I want to be
I want to be the one you love
So listen to me
I don’t want to be the one you lost
We Should Go To France ~ Urban Cone
Troye
I woke up in the middle of the night, for some unknown reason. There was no light in the room. Everything was quiet. I checked my clock. It said it was 3:33 - half the devil's number. Why on earth had I woken up?
As I settled back in my bed I heard the sound of something clattering against the window. I looked over at it, faced with a pitch black sky. I waited for the noise, hoping I was just hearing things. No other sounds occurred. My eyelids grew heavy. Before they were fully shut, the noise came again.
Something - correction, a rock hit the window. Flicking on my bedside light, I slid out of bed. I ambled over to the window, wondering what was happening. Carefully I opened the window. I scanned the front garden below, spotting the face of the one and only Tyler. He had his arm behind his head, about to launch another stone. He dropped it when he saw my face, smiling from ear to ear. The stone fell into the pool, creating a large splash.
"Shanghai!" he said, a little to loudly.
"Tyler what the fudge are you doing?" I hissed. I prayed that I didn't wake anyone, knowing they'd be grumpy at that time in the morning.
"I came to get you of course. Come down, I have a plan."
"Couldn't you've waited until daybreak?"
He shook his head and crossed his arms over his chest. That boy was too stubborn for his own good. With a sigh I told him I'd come down.
Although I was mystified by his unannounced arrival, I couldn't help but embrace the fizz of excitement within me. I guessed I was falling for this boy, hard - and I wanted to fall. I wouldn’t have cared if I crashed, as long as Tyler crashed with me.
I shoved on some clothes on the dark, without checking what I was wearing. I tried to sort out my hair but it seemed determined to flop over my eyes. Reluctantly I had to leave it, not wanting my boyfriend to freeze to death.
I crept down the stairs, not wanting anyone to catch me leaving. When one stair creaked I froze. I waited to hear someone wake up, to send me back to bed and tell me off. Surprisingly, apart from Tyde's sleepy murmur, the house remained silent. I kept going, soon reaching the front door. I left a note on the coffee table for my parents, in case they woke before I was back.
Outside the cold winter air sliced my skin. I shivered, wishing I'd put on a jumper. It was too late to change my clothes though. I'd forgotten to bring a set of keys with me, and we didn't keep a pair outside. I forced myself to walk, towards Tyler. When he saw my aproaching figure, he smiled sweetly. He walked forward, meeting me half way. Upon reaching me, his arms promptly wrapped around my neck. My arms wrapped round his waist. I didn't mind waking ridiculously early if it meant being in his arms.
"Oh my god you're freezing," he breathed into my shoulder.
"Well, it just proves how much I like you, if I'm willing to sacrifice my warmth."
He stiffened, leaving my arms. "Don't ever sacrifice anything for me, okay?"
"Ty, I don't care if I'm cold as long as I'm with you." He looked away with a pained expression. "Tyler?"
"I think I have a spare coat in my car. Come with me. We don't have much time."
"Time for what?"
He spun around. A wan smile formed on his lips. "To see the sunrise."
*
After a long car journey, we pulled up at Preston Park. We were only passing through it, in order to reach the beach. Why we didn't just park by the sea, I didn't know. But I knew he must've had a good reason for it. He carried a towel and a blanket under one arm, held my hand with his other. With the soft twitter of birds we walked through the vacant park. Memories breezed past me - some from my childhood, most from the day we came together.
"Do you remember when we trained here?" I asked, pulling myself out of nostalgia.
"How could I forget?" he said with a laugh. "It wasn't that long ago."
He was right, it hadn't been ago. Yet so much had happened since that meeting. I'd changed that day, even if I hadn't realised it then. I grateful for that change, otherwise I may have never been with Tyler.
"The oak tree never recovered from when we attaked it," Tyler observed after a moment. I looked over, seeing a blackened tree standing amongst healither trees, all bare as winter drew nearer. I should've felt guilty for killing a tree, yet I felt pride, seeing my mark upon the earth.
"Oh, and here is where you first called me Tilly," he said, once we reached the hilltop.
"And here is where you said you kinda liked it."
"You remember what I said?"
"Of course I did." I slowed down. "You know, I'd been waiting a long time to find an excuse to meet you before we came here."
"Really?" He asked, his features holding the usual glee. "It's odd because... I'd been about to ask you to meet me out of school, but you beat me to it."
I smiled at that, knowing we'd both felt the same way back then. "Are you saying I have bigger balls than you?"
"Well, I'm not sure. We'll gave to wait to see about that, when we- if we-"
I laughed, squeezing his hand. Then I took a moment to appreciate the scenery around us. Everything looked different in the ealy hours of the morning. Plants bristled in the wind, colours hidden by the blackened sky. Dewdrops laced the feeble grass below our feet. The smell of rotting leaves was powerful in the dark, reminding me of morgues. From the hilltop I could see the town, laid out below us. The roads were mainly empty, with hardly any cars driving along. Only dog walkers moved along the badly illuminated streets. Few shops were lit up, and even fewer were open.
"Looks like Subway's the only thing open this early," Tyler said.
"I've never been to it. I guess that's something we can go do during christmas break."
He sighed, almost inaudibly. "I can't go with you."
"Wait what?"
He shook his head. "Come on, we need to keep walking."
We moved on, trying to forget that conversation. We kept talking, exchanging jokes whenever suitable. It didn't happen often, seeing as I could hear the underlying tension in his voice. I couldn't guess what'd happened, but I was determind to do whatever I could to relax him.
As the sky began to lighten we reached Ironbay. Tyler laid out the towel on the sand. I took off my coat, as did he, even though the air was still bitter. We took off our shoes as well, then glanced at one another.
