I give her a look.
"What else am I going to do?" She tells me. "I'm not going to be going out for a while, after what happened." No one says anything. I already told her I'd rather she never go out again, at night. But it's her life and her choice if she decides to go out at night someday.
"Do you know how long you'll be?" I turn the attention back on Topo. Who's finishing up and picking up our plates with his. "A couple of weeks at least. Sam, you're welcome stay here if you want, while I'm gone."
She looks over at me. I nod my head, "Yes, of course. Even tonight, if you want." She thanks us and tells us she's going to go change. I stand letting Annalisa and Topo know, I'm going to go change as well and then come back to clean up.
On my way back into the kitchen, I freeze when I walk in on Annalisa and Topo hugging. As they pull back it looks like Annalisa is leaning up. Topo has an uncertain look on his face, they both look at me and pull away from each other quickly. Annalisa rushes past me towards her room, muttering about forgetting something.
I turn back to Topo, his face is flushed. I saunter over to him, pulling my lips in, with my eyebrows raised as he glances up at me. He's tries to appear busy, washing dishes.
"What?" He says gruffly.
"Don't you 'what' me, Mr." Grinning widely, as I lean over the counter across from him.
"I'm back!" Samantha announces as she walks in, saving Topo from the interrogation I was just about to unleash on him. He dries his hands and says he has to run to the store to grab some last minute things before he leaves tomorrow.
"Did I miss something?" She asks me, following me into the kitchen as I finish up cleaning up and putting the leftovers away. I laugh telling her I'm not sure myself.
I didn't want to say anything, without talking to Annalisa first. Thankfully, Samantha doesn't push it any further and helps me with the dishes.
As she settles on the couch to watch a movie. I decide to go check in on Annalisa. I knock on her door and she tells me to come in. She's sitting on the bed with her journal on her lap.
"You alright?" I ask her. She shakes her head no at me. I walk in and close the door behind me.
"What's going on?" I sit next to her and rub her arm. She wipes at her face and takes a deep breath, leaning against the wall.
"I'm just confused, scared, angry and feeling guilty."
I ask her to explain why she's feeling each of those emotions.
"I feel angry because I should be upset that I killed someone yesterday but I didn't feel anything. I pictured Jimmy and Alfonso when I shot him. I wanted him to be them, when they were hurting me a year ago.
I feel scared that I'm never going to be able to forget what happened. That my mind will be stuck in this endless loop of nightmares and bad memories and life will just pass me by. It's been over a year and it doesn't feel like that much time has passed since it happened.
I'm confused because...I...I think I like Topo, but I don't know if I'm confusing what I'm feeling with just being comfortable around him since everything's happened. He's so caring and he's helped me so much with my anxiety from the moment you guys came for me but...then I feel guilt because I think of Joey. I don't want to lead Topo on because..." Her breath hitches.
"...before everything happened, I was having feelings for him...for Joey..." She sobs quietly.
I squeeze her hand. "I know, Anna."
She glances over at me, her eyebrows furrowed. "You do?"
I can't help the small laugh that comes out. "Of course I did, you're my best friend. I've been there with each guy you liked—not that there's been a lot, that sounded bad, sorry.
You've only dated three guys since I've known you. But there was always something there between you and Joey. Even though you drove each other nuts."
"I haven't even tried to reach out to him, other than checking on how he's doing through Enzo. What's wrong with me?" She asks me as tears pool in her eyes.
"Nothing. You, me and even Joey I'm sure, are all still working through everything that happened. You're scared and feel guilty because they played their mind games on us. They made him think it was his fault, on why they hurt you, because he wouldn't give them information on Isabella."
"But I know it wasn't his fault. I feel like that's all he will see and think of, if he sees me again. I don't want him to relive that over and over again when he looks at me."
I tell her it will take time for all us to not have those images and memories flash in our heads as frequently. I also address her concerns about Topo. He is a good guy and if she has feelings for him, I tell her to let herself feel those emotions. But to take time for herself first. I laugh a little when I finish.
"Honestly, Anna, I'm probably the worst person to talk to about feelings. I keep pushing thoughts of JP away. I miss him so much."
She squeezes my hand. "You have a big heart even though you've been hurt, you still let others in. Not to mention you give the best hugs on the planet. You don't give those fake, quick hold and let go hugs. You hold people, Stella. You let them feel your love for them and I can tell you it's the best feeling."
I wipe at my eyes and hug her and then we both laugh because we are hugging. A knock comes at the door.
"Can I join the party?" Samantha asks as she pokes her head in. We nod and she walks in closing the door. She sits at the bed. "I don't know about you two, but I could use a little escape right about now?"
She pulls out a ziplock bag from the pocket of her robe and shows us her stash of weed. Annalisa and I share a look and smile, nodding back at her.
A couple of hours later, Topo finds us completely faded. He tells us if he wasn't traveling in the morning he would have joined us. He ends up sleeping in my room, while the three of us end up falling asleep, awkwardly on Annalisa's bed.
In the morning, we all wake up slightly hung over from the wine we had at dinner and then the hash session afterwards. We're also stiff and groan as we make our way around the kitchen, getting water, medicine and teas to help alleviate some of our symptoms.
"Damn, I need to make sure I take a nap before the fight tonight." I say, half asleep.
Annalisa tries to tell me to skip it, but I don't want to. I'm not sure when another assignment will come in from Cristian and I know that the fighting helps me release a lot of the pent up anger and frustration I have that I don't let go from training alone.
Topo gives me a hug before he leaves. He pulls something from his bag and hands it to me. It's a thick envelope.
"I think you're ready for this."
"What is it?"
"Do you remember when Timo stopped us before we left his house that night?" I nod, recalling the memory.
"He said this was from Dominic. I don't know what's in it, but I think you're in a better place to handle whatever it is."
He wishes me luck on my fight and kisses my head as he moves on to Annalisa. I try to not stare too much as he hugs Annalisa but I can see she's still conflicted by the expression on her face. He tells us not to do anything crazy while he's gone for the next two weeks.
I decide to send Enzo a text asking about Joey, while Annalisa does some Yoga and then meditation. Samantha ends up taking a nap on the couch.
Enzo responds rather quickly. He says Joey is doing good considering everything that he's been through. He does suffer from nightmares, insomnia and anxiety attacks but he's started back up with training, with the men again. And he sees a therapist weekly.
He tells me Joeys asks about me and Annalisa, to see how we are doing as well. I sit and wonder if it would be a good idea to call him one day. I look over at Annalisa and decide it's probably too soon for both of them, but maybe I could try.
I decide to do some Yoga and meditation as well, but I'm overcome with drowsiness quickly and head to my room to nap and catch up on what I need before the fight. I fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow which never happens...
*******
"Why...why are you here?" I straighten my shoulders and lift my chin as I face him. But my shaky voice betrays me.
"To see you, of course. I know you're still mad at me, princess." John Paul's breath fans over my face with how close he's standing to me. The familiar scent of his cologne, fills my senses and I practically moan from that alone.
It's been too long...