I'm laying down on the couch in Jason's basement. We've been lounging around, since cleaning the basement and pool area. Some idiots were actually outside last night goofing off. I have on panties and his shirt as I lay with back to him. Jason has on a tank top and jogging pants. Today has to be the first day that we haven't had sex, since I been at his house.
I play with Jason's fingers as I stare at the movie he put on half an hour ago. I wasn't really paying attention to the movie. All I know is that it's an action movie, and I'm not into action movies like that. Jason moves my legs to put between his legs to get more comfortable.
"Baby, I'm going to watch t.v. in your room."
He kisses the back of my neck and holds me tighter. "We can watch what you want when this go off."
"Can we talk?"
"Always."
Leslie been weighing heavy on my mind, since hearing her voicemail. I just haven't figured out how to tell him that I hacked into his phone. I really don't consider it hacking, because it's not like it took me a lot of time to get into it. I just happened to remembered a pattern he used on his phone some time ago.
"Why is Leslie blowing your phone up?"
Jason lifts his body up and turns me around, so that I'm laying on my back. "You went through my phone?"
Is this a trick question? He knows I went through his phone, if I'm asking him why she is calling him too much. I just look at his face not answering. We have a staring contest for the next three minutes with neither of us blinking, or moving.
Jason sits all the way up on the couch and pushes my legs to the side. "You are unbelievable, Melissa."
Oh, shit. He called me by my name. I sit up on the couch and watch as he stares at the television with an angry look on his face.
"How?" I know how, but I just don't want him to shut down on me, because I know he will. Jason turns his face to me slightly narrowing his eyes. I look down at my fingers and decide that I'm going to stop pushing his buttons. "You left it there on the night stand." I'm not sure exactly why I say this, but it sounds good thinking it in my head.
"Oh, I forgot I can't leave my phone in my room in my house." He looks at me again.
Point taken. I try not to get an attitude back, but he still hasn't answer my question. We're just beating around the bush about how he feels about me going through it. We can still discuss that, but maybe after he tells me why his ex is blowing him up. Why she is leaving messages that sounds serious as hell?
"Why is she calling you?"
Jason's jaw tightens as he looks at me. "I don't think that's your business, but to diffuse this whole thing . . ." He gestures toward us. "I'll talk to you about it."
I can tell right away that he has an attitude. I keep my mouth shut and refrain from rolling my eyes at how he is acting towards me.
"I don't know why she is calling me, but if you want you can ask her. Matter fact, next time you go through my phone, take her number down and let me know what she wants."
I cut my eyes at him. It's never that serious.
"I don't talk to her to find out what she wants, because you're already insecure when it comes to us. Have I gave you any reason to not trust me?"
I do trust him, but I don't trust her. There's a difference. "I trust you." I say quietly.
"No, you don't. I just changed the code to my phone, and you already know what it is and snooping through my phone."
"Well, it wasn't that hard." I mutter as I stare at the television. Suddenly, I'm interested in the movie.
Jason just looks at me not entertained by my response. "I'm sure you know that's not the point."
"Why are you locking your phone and changing pass codes?" I turn to him in frustration. I'm not sure if I have solid ground to be pissed, but the thought of him keeping secrets are hurtful.
"I changed the pass code last night, when Leslie first started calling me. I knew you knew the other password and how you get, when you see that I have missed alerts. I didn't know how to explain to you that Leslie was calling me every hour, so I changed the pass code completely. You know, to avoid this." He looks back at me.
Oh. I feel stupid as I turn away from him.
"I don't know why she is calling me, Mel. I haven't said more than two words to her since you and I got back together. Even on days like this, when we argue, I don't talk to her. How can you think that I'm cheating on you? I'm under you all the time, Mel. This whole break I've been with you."
I can't look at him, because I know he is telling the truth. I don't know what I was thinking earlier, but I wish I would have thought every thing through, before accusing him once again of cheating on me. I know that he's probably tired of my accusations by now.
"What's going on with you, Mel? Why do you think that I will do something stupid on you?"
I look into his eyes and he looks really hurt. I don't have a good answer. Well, no answer that sounds decent to say it out loud. I shrug my shoulders. "Not sure."
Jason moves closer to me on the couch. "Talk to me."
I sigh. "I don't know where my insecurities are coming from, Jay. I just know that at times I feel like this love is so damn good that something bad will happen. That you can't be this great boyfriend that loves me and only me."
"Why can't I?"
"You're amazing. You're the boy that I've always wanted and now that you're mine, it's hard to believe that you are crazy about me. I keep waiting to wake up."