With a nod we were running barefoot across the vacant beach. I chased him across the sand, laughing in glee whilst the wind whipped around us. I would stretch my arms out, fingers brushing against his shirt, but then he would speed up again. No matter what, he always seemed out of my reach. Eventually he became worn out, and I swooped him up in my arms. He giggled as I spun us around, in our own paradise. When I too grew tired, we moved towards the towel and plummeted down.
Side by side we sat looking out as the sky evolved from blue to orange. We watched the gentle ebbing waves as they lapped against the shore. The serene setting had me resting my head upon his shoulder, absorbing the peace. He wrapped the blanket around our bodies. We were so close I could feel the heat of his body warm mine, could hear the soft whisper of his breath as he exhaled. Despite the closeness he felt so far away, caught up in thoughts I could never know.
He placed his hand over mine. I gazed up at him, finding his blue eyes already locked on me. He brought his hand up to cup my cheek, beaming down at me. Tyler leaned in, lips parting slightly, resting them upon mine. His kiss was soft. Heat between us radiated outwards. We began to glow brighter than the rising sun.
His hands gripped on to my hips, and he rolled me on top of him as he laid down on the towel. My hair fell over my eyes. He smiled, twirling the curls between his fingers. My hand trailed from his neck to his heart. His heartbeat was familiar, linked with my own. The sounds of the ocean grew distant. I looked at him, silently asking his permisson before leaning down, desperate to feel his touch again.
All of a sudden the kiss grew urgent. His legs wrapped round my waist, pulling me down. Friction had us both panting as our mouths clashed. I tugged his lip with my teeth, causing him to moan my name. His fingers ran across my back. He started sparking fire into my shoulders. The odd sensation electrified me. My toes dug into the sand, curling in rapture. My mouth left his, taking his earlobe between my teeth. He breathed heavily, warming me up. My pulse threatened to break through my veins. My hands crept lower down his chest, to the edge of his shirt. My fingertips grazed his skin. Every part of my body was craving to feel the smoothness of his bare skin against mine-
Tyler’s hand pressed flat against my chest, pushing me away. “Stop. We have to stop.”
I listened, stopping right away. I moved off of him completely, and sat on my knees. He had every right to stop us. I just didn’t know if it was something I did. I watched him copy my position, voice quivering when I asked, “What’s wrong?”
“I can’t do this anymore.”
My breath left my body. It made sense then. That was why he had become distant - he didn’t want this anymore. “Are you breaking up with me?” I asked, but I already knew the answer.
“Troye…” He began, shuffling closer to me. He caught the tear that rolled down my cheek. “I don’t want to. Believe me when I say I wouldn’t mind spending rest of my life with you. But... I can’t... The government are here, in this town. They drove past me yesterday. I’m not safe here anymore. Mom’s already packed everything. We’re leaving today. I just… I had to say goodbye.”
I tried not to gasp. They'd found him? Why were they even looking for him in the first place? The last words sunk in. He was leaving.
"But how would they know you're here?"
"You know when we went on our first date, and after the restaurant I kept looking in the shadows? It's because I saw someone's eyes. And there was that thing when we went to the park, with those people. I think someone's being following me for a while, but I just don't know who. Something recently must've assured them it was me here, but I don't know what..."
“Where are you going to?”
“I don’t know. Somewhere far away, where they can’t find us. Maybe across the border or something.”
“I don’t want you to go.”
“I have to.”
“Let me come with you then. If we quickly go to mine, I can pack up the few things I need. Or nothing at all, I mean I don't need-”
“No." He rose swifly. "You can’t come. I don’t want you getting hurt.”
“Surely the safest place is at your side?” I asked, standing opposite him.
“They don’t know about you yet. You have a chance to live. I want you to live happily, even it if it’s without me.”
“I don’t think that’s possible.”
"It will be even if you can't see that yet."
"Please don't do this to me..."
He looked back at me. His eyes were glistening, threatening to release tears. I was pulled into his arms. Tears lept out my eyes. Cries racked through my body. His arms were home to me, and soon I'd be homeless. He kept whispering apologies and saying one day things would get better. I could see no light in this situation. He was leaving. Forever. Before I knew it, the embrace ended. I studied his face, hoping it wasn't for the last time. “Will I ever see you again?”
He framed my face in his hands. Slowly he traced my lips. His thumb ran over my cheekbone, over the birthmark I’d always loathed. It was like he trying to map out my face, so he didn’t forget it.
“I promise you, if you need me, I’ll come in a heartbeat. But for now… I guess the memories will have to do.”
The sun was almost fully risen. Sirens started to echo around us. Shops started to open. A distant church rang out the changing of an hour.
“I have to go now...” He said quietly.
I took in a deep breath. I had to tell him something, something I'd meant to say for a while. "I guess this is the only time I'll say this. Tyler, I-”
Tears streamed down my face, choking me with too much sadness. The rest of the words never came. I closed my eyes, wanting to wake up from the nightmare I was living.
He planted one last kiss on my forehead. His lips were as sweet as the moon's final smile before dawn. “It doesn't need to be said. I know.”He removed his hands. I heard him take a step away. My warmth melted away. When I opened my eyes in the new light, he was gone.
A/N
Watt is love? Baby don’t hertz me
Yep that's the end of the story. It's been nice. Have a good life.
I'm just messing, haha banter banter lolzor... I'm sorry.
I've been thinking about changing the cover but I just don't know... If anyone's interested in maybe possibly creating one then hiillo inbox me maybe possibly...
Coolio, imma hide away before y'all sharpen the pitchforks.
Au revoir mes petits pois
Emma x
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