Susan had made us all meatloaf for dinner. The boys were surprisingly nice to me tonight. Kyle had been less cold since Ms. Bredlong came, and Jack had become sort of neutral, but they actually talked to me tonight, even smiling every now and then.
After dinner, the older boys and their parents left us alone. We went out to the backyard, where all the lights were on and the pool had the cover over the water. Thelma had brought a Bluetooth speaker so we could play some songs and dance together, like at a normal dance party.
I could've done without Ms. Howells standing there glaring at us the whole time, but I did my best to ignore her.
It was such a perfect night. A beautiful, clear, starry sky... a light, playful breeze... cool air. Fireflies accompanied us in our dance under the stars, flashing their golden light for us.
For a while, we just waved our arms and bounced to many party songs from our childhood, singing along. Many of us were... not great singers, but the tone-deaf harmony made it all the more hilarious. We took what felt like hundreds of selfies and videos.
"I throw my hands up in the air sometimes, saying, 'Ayo, gotta let go'... I wanna celebrate and live my life, saying, 'Ayo, baby, let's go'..." We clapped when the song ended later.
"Okay, another selfie. Everyone get over here!" Mildred waved at everyone to approach. We all forced our cheeks into a smile as she stretched her arm out as far as possible to fit us all in.
A familiar tune came on the speaker and Thelma whooped. "I LOVE THIS SONG!" she said for all of us.
Tony took my hands, pulling me into another dance. We all crowded together to sing along. "Makin' my way downtown, walkin' fast..." I spun around, letting out a giggle. "And I need you, and I miss you, and now I wonder..."
Tommy left us a few minutes into the song, his feet literally killing him, but the rest of us stayed for a long while, well after midnight. I hadn't stayed up this late in... not that long, but long enough to not be used to it anymore. Ms. Howells was now seated, looking exhausted.
I was obviously fine, so why couldn't she just... leave?
We got to a slower song. Most of the girls were exhausted, going to rest. Mildred and Harry were somehow still standing, along with me and Tony. Harry looked at Mildred with shyness, blushing hard. "You want to dance this one?" he asked.
"Yeah, sure, why not?" She happily put her hands on his shoulders. I bit my lip, resisting laughter. Harry was making his crush quite obvious. I wondered if Mildred felt the same.
"Oh, they say people come,
Say people go,
This particular diamond was extra special..."
The song was beautiful, accompanied by smiles and playful twirls.
"And though you might be gone,
And the world may not know,
Still, I see you, celestial..."
I stole a glance at Harry and Mildred. While Harry looked practically enamored, Mildred was treating the dance like a game, even dipping him and giggling.
After the song ended, Mildred and Harry rested, leaving me and Tony alone. He looked at me. "You want to dance this one?"
"I found a love... for me..."
Suddenly, I couldn't look in his eyes. I nodded hastily, lowering my gaze to his feet. My cheeks heated as he took my hand and put his other hand on my waist.
"Darling, just dive right in... and follow my lead,
Well, I found a girl, beautiful and sweet..."
I could feel everyone's eyes on me, particularly the brothers', as we circled. I caught Thelma recording us, bringing me more anxiety.
"I never knew there was a someone waiting for me,
'Cause we were just kids when we fell in love,
Not knowing what it was..."
Tony gently twirled me around so I was facing away. He pulled me close, whispering the lyrics under his breath. Goosebumps erupted as his breath caressed my neck.
"Darling, just kiss me slow..."
I was scared... but it wasn't the same kind of scared. I didn't feel like I was running for my life. I didn't feel the same way I did when someone raised their hand to slap me. There was no anticipation.
What was this? It was so confusing. It wasn't what I felt with Marco... no, this was... more relaxing? Comforting? It felt... true.
That was what scared me the most.
I could feel my body tensing, tempted to pull away, but I couldn't. He looked so happy dancing with me, and I admitted, I felt amazing dancing with him. The more amazing I felt, the more scared I felt. It was so contradictory. An internal paradox.