Jason pinches me on the arm, and I push him away giving him a look.
"Not a dream, baby. I'm in love with you. I keep asking you this, but I need you to trust me, Mel. It gets tiresome explaining every single thing I do."
"I am trying."
"Stop lying. If you were trying, you wouldn't had insisted on breaking the code on my phone."
"It wasn't hard." I repeat the words I said earlier. I roll my eyes. "You only had three pass codes that you switch up from time to time."
"I know, but that's my point. You know me so well that you automatically knew I switch up to the same pass codes from time to time. Instead of just walking away, you went through my phone. Saw a couple hundred missed calls from Leslie and started thinking crazy."
"I just wanted to know the deal behind the voice mails."
"You went through my voice mails? I don't even check my voice mails."
"You should, because her messages sound urgent." I say as I look away from him.
Jason shakes his head as I turn back to him. "Mel, I'm going to be honest and tell you that I don't think this will work, if you don't put a little trust in me. It's not that I don't want us to be together, but I can't deal with being with someone who doesn't trust me fully."
"I don't trust her."
"You don't trust me. It's not about how you feel about other girls who wants me. If you trust me fully, them girls wouldn't matter to you. You would understand that no matter what they did or said, that I'm bringing my all back to you. You would understand that no matter how much girls are in my face, that I'm always giving you a hundred percent all the time. You would trust me to be in the room with a hundred pretty girls and know that I'm only thinking about you. That's trust."
"Do you trust me?"
I wait for him to say no, so that I can end this argument with him.
"Yes, I do trust you. When you told me that you didn't do anything with Cameron, I trusted that it was the truth. I trust you with my whole heart, Mel. No lie. You could be alone in a room with Cameron, and I know for a fact that you will turn him down."
"If you seriously believed that, you wouldn't have damn near caused a car accident to go back to the club to confront him."
"I was pissed at you for lying to me about what's going on. That didn't have anything to do with my trust. I already knew that you weren't doing anything, but I was pissed that you were keeping secrets from me."
"Didn't sound like it that day." I mutter to myself.
"If I didn't trust you, Mel, we wouldn't be together. That's it. If I honestly believed that you were with him in a way that you shouldn't have been, we wouldn't be right here, right now. I do trust you and that's why I let it go so easily."
"You call sitting in a car, defining the word cheating is letting it go easily?" I ask incredulously.
"Yes, because I could have told you it's over, but I trust you."
I roll my eyes. I'm getting a little tired of this topic. "I'll try to trust you a little more."
"Don't try to pacify me, Mel. Tell me you will and mean that."
"I will." I look back at him, wishing that I would have kept my mouth shut. I should have just went to Leslie myself.
I do believe I trust him a lot. I don't know how much more I can do to show him that. Going through his phone is not a sign that I don't trust him, but just making sure that he's staying on the right track with our relationship. He doesn't look at it that way.
Jason stretches as he stands up. "I'm about to make dinner."
"Okay." I don't look up as he walks pass me. I hate it when we get like this. This relationship shit is not easy.
"Ay." I look up at Jason as he stands near the steps. "I love you, baby."
I give him a weak smile. "I love you more."
He runs up the basement steps, and I relax on the couch with thoughts about him. I think my biggest fear is the possibility of letting him go one day. I'm going to try to let go of that thought. It's making our relationship a little more difficult than it has to be.
*****
We had just gotten done eating, and I was washing dishes. I keep thinking about the talk we had in his basement. Jason puts his arms around my body and kisses the back of my neck. I smile a little at his touch. I think I love him too hard, and I'm falling too fast for him. Love is a very crazy emotion.
"I have to pick my parents up from the airport tomorrow at four. We're going out to dinner. I was thinking that maybe you and your family can join us."
"I don't know." I say as I wash the remaining dishes.
"I think that we should talk to our parents about our feelings. Maybe put them at ease, you know? Let them know that we're still going to go straight to college after we graduate. My mom thinks that we're going to elope after Senior year, and your mom thinks that you won't go to college."
I dry my hands and turn around in his arms. "I feel nervous about going to dinner with your mom." I admit.
Jason laughs. "Why? My mom looks at you like a daughter she's never had. That's why we need to all go out to dinner. The sooner that we all talk it out over at dinner, the better our relationship will be. Your mom can see that I still want you to do the things that she wants you to do. My mom can see that you're pushing me to follow through with my goals. This will be great. It's been a while since both of our families have come together."
It has been a while since we all came together, but that doesn't mean I'm eager to get us all together. Jason has a big smile on his face.
"Okay."
