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"Aes, wait lang!" I heard Trevor shouted pa pero hindi ko siya nilingon. I don't want to look at him. I am disgusted, totally. Just by thinking about it, I can't take it.
"Leave her alone, Trevor," I heard Kuya said pa. Mommy was holding my hand habang nagwawalk kami palayo sa kanila. I can't stop my tears from falling. My heart was so confused and hurt because of the truth that I found out.
"Aes!" Cash shouted naman when she blocked my way. "Gano'n na naman ba? Aalis ka na naman agad-agad?" she asked me. "Hindi mo na naman ba siya papakinggan? Huh?"
"Get out of my way, Cashcade," I said naman and slightly pushed her para I can walk through. "What?!" I shouted again when she blocked my way.
"Kung ano na namang sinabi mo kay Trevor hindi mo man lang siya pinagbigyan na mag-explain," she said and clenched her jaws. "Aes, nagawa niya 'yon kasi mahal na mahal ka niya," she reasoned out pa kaya mapait akong natawa. "Mali 'yung ginawa niya, Aes pero grabe na naman kasi lumalabas sa bibig mo. Hear him out, gusto niya magpaliwanag."
"What's wrong sa sinasabi ko?!" I asked her.
"Let me ask you, Aes," she said while staring intently in my eyes. "Mahal mo si Trevor di'ba? Ngayon, kaya ka nasasaktan kasi mahal mo siya, di'ba?"
"H-hes's disgusting!" I shouted kaya napairap si Cash. "It's true naman na he's disgusting! They're the reason why Daddy always hits my Mom! They're the reason why my Mom is suffering!"
"If nasasaktan ang mommy mo nang dahil sa ginagawa ng Mama ni Trevor, wala siyang kasalanan do'n," she said pa and shook her head. "Ang kasalanan lang dito ni Trevor ay 'yung mapamahal na siya sa'yo, Aes!"
"So, it's my fault. Is that what you're trying to imply?" I asked her. "Nakakadisgust siya! He knows na magkapatid kami then he still continued?! Daddy hurts us always because of his Mom!"
"Hindi lang naman ikaw 'yung nasasaktan, Aes. Hindi mo alam kung gaano kahirap ang pinagdadaanan ni Trevor sa Papa niya! Araw araw siyang pinagtatabuyan ni Tito, kaya 'wag mo naman sabihin na parang ikaw lang 'yung nahirapan, Aes."
"Shut up," I said naman. "Of course, you will side with him. He's your bestfriend, kaya kahit he's wrong sa kaniya ka kakampi!"
"Oo!" Cash shouted. "Bestfriend ko siya at kakampihan ko siya dahil kung hindi ako kakampi sa kaniya, sino gagawa no'n? Tinalikuran mo na siya, sino pang maasahan niya? I am giving my friend the benefit of the doubt na hindi mo mabigay, kung sana pakinggan mo muna 'yung sasabihin niya e'di sa--"
"Get out of my way, Cashcade," I interrupted her pa but hindi siya umalis sa harap ko. "Get away!" I said pa and pushed her kaya she fell on the ground. Kuya Cyon went to help her pero tinapik niya ang hand ni Kuya Cyon and she went to me again.
"What do you want?!" I asked her. "Get away. Magsama kayo ng mga bestfriend mo na social climbers! It's so obvious kung bakit tinuloy ni Trevor 'yung relationship namin."
"Kasi mahal ka niya," Cash reasoned naman but I shook my head.
"No," I answered naman and shook my head. "He continued our relationship because he saw that our family has high-status. He wants to be with me to have more money and to be more known. Ganiyan kayong lahat! All of you from that province!"
"Trevor saw na our family is powerful kaya he still continued para maging kasama sa family namin," I said pa and shook my head. "You and your friends were so disgusting!" I shouted pa.
"Talise, enough," Tide said naman but I didn't listen to him.
"You and friends are all embarrassing. Trevor is a big fat liar, he's so disgusting!" I shouted pa. "Bree, obviously, she's a prostitute. A flirt, a bitch!" I shouted and I looked at her from head to toe. "And you? Nakaka-annoy ka kaya, you act like a goody-two shoes but obviously you're a whore."
"Talise!" Kuya Cyon shouted.
"Call me anything you want," Cash said naman. "But don't you dare call my friends like that, they're the most amazing people I've ever known. You don't have to call Trevor and Bree like that—"
"Why?! It is true," I said naman. "All of you just want our money," I said pa. "You are obviously in love with Kuya Cyon's money because mukha kang pera. Maybe you married him para you can buy all the things na gusto mo. You married him kasi you know na he has the means to buy you food!" I shouted pa and shook my head. "You act so innocent but you're a bitch, you keep on flirting with Tide."
