Blood Gulch
The contest was still going on.
Sarge: "Alright dirtbags, after the third round of the competition, it's still anyone's contest."
Donut: "Yeahah, burn wrench, anyone includes me! Hahah."
Sarge: "Donut was leading after the obstacle course, and talent contest."
Donut: "Awesome. Whodihoo!"
Sarge: "But then the mysterious skull pulled ahead during the question and answer session."
Donut: "That doesn't seem physically possible."
Sarge: "So the standings are the skull, Donut, and in third the wrench. Which is the current crowd favourite."
A brief shot of the warthog is shown with pro-wrench propaganda on it
Warthog: (beep beep beep)
Grif: "Haha, maybe the skull will be your new sidekick. Hey Sarge, how can I kiss your ass if I don't have any lips?"
Sarge: "And in last place Grif."
Grif: "What? I thought I was ineligible."
Sarge: "Ineligible to win, dead man. Luckily there's no chance of that happening since the last round is the evening-wear competition."
Donut: "Whohoa, you're in trouble now skull."
Grif: "Then can I quit?"
Sarge: "Course not, only eligible contestants can withdraw from the competition."
Grif: (sigh)
Sarge: "I guess you'll just have to settle for fifth place turdbelly."
Grif: "Fifth place? Should I even ask who's in fourth?"
Sarge: "I'm reserving fourth place for any late entries, who would obviously be better than you. Such as a turd, or a turd farmer. Or Shadow."
Shadow: "No thanks!"
Wind Facility
Church was talking to Gary again
Church: "Hey Gary, is there any way that you could translate what this big alien is saying to us?"
Gary: "no"
Church: "Aw come on man, isn't this one of the aliens that built you?"
Gary: "yes, but i do not know much about those creatures. i was only programmed with knowledge of the shisnos. i mean you."
Church: "Yeah listen man, that word is really startin' to bug me a little bit."
Gary: "you did not even know what it meant until i told you."
Church: "I know but you just say it so much."
Gary: "i only say shisno in context. like when talking to a shisno or about a shisno. i think i see what you mean shisno."
Church: "So you'll stop."
Gary: inter-species prejudices take a long time to overcome. but i will try.
Church: Thanks.
Gary: "luckily, i am not lazy like a shisno."
Church: "Yeah it's pretty clear you mean to give this your best effort."
Gary: "i think the important thing is that i am trying."
Church then began to wander the halls or something.
Tucker: "Okay. Church, is trying to get a translator. So that we can talk to each other."
Church: "Tucker, the enormous alien doesn't speak our language, speaking slowly is not gonna help."
Tucker: "What? I'm talking to Caboose."
Church: "Oh."
Caboose: "I don't understand. Are- are- are you hungry? Tucker are you hungry? Are you cold?"
Tucker: "What? No."
Caboose: Do you need a blanket? Tucker, do you want some hot dogs in a blanket?
Tucker: Dammit no, Caboose I'm not cold, I don't want a hot dog, and if you put mustard in my fucking sheets again I'm gonna kill you.
Caboose: Okay gargantuan alien, now that we have decided to keep you, you need a real name. I vote for Fluffy.
Tucker: Fluffy?
Caboose: Fluffy! The alien that only loves!
Tucker: He's got to have a name. Why don't we just ask him? Hey alien dude, what's your name? Name. I am Tucker. This is Church. That is Ash. And that's Bitch-pants McCrabby.
Tex: "Hey!"
Ash: "Tucker!"
Tucker: "Well that's what we call her."
Caboose: Not me, I call her Mrs. McCrabby.
Tex: "Thanks."
Church: "What, is your name?"
Alien: "Hernk Hurnk."
Church: "Your name."
Alien: "Hernk Hurnk."
Church: "Nayymuh."
Tucker: "Just keep repeating it Church, I'm sure he'll come up with the right definition on his own."
Church: "He is Tucker. Tucker. You are?"
Alien: "Hernk Hurnk."
Church: "No no. No. Not "honk honk." Name."
Alien: "Hernk Hurnk."
Church: "Okay, I give up, all this guy says is honk honk."
Tex: "Well have you ever considered the fact that his name is Honk Honk?"
Alien: "Glwargh?"
Tucker: "Do you have any idea how stupid that sounds?"
Church: "Hyeah, I mean seriously, what kind of name is Honk Honk? Ash can you translate?"
Alien: "Glwargh?"
Ash: "Can't Church. My dictionary went missing."
Church: "Fine I'll ask myself. Hey, big alien, is your name Honk Honk?"
Alien: "Lwargh."
Church: "Hey wait a second, I think blarg means yes. Alien, does blarg mean yes?"
Alien: "Blarg."
Church: Holy shit! Blarg means yes, he just said yes blarg means yes. I speak alien!
Tex: "Yeah, unless blarg means no. In which case, he just said no, blarg does not mean yes."
Church: "What, no way. Hey alien, am I right?"
Alien: "Blarg."
Church: "Haha, see? The fuck do you know."
Back at Blood Gulch
Sarge: After the final tabulations, we've declared a winner! Grif, the envelope please.
Grif: "Envelope? We don't have any envelopes, this is the army."
Sarge: "Donut's the winner."
Donut: "Hoh, yes!"
Simmons: "Well, my life's officially over. Time to go kill myself."
Sheila: "Wait for me!"
Simmons: "Look, no offense imaginary tank, but I don't believe in you. You're just a product of my imagination."
Sheila: "Actually, I'm a product of the military contractor that made the lowest bid. I'm a little ashamed of that."
Simmons: "Well leave me alone, I can't have some imaginary tank ruining my excellent reputation. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go dig a hole to live in."
Simmons runs off a little bit.
Simmons: He sighs as he stopped. "I wish Grif was here. I could convince him there was food in the ground, then he would dig half the hole for me. Or, maybe a third of a hole. Then he'd use the shovel to eat oatmeal. On second thought I don't wish Grif was here."
Sheila: "You can live with me."
Simmons: "Just ignore it, it's not real."
Sheila: "I have my own base. In fact, I've made lots of renovations since you all left. See?"
Simmons turns to see Blue Base.
Simmons: "Hey, that's the old Blue base."
Sheila: "Yes! I was sent to guard it from something. I can't really remember what... some of my memory banks have failed over the years. Do you remember what the Blues were fighting?"
Simmons: "Uuuuuuh I think it was pirates."
Sheila: "Are you sure? I think it was another army. I think they were a different colour."
Simmons: "No, it was definitely pirates. No wait. Samurai!"
Sheila: "That doesn't sound right."
Simmons: "Yeah, pirates and samurai. And, I think there were some ninjas that were working with them.
Sheila: "Neaw, I don't think so."
Simmons: "And I think they had travelled, from another planet."
Sheila: "Incorrect."
Simmons: "I think it was called Cowboyland."
Sheila: "Negative."
Simmons: "And they were here to rustle up some cattle."
Sheila: "No."
Simmons: "But the Blues were gonna stop'em. With uh, one of them going all Ggost of Tsushima and 47 Ronin on them."
Sheila: "Naw."
Simmons: "No wait- monkeys. Monkey pirates."
Sheila: "Nope."
Simmons: "From ...Uranus."
Sheila: "My logical data analysis sector indicates that would be highly unlikely. And my bullshit meter agrees."