"Great. I'll call my mom and see if she's okay with it."
I give a tiny nod as he kisses my forehead. It's not that I don't want to go out with his parents. It's just since becoming his girlfriend that they don't look at me the same way. It's like how my mom doesn't look at him as 'Oh, that's just Jason' anymore. Now she looks at him like, 'Oh, if this boy gets my baby pregnant...'
Jason begins giving me kisses on the face, and I push him away smiling at him. "Stop giving me wet kisses!"
He loosens his arms around me, looking into my eyes. "It'll be fine. They are the same people you have known for fourteen years."
I know this, but it doesn't make me feel any better about dinner.
*****
I turn around in my bed and pull the covers over my body. Jason had brought me home at one this morning. I'm missing him so much that I feel like I can't go to sleep. I grab my phone off the pillow next to me to look at the time. It's after five in the morning. He's probably sleeping and snoring somewhere in his house by now. I decide to send him a quick message.
Cant sleep without u. Miss u.
I put my phone down, but it vibrates right away with a message.
I know. Miss u mo. I sleep betta wit u.
I smile at his text and lay on my back.
Aww. U too sweet.
Im bn honest. Dont forget to talk to ur mom bout dinner when she comes home.
K
Ima try to get some sleep. Love u more.
Naw. I love u more.
I said it first. (sticking my tongue out at u)
I laugh at his text shaking my head.
Go to sleep. U so childish.
U first.
Stop texting me. Im tryin.
U a try lie.
Whateva. Ima try to get some rest. C u tomorrow. Ima miss u til then.
Miss u more. Had fun with u this past week. Can't wait for us to live together.
I stare at his last message. It's so hard to stay focused when I want the same things that he wants. We both don't really want to do the long distance thing, but our parents will kill us.
I had fun also. Do u think we will be great long distance, J??
It will be hard, but I know that we will be fine.
Hope so.
Dont doubt it, we will be.
He is always telling me not to doubt him. I don't mean to, but I guess that goes in the same category as my trust. In my heart, I know that he will always do his very best to be a good boyfriend to me, but life at times make it difficult.
K. Love U. Night.
Night.
I close my eyes, thinking about him. I miss him laying next to me and holding me in the bed as we sleep. I liked how we slept with no clothes on, holding one another. I liked how we took showers together and just being around him all day, every day. Last week went by really fast.
*****
My mom, Charles, and I are sitting in a small restaurant down town, waiting for Jason to show up with his parents. I look nervously at Charles as he looks through his menu. My mom promised me to be on her best behavior and so did Charles.
The moment Jason walks in with his parents a tiny smile comes across my face. Damn him for giving me these feelings. I haven't seen him since he dropped me off at my house this morning. I miss him so much. I shift my gaze to his father, who has his arm around Jason's mother. Those two always look so happy, when they are together. You would think that they would understand more of what Jason and I feel for one another. Jason's father known his mother for only seven months, before they got married. They're still happily married nineteen years later.
Jason walks up to the table smiling at us. He gives me a tiny kiss on the cheek. "Hey, baby." He looks at my mom a little nervous as he takes a seat next to me. "Hey, momma."
I breathe a sigh of relief that he calls her momma. It must means that he's willing to let go of how she's been treating him.
"What's up, Charles?" Jason greets my brother.
His parents walk up to the table and hugs and kisses on the cheeks are exchanged between my mom and Charles, and his parents. Jason's mom gives me a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. Jason's father gives me a half hug and pulls out her chair for her. She gives him a little smile as she takes a seat.
Everybody is now sitting down going over the menu. I can feel Jason tapping his foot. I put my hand on his leg and squeeze gently. I didn't know that he will be nervous about this. He's the one who suggested this. He puts his hand on top of mine and gives me a tiny smile. I look away from him blushing. I catch his mom looking at us and try to focus on what I'm ordering.
"How was the trip, Evelyn and Nicholas?" My mom asks his parents.
"It was great!" Evelyn responds with enthusiasm. "I wish the kids were with us. They would have had so much fun."
"We had fun." Jason says as he holds the menu up more to cover the big smile on his face.
I hold my menu up, shaking my head as I blush at his words. Damn this boy. He peeks at me, and I mouth the words stop it. He mouths back that he loves me. I turn from him just as the waiter walks up to us ready to take our order.
We all put our orders in with him. He collects all the menus and he walks away from the table. I feel all eyes on us as I stare at the table. I sneak a look at Jason, and he is looking at me.
Nicholas clears his throat looking at my brother. "How's school going, Charles?"