"Why are you quiet? Are you guilty?" I asked her.
"Do you think I married Alon just because of your money? Why would I need your money, I can earn for myself!" she shouted. "And Tide, I'm not flirting with him. I just wanted to be friends with him because I feel that he's always alone. Kasi no one of you reaches out to him."
"How would I believe that you're not up for Kuya Cyon's money? Huh? Obviously, you and Trevor planned this out na. So, tell me how will you make me believe?"
"Gusto mong patunayan ko?" Cash asked me and turned to Kuya Cyon. "I'll take my ring off, makikipaghiwalay ako kay Alon just to save myself from someone like you," she said and took her ring off. "I don't want to be with your family, kung gan'yan tingin niyo sa akin. I can live my life without your money," she said pa and took my hand and placed her ring.
"Magpakasaya ka at solohin mo 'yung pera mo," Cash said pa. "Trevor doesn't really deserve you, he deserves someone better. 'Yung hindi ganiyan kababa tumingin sa ibang tao. Tangina mo, iyo na 'yang pera niyo," she said pa and walked away.
"Talise! What the hell?!" Kuya Cyon asked, he looks so angry. "Why do you have to say that to her?!" he questioned me pa. "If your mad with Trevor, don't include other people!" he shouted pa and took Cash's wedding ring on my hand bago siya nagrun paalis.
"You're too much, Talise," Tide said naman. "What if Cash and Cyon totally broke because of what you just said?"
"Then you will have the chance to be with her. You liked that naman di'ba?" I asked him.
"No," he answered. "I don't want her to be sad and if her happiness is with Cyon it's fine. So, stop hurting other people just because you are hurt," he said pa and nagwalk kasunod nina Kuya Cyon. I looked around and all of them looks so disappointed. Even my Titas and Titos shook their heads.
I didn't mind them nalang and I continued walking papunta sa plane namin. I don't know and I don't have anything in my heart right now but just pain and anger. I am so much hurt, they lied, they kept a secret over me and they played with me. I felt like a big fool.
"Talise," Mommy called me and knocked on the door. "Sweetie," she called me pa but instead I turned my back on the door and immediately covered myself with the blanket.
We're now back in Maldives. Simula nung last time na magtalk kami ni Trevor sa airport sa Bali, I never talked to him again. I turned my phone off para I can't receive any calls or messages from him. Since we came back here I locked myself on my room.
"I'll be going inside!" Mommy informed me. I heard the door opened pero hindi ko tinignan si Mommy. "Here's your food, sweetie," she said pa.
I felt so disgusted to myself. I immediately clenched my fists while thinking about it palang. I should have listened to them before, kung sana lang ay they told me about what the truth is pero no. They kept it from me and...Trevor did the same.
"Talise," Mommy called me pa and caressed my back. "Sweetie, you should eat," she said pa pero hindi ko siya pinansin. I'm still mad at them for keeping that secret from me. I felt so betrayed and fooled. I felt so stupid.
"Please, leave me alone," I said naman. I don't want to yell at her, she's still my mom but I just can't talk to her now. I can't it's so hard for me. I felt na umalis na siya nang room ko. My cousins are also trying to come and visit me but I'm also na not talking to them.
It's embarrassing that Trevor and I has been in a relationship and we're sibling pala. They saw how we became sweet to each other tapos we'll find out na we're half siblings pala? Just looking back on how we kiss, we made love and say 'I love you' makes me want to throw up.
"If ever na...'yung video. If hindi nagplay 'yung video...and I asked y-you.."
"I would probably say yes."
Nakakahiya. What if I didn't push him away and the video didn't play. We're married and malalaman namin na we're siblings? Nakakahiya. Nakakadiri.
"Aes. Wala naman akong pakialam sa sasabihin nila 'e. Kung ano man 'yung nandoon sa video wala naman akong pakialam do'n..."
"You were so clean. Your record is clean, your reputation and everything about you tapos here I am a complete mess."
"I wasn't clean. I'm the product of Mama's mistake with someone else. Papa was right, I'm not his child,"
He knew it after graduation tapos he still managed to be intimate with me. He knows na I'm his half-sister but he managed to have sex with me? Nakakadiri, that was incest and it's so immoral. I immediately shut my eyes when I remembered the test results.
Trevor Dale and Aikendale. I should have noticed that since before. I am so stupid. Kaya pala gano'n ang reaction ni Mommy when I introduced Trevor to her. And maybe kaya she know Trevor's mom kasi siya 'yung mistress ni Daddy.
"What's your name again?"
"Trevor po. Trevor Dale Suriaga," he said naman and smiled.
