Y/n and Five slowly walked up the stairs. Older Five and Luther were in front of them by quite a bit, walking and whispering to each other. People kept staring at Five as the two walked up the stairs. Either from the expression he had on his face or how there was almost smoke coming out of his ears, Y/n wasn't sure. Five huffed as they got to the top of the stairs. He turned around, walking backwards. "What are you looking at?" Five spat. "See something funny?" he shouted, turning back forwards. Y/n pinched the bridge of her nose and kept walking next to Five, shaking her head the whole time.
"Watch it asshole!" he shouted. Y/n sighed, looking over at the man Five was shouting at.
She smiled faintly at the man, "Ignore him!"
Five glared at her, turning to someone else. "Mind your business! Or I'll give you something to stare at!"
Y/n huffed, grabbing Five's arm and dragging him forward. "Calm your ass down," she said through gritted teeth.
He turned around again, still in Y/n's grip. "You wish you could pull off these shorts!"
"Christ Five."
"What?" he asked, turning to her. "You think I don't look good in these shorts?"
Y/n sighed, "Five, you look amazing in those damn shorts alright? Now calm down."
"What? Would you like it better if I took them off?"
Y/n stopped dead in her tracks, staring at Five. "Oh my god," she shook her head, walking forward.
He huffed, grabbing her sleeve and pulling her back towards him. "Wouldn't you?"
"Christ Five, shut the hell up. Oh my god." He raised his eyebrows. "Jesus," she scoffed, shaking her head. "Yes, Five. I would so very much love that," she rolled her eyes and turned, walking away. "But not in public."
"Is that a promise?"
"Sure!"
He shook his head, catching up with her as she got to Luther. "Hey, brother," Luther said to Five. "And sister," he nodded to Y/n. She rolled her eyes as he continued on. "How you doing?" he asked, turning to Five.
Five took a deep breath, walking down the stairs next to Y/n as Luther walked behind them. "He's gonna kill me, isn't he?"
Luther scoffed and started laughing nervously, "What?" The other two stopped, looking behind themselves at Luther. Y/n gave him a seriously? look. Luther pointed to older Five, "What? Him?" He laughed nervously again, starting to walk down the stairs after them. "He's gonna kill you?" He laughed again, "Yeah, right. That's ridiculous."
Five sighed, putting his hands in his pockets. "You know, you're a terrible liar Luther. You're a worse liar than you are a spotter."
Luther pinched the bridge of his nose and snapped towards Five. "Okay, whose fault is that?" he snapped. "What good is having a spotter if you won't even listen to him?"
"So you admit you're conspiring against me?" Five whispered.
"Do- Do you admit that you're suffering from paradox psychosis?"
"All I'm suffering from is bracing clarity about you and your murderous intentions," Five exclaimed, itching his chest.
"Look, it's not like he's gonna 'kill you' kill you," Luther reasoned. Y/n and Five stopped, looking at Luther again as he pushed past them and stood on the pavement. "He just wants to kill a um, version of you."
Five followed after Luther, "But I am that version of me!"
Y/n huffed, walking after them. "You know Luther, I'd rather you not kill Five. I have come to be quite fond of this version," she said, gesturing to Five. "Except when he's going through paradox psychosis and makes me want to punch him." She pointed at Five, "Don't let that feed your ego."
"Hey," Luther said. "I don't love it either. But he's actually got a pretty good plan."
Five itched his chest again, "What? The one where you guys off me and then jump to twenty nineteen to save the world?"
Five put his hand through his hair weirdly, causing Y/n to eye him. "Yeah, wait. How did you know that?" Luther asked confused.
"Because I am him, and that is exactly what I would do if I were trying to kill me!"
"Okay, all I know is we've got one Five too many. And you're the one acting like a maniac," Luther said, turning to Five slightly.
Five stopped, watching as Luther took a few steps forward. "Maniac?" he asked in disbelief. He followed after Luther and Y/n. "Luther, you have seen nothing. If you want a maniac, I will show you maniac," he said through gritted teeth, getting into Luther's face and scaring him.