"Great. I'm the top of my class right now. It's good." He takes a sip of water. I can see that he doesn't like the attention being on him. Who can blame him?
"That's great." Jason's father is always so laid back.
"No girlfriend?" Evelyn quizzes him.
"I don't have time for a girlfriend, Ms. Evelyn. With keeping my grades up and trying to look for a job, I just don't have the time to give to a girl right now."
Jason and I shoot a look at Charles for his response. He could have said anything, but that.
"I agree that it's difficult at times. Girls can be a distraction." Evelyn says, looking at Jason.
"Evelyn." Nicholas looks at his wife and shakes his head.
"Well, I agree with her too, Nick." My mom puts her two cents in that no one asked for. "I just want to say that I love your son. He has always been very respectful when coming over my house. At times I think Melissa gets so side tracked with him."
I hate how she just acts as though she's not sitting right next to me. Jason squeezes my hand under the table.
"Same here. We love Melissa. She's a wonderful girl, student, and respectful as well, but we feel as though they may be too young to be so into each other." Evelyn says back.
I refrain from rolling my eyes.
"Sweetheart, they are only a couple years younger than us, when we fell in love." Nicholas says, defending us. This is why Jason gets away with almost anything.
"They're too young." Evelyn says back clearly annoyed that he said anything, but what she wants to hear.
"I didn't know that I had to be a certain age to be in love." Jason speaks up. "I didn't get us all together to talk about rather we're too young or not, because we're still going to be together. I love her like crazy, and she loves me back. I just need you people to understand that we're still going to go to school after graduation, she's on birth control, and we're going to try to be long distance. You can accept it, because it will make our relationship a little easier, or you can just state how you can not support us, but that will make it harder for us." He looks at me. "Either way, we will be together."
"I love you, too." I can just tongue him down right now. Instead, I hold his hand under the table and look at everyone's reaction.
His father gives a tiny nod and smile. The waiter brings our food to the table and sets the plates in front of each person. I can't stop smiling as I pick at the food on my plate.
*****
It's after dinner and we're all standing outside in front of the building. Jason gives me a peck on the lips, and I push him away gently. I do not feel comfortable kissing him in front of his parents and my mother.
"Baby, stop."
Jason pulls me into his arms as my mother and his mother talk with one another. I giggle as he gives me another peck on the lips.
"Stop what?" He gives me another peck.
I close my eyes as he kisses my lips again. He moves his arms to around my waist and continues to give me tiny pecks. The pecks turn into full blown kissing. Jason pulls back and presses his forehead against mine.
"You love me, Mel?"
"Always and forever."
"You trust me with your heart?"
I give a little smile that he is still bringing this up. "Yes."
He gives me a kiss on the forehead. "You better."
"Jason." We turn around to Evelyn's voice. "Babe, it's time to go. Your father went to get the car."
Jason takes my hand as we walk over to rejoin my mom, his mom, and my brother.
Evelyn gives me a tight hug and smiles at me. "I'll see you at dinner Monday, right?"
I nod, looking nervously at Jason. He has a big goofy grin on his face. "Of course. Like always."
She gives my mom and brother hugs and gives me one last smile. Jason hugs my mom and brother and then gives me a kiss on the cheek.
"I'll pick you up around seven in the morning."
"Okay."
Jason pulls me into his arms and kisses my forehead. I playfully push him away with a big grin on my face.
"Let's go, boy." Evelyn grabs her son by his collar.
"I love you more!"
I blush as he blows kisses at me. "I love you more."
"I said it first." He sticks his tongue out at me. I laugh as I think about his text message this morning. I make a mental note that next time I will say it first.
I keep my eyes on him, until he turns around to get into the car. His father had just pulled up. Jason's father jumps out the car and opens the door for his mother. I smile to myself thinking this could be us fast forward nineteen years.
My mother puts her arms around my shoulders as they drive off. She tosses the car keys to Charles. "Get the car, while your sissy and I talk."
He nods and walks away.
"Promise me that you will stay on the birth control, okay? I mean, until you get married, or whatever."
Married, or whatever. I smile at her last words. "I promise."
"Promise me that you will finish college, before moving in with him."
I turn to my mom. I know Jason and I decided to do the long distance thing, but I wasn't planning on it being for the next few years. I was just thinking a year without him and then trying to move with him to Atlanta. My mom just looks at me, waiting for a response.
"Of course, momma."
She gives me a hug. I think about Jason, and truthfully, I don't think I can make it more than a year without him. I'm not going to speak my thoughts out loud. My momma will lose her mind. Everyone seems to be getting along so nicely, so I will keep my feelings to myself.