"Suriaga?" Mommy asked. "Are you Trina Suriaga's son?"
"Opo."
It was Trevor's mom. 'Yung nasa story ni Tita Eridge, about sa girl na nameet ni Daddy sa Hong Kong.
"They got married and their life was nice, they got Lake pa nga 'e but we heard Aiken went to Hong Kong that time and he met a girl there and they became close, you know what happened next."
And that's the start why Dad changed. It's because of Trevor's Mommy. Mas mahal na niya 'yung Mommy ni Trevor kaysa kay Mommy. Maybe that was the reason kung bakit he's hurting Mom lagi. He's so cruel, pareho sila ni Trevor.
For sure, Trevor's Mommy wanted to gain money from my Daddy, nakakahiya sila. I didn't know that the person that I'm holding on to is the reason why we're suffering. Sila ang may kasalanan, why we had to suffer this hard.
Everyday, I can't think well. Naalala ko how Trevor and I do stuffs na hindi dapat ginagawa ng magkapatid and it just annoys me.
"Now, whatever you do kahit alam kong bawal 'to, you'll always have me. Ngayon, hinding hindi ka na mawawalan nang ako."
"'Wag ka mag-alala, 'gaya nang sabi ko sa'yo hinding hindi ka na mawawalan nang ako kaya kahit ayaw pa ni Lake hindi kita iiwan. Kahit bawal hindi ako titigil na mahalin ka."
"llalaban kita hanggang sa dulo"
"I love you and I will always love you even if it means breaking the rules. Kahit bawal, ilalaban kita"
My visions are starting to get blurry, hindi lang dahil sa tears and also because I am so out of myself na. I haven't eaten pa since nung dumating kami. I can't take anything in, parang I don't have the appetite to eat.
I felt so weak and powerless. I was just always staring at the nothingness. I felt so luting always. I don't have the energy to speak or just even get out of my bed. Parang after that incident, I lost everything that I have. Everything.
Something in my mind passed by. I don't know why but I stood out of my bed and walked papunta sa may bathroom sa room ko. As soon as I see myself sa mirror, I immediately burst out of tears again. I can remember how Trevor kissed me at it hurts me na I miss that even that was wrong.
"Fuck this life!" I shouted and took the vase sa may sink and threw it sa mirror kaya nagkaroon 'yon nang mga cracks. I wiped my tears when I saw the broken vases na nasa floor. I noticed na may mga cuts na rin ako sa different parts nang body ko nang dahil sa ginawa ko.
I don't understand why I can't feel anything. I can't understand why the pain was still in my heart at hindi sa mga wounds na nakuha ko from the broken vase. I bit my lower lip as I bent down. I took a pice of the broken vase.
"I've done a lot of mistakes," I whispered as I stare on the vase that I am holding. "I've made love to my half-brother, I broke the rules...I can't be saved."
"I am already flawed," I said pa. "I sunk to deepest. I'm now in the bottom, no one can lift me up again," I whispered pa. "M-maybe...doing this won't be a big deal anymore," I said pa and chuckled. "Maybe...this is the end," I whisper ask I cut wrist using the broken vase.
I tried to cut it deeper because I wasn't feeling any pain. Nothing. I saw how my blood came out from my wound kasabay nang pagblur ng eyes ko. I'm starting to feel dizzy but I can't still feel any pain. I used all of my remaining energy to do another cut and I did.
"Trevor," I whispered before I fell on the floor. "I love you," I whispered as I cried again. "I'm sorry..." I apologized and slowly everything gets darker. This is maybe the right end to me kasi I know kahit na it's immoral, and kahit how many times ko i-deny just to act clean, deep inside I know na it's still Trevor.
Maybe what we had was a big sin and kahit anong gawin naman it will always be a sin. Maybe the love that we had was never really love that we thought it is. I kept on pushing him away. Nandidiri ako sa idea that we are siblings pero, I still love him. Kagaya nang dati, the intensity of my love for him was still the same. I still love him and I know I can't stop doing that.
The love that we had might be wrong but I can't understand why it felt so right. I maybe sinned but at least I felt how love should be.
"Is she okay?" I heard a voice. A familiar one. "Will she be okay now?" I know its Mommy's voice. I am trying to move pero I can't. I can't even open my eyes.
"Don't worry, she'll be okay. Gladly, you took her here as soon as possible and we have to be grateful because we are able to transfer the blood that she lost."
"Thank goodness," I heard my Mom. "That's a great news."
"It is, good thing that you are able to donate blood as soon as possible. We all know that her blood type is rare," I heard the doctor said pa.
I'm not dead and I don't understand why. I did my best to open my eyes and there I saw agad my Mommy. She was standing beside my bed, with a guy wearing white coat.