Luther looked around, then back to Five as they started walking again. "Okay, as your spotter, I think the best thing I can do for you right now is put you out of your misery," he stated, pointing at Five.
"Okay Luther, listen," Five snapped, stopping and turned to Luther. He grabbed Luther's shoulders, turning him so that he faced Five. Y/n sighed, continuing to walk slowly.
"I know your feeble mind only responds to age and authority, so listen very closely," he said. "Yet again, you are experiencing daddy issues. This time with your own brother, which honestly is making me a bit crazy. But remember this: I'm fourteen days older than him," he pointed at older Five. "I have seniority here. So it is me you should be listening to Luther," he pointed to himself.
"I'm the daddy here!"
Y/n snickered at the moment of silence. "Even Y/n can testify that! Can't you Y/n?" Five shouted after her.
She put her finger in the air. "I can confirm!"
Five nodded, itching the back of his neck. Luther scrunched up his face in confusion and disgust. "You two-" he cut himself off, shaking his head in disgust. "Five, please, you're being unseemly," he whispered softly. "Look at you," he said as they started walking.
"I admit there is a possibility that I may not be in my fully- right mind right now."
"Okay, good," Luther said.
Five huffed, "But whatever I've got, he's got it too."
"What?" Luther asked in confusion.
"You three quit grab-assing. We're here," old Five shouted.
Y/n huffed, walking over to a car. She pulled at the handle and tried to open the door. She didn't know why, she just wanted to.
"Y/n!" Luther shouted. She snapped her head up, walking over to Luther and Five.
"What?"
"What were you doing?"
She shrugged, "The car's cool."
"So you wanted to steal it?"
"Pretty much yeah."
"Look," Five whispered. "The briefcase."
"No," Y/n said.
"Don't," Luther said. "You won't be able to get there in time."
"Of course I will. This is our only chance," he breathed.
"Hey, uh, just remind me, what was the final stage of paradox psychosis again?" Luther asked as Five sniffled. Y/n sighed, crossing her arms.
"Homicidal rage," Five breathed.
"Right," Luther smiled. Y/n cleared her throat, causing Luther's smile to fall. "That's great."
Five started walking forwards. "Five, listen to me," Luther whispered.
"No, Five, don't," she whispered as he continued walking towards the older Five. He blinked behind him. Though, he wasn't quick enough. Older Five blinked in Five's spot, his gun pointed at Five.
"Oh shit," Luther muttered.
"God dammit Five," Y/n shook her head.
"Bad idea shit heel," old Five said, looking through the scope on the gun.
Y/n huffed, "Put the damn gun down."
Old Five didn't listen, he just kept pointing the gun at Five. Luther glanced at Y/n and she nodded in approval. He sighed, walking up to old Five and grabbed the gun from him. "Stop it alright!" Luther snapped, looking between both Fives. Old Five took a step back, obviously spooked. "The both of you," he continued as Five started walking towards the other three. "Pull it together."
Y/n huffed, walking up next to Luther. "Look, Kennedy is going to come around that corner any minute. We don't have time for your paradox bullshit," she snapped.
"Everyone just take a deep breath," Luther said, taking a deep breath of his own. Old Five scratched the back of his neck and inhaled shakily. Five sniffed and exhaled deeply. They all turned to Y/n.
"What?" she asked, putting her hands up defensively. She scoffed when they all raised their eyebrows at her. She inhaled and exhaled quickly. "There, happy now?"
"Now we're all family here, okay?" Luther said. "Can we all just try to get along for a few more minutes?"
Five looked at Y/n and she held back a snicker as he clicked his tongue. He turned to old Five, "You want it?"
"Go ahead."
"What's that?" Luther asked smiling, turning to Five.
Five took a big step forward and swung his leg back. Swinging it forward, he hit Luther in the crotch. Luther groaned, hunching over at the impact.
Y/n started laughing at Luther's face. "Shit," he spat, hunching over more and almost falling to the ground.
Five turned to old Five. "Now, where were we?"