"Baby, I'm... dancing in the dark..."
I soon forgot about the eyes and cameras on us. The backyard dissipated into nothingness. It was just me and him, circling slowly, his arms around me. Our feet moved in sync, our hearts beat faster, and our eyes remained connected. It was like a whole other world.
"Barefoot on the grass...
Listening to our favorite song..."
There was hope. I didn't have to leave... not yet. They were worth the chance. Once I moved out, I wasn't sure what I'd do, but this house was worth the risk. It was worth enduring life, at least a bit longer.
"I have faith in what I see,
Now I know I have met an angel in person..."
The end of the song came sooner than I expected. Tony's face was just inches from mine, our lips parallel to each other as we circled.
"I don't deserve this,
You look perfect tonight."
The claps and whoops from our friends pulled us back to reality. My heart kickstarted. Once I realized how close we were, I quickly pulled away. Momentarily, the panic set in, all the memories with Marco flooding into my brain. The way I saw him just a few days ago... so real and so... Tony wasn't like that, was he? He wouldn't have planned all of this for one kiss, right? No way.
This was... this was okay. I was happy. He wasn't trying anything. I was sure...
An awkward atmosphere settled as I came to, everyone staring at me. Tony was red, standing frozen. Ms. Howells stood in alert. I paled, then heated up. "I-I... I'm sorry, I..."
"I think that's enough for tonight." Ms. Howells approached. "Thank you for your gesture, but it's time you go back to your homes."
"Wait, why?" said Tommy.
"She's obviously distressed."
"N-no... I'm fine. It was just... I'm fine." I swallowed.
"Miss, she's happy, I mean-" Mildred started.
"Does she look happy?"
"I'm fine, okay? I said I'm fine," I insisted.
"I'll be the judge of that. It's 2 in the morning. You should be going to bed, anyway. You missed your meds."
The mention of my medications sent me into an embarrassed freeze. I glanced between my friends and my liaison. "Y-you can't just stop us like that!"
"I'm only doing what's best for you. Sleep deprivation isn't good for someone in your condition."
"Condition? It's one night! And I've gone for weeks without sleep in the past, and I'm fine!"
Ms. Howells scoffed. "You're fine? If you were 'fine', I wouldn't be here!"
"Then just go away! You hate your job, obviously."
Inside, the older two brothers came into the kitchen, hearing the argument. "What's wrong?" Kyle asked.
"Diana..." Thelma approached, calming me down. "It's okay. She's right. Um... we should be getting home. It's late, and... my mom's probably gonna kill me. I'm an hour over curfew." She smiled unconvincingly.
"I'll call a Rideshare for you." Ms. Howells brought out her phone.
"Um... it's fine," Tony said. "I have a car. I'll take everyone home." He looked absolutely crestfallen as he went inside.
Ms. Howells glanced at him distrustfully and headed inside the house. I followed her, outraged. "It's not even a school night! Why are you-"
She whirled around. "Listen to me, you little brat. I'm trying to protect you! Don't you get it?! I saw the way you looked there! If you're getting a panic attack, then you need time away! Got it?!"
I stared at her. There was a dead silence in the room.
"Yeah, yell at someone who's having a panic attack. Real smart," Mildred said.
"Excuse me?" Ms. Howells glared at her.
"The girl's having a panic attack, and you're yelling at her? I'm sorry, ma'am, but that's not how you do it."
"She's not having a panic attack. She had one. She's used to yelling. That won't do anything."
The argument continued, but I zoned out, my ears deafening themselves. She'd just ruined... everything. I ruined... everything. Just like I always did. I looked back at my friends... my first real friends in forever. All they did for me...
I ran upstairs, ignoring everyone calling my name. I always ruined everything. I always made everything worse. I was such a... pest.
Thoughts? Sad reactions, happy reactions?