"M-mom," I called her and she turned to me. I saw how her eyes shined when she heard me.
"Oh, my gosh," she said and hugged me agad. "Sweetie," she said pa while hugging me. "I'm so worried, why did you do that?" she asked, sobbing.
"I'm sorry," I answered naman. I don't know but I felt so bad, seeing how my mom right now. Halatang she worried too much talaga. I didn't think about how she would feel.
"Sweetie, don't do that again, okay?" she said and caressed my face. "Okay?" she said pa and I nodded naman. "Mommy, loves you so much,sweetie," she said pa. "I'm sorry."
"No. I am sorry," I said pa and looked down. "I became selfish," I said naman. "I know that I was wrong and so as having relationship with Trevor," I said pa, almost a whisper. "But Mommy...I really do love him...so much."
"Talise," kuya came naman and hugged me. "I'm so happy that you are awake," he said pa while hugging me. He was smiling widely. I tried my best to smile back naman.
"I'm sorry, Kuya," I looked down. "I should have listened to you," I said pa and sighed. "About Trevor..."
"You shouldn't naman talaga," he said kaya nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kaniya. He held my hand and smiled. "I love you and so as Trevor," he said. "Both of you are my siblings kaya."
"Talise," Mommy said and held my other hand.
"Don't worry," I said naman. "I will keep myself away from him. I won't continue our relationship," I said pa. "I'll...stay away. You're right, Trevor and I shouldn't be together."
Maybe, I was still alive because that means I can still change my life. I can still correct what I've done, I can still do something right. A new life to live and it's my life without Trevor. A right and moral life...but sad.
"We we're shock when we saw you," Mommy said pa. "You lose a lot of blood, sweetie," she said pa and sighed. "Gladly, you survived."
"Your blood is rare," Kuya said naman as he sat on my bed. "We found a donor agad buti nalang," he said pa and chuckled. "Type AB ka pala. Type O kami nina Daddy at Mommy 'e kaya we can't donate for you," he said kaya I smiled. "Gladly," he said and sat beside Kuya Elvis. "Kuya Elvis, has the same blood type as you are."
"Thank you for not giving up on me," I said pa and smiled. I turned to Kuya Elvis who's sitting quietly. "Thank you, Kuya," I said pa and I immediately paused when I realized something. My eyes widened and turned to Kuya who's now smiling so wide.
"Wait..." I said naman and gulped. "D-did you just say..."
"Yes," Kuya said naman and make akbay to Kuya Elvis, he was just staring at me. I turned to Mommy and she's looking down.
"I'm sorry," Mommy said naman and held my hand. "I d-didn't know that, Elvis was your..."
I don't know but instead of being sad, I felt happier. I immediately hugged mommy. Now, all I can feel was happiness and nothing else. I turned to Kuya Elvis and smiled.
"Kuya—sh-should I call you...Papa already?" I asked him naman. He immediately stood up and he gave me a hug. I don't know but now, being in his arms felt so warm. It felt so...calming. So, this is how it feels, a father's hug.
"Hindi ko alam, pasensya ka na," he apologized. "Pasensya ka na, hinayaan kitang saktan ni Sir Aiken."
I shook my head. "No, thank you," I said and smiled. I turned to Kuya and he was just smiling. If I wasn't Daddy's daughter that means...Trevor and I weren't related. I immediately pulled my dextrose and get off of my bed.
"Where are you going? Talise, you are not in a good state pa," Kuya said naman. "You can't leave the hospital," he says.
I shook my head and smiled. "I can't live without Trevor, Kuya," I said pa and turned to Mommy. "I know now why Trevor's love feels right, because from the start...it already is."
Mommy smiled and tapped my shoulders. "Follow where your heart leads you."
Trevor is the only person that makes me feel wanted, when I feel that nobody does. He accept me with all of my flaws, from being a bad person and that video. He accepted me with all of his heart and then here I was, always hurting his soft precious heart.
Now, I will not waste time. I'll go and begged for his love this time. And if he will give me another chance, I will love him and will never leave him, a thing that I should've done dati pa.
Trevor doesn't deserve me but now I'll try to do whatever it takes para maging deserving for him. He deserves all the good things in this world, and I'll be the best person just to be suitable for him.
Now, Trevor will never lose me. Ngayon, siya naman ang hindi mawawalan nang ako. I'll be the person that stays. I'll be the constant thing that he'll have in this world like how he does to me. I will never let him go away for me this time.
Trevor was my own north star. While everyone leaves, he's the only person who stayed for me, loving me and cares for me and aside from that...he leads me home because the only home that I ever known was between his arms.
ㅡㅡㅡㅡENDㅡㅡㅡㅡ
Thank you for reading!