"Don't get yourself killed," Y/n said before both Fives started blinking around the parking lot, trying to attacking each other.
Suddenly, both Fives blinking on both sides of Luther. "Would you just-" he started, cutting himself off as both Fives kicked him in the crotch again and blinked away. Y/n chuckled, shaking her head.
"That's rough," she snickered.
"Hey!" Luther shouted. "I'm getting really sick of this!"
"Getting tired yet?" old Five asked as Five blinked in front of him.
"I could do this all day."
"Guys this has to stop," Luther said, putting his hands on his knees.
"Eat shit Ape Man," all three of them yelled.
"Really Y/n?" Luther asked, out of breath. Y/n shrugged.
Both Fives jumped for each other, trying to blink before they hit each other. The blue lights collided and pushed them both backwards. They fell on their backs as the light disappeared.
Luther huffed, grabbing the gun. "Hey assholes!" he shouted, getting their attention.
They both turned to look at him. "I'm done listening to you both. I'm in charge now."
Y/n shrugged, "I say different." Luther turned to her, furrowing his brows. She kicked her leg around, hitting him in the crotch. He doubled over in pain. She took her chance and grabbed the gun from him. "K, I'm in charge. Ape Man can't be trusted."
Both Fives stared at her. Five chuckled, looking at her in slight awe. He shook his head, "Damn."
"Y/n shoot him!" old Five yelled.
"No Y/n shoot him!" Five shouted.
They both stood up, shouting at Y/n to shoot the other. She huffed, pointing the gun at Five.
His expression softened, "Woah, N/n. Come on." He paused, "Y/n, come on. Don't do this."
She sighed, "I'm sorry." She tried her hardest not to smile.
His eyes went wide, "Y/n-"
Y/n swung the gun around, hitting old Five with the back of it. She huffed, throwing the gun into the grass. Five sighed, taking a step towards her. "You scared the shit out of me," he breathed, leaning to talk in her ear.
"You really think I would shoot you Five?" she asked. "I thought you trusted me."
"I do trust you, but you had a damn gun pointed at me."
"Safety was on. Plus, I'd shoot myself before I'd ever shoot you."
He scoffed out a chuckle. "I would kiss you right now, but we have two idiots that don't know about us."
"Five, you are one of those idiots."
"That's not what I meant," he huffed.
She laughed lightly, "But it's what you said."
"You two stop your whispering!" Luther shouted. "Five open the portal now!" Luther ran over to the grass, grabbing the briefcase and running back to them.
Five took a step away from Y/n, "Right, okay." He walked around her, shifting on the ground. Y/n turned around, taking a step back to give Five space. He put his hands into fists and started gathering energy.
A portal started forming. In it, you could see Luther, Diego, Klaus, and Y/n all standing on the ground as the door behind them opened.
"Ew, why do I look like that?" Y/n said, looking into the vortex.
Luther grabbed the gun off the grass and went back over to them, the briefcase between his feet. Five grunted as the portal started growing and becoming bigger. Y/n squinted as the energy around them created a wind that hit her face.
Luther turned around, pointing his gun at old Five. "Don't even think about it," he shouted over the wind.
Five turned to old Five. "Into the vortex you go asshole!" he shouted, turning back to the portal.
"Fine!" old Five shouted. "But give me the math! So I don't end up looking like Tiger Beat over here!"
Luther and Y/n turned to Five, waiting for his answer to older Five. "You stand next to the vortex and I'll tell you!" Old Five eyes the vortex with uncertainty. "Go!" Five shouted, causing older Five to crouch down but still walk to the vortex. "Closer!" he shouted as old Five stopped a few feet away from the vortex.
"This is close enough! Now give it to me!"
Five turned to Luther, who nodded. Then he turned to Y/n. She nodded, approving. He turned back to his older self, "It was a typo!"
"Typo?"
"We put the decimal in the wrong spot in our proof of the existence of a bound for the number of limit cycles of planar polynomial vector fields of fixed degree," Five explained. "We wrote down five-point-seven. It should be-"
"Zero-point-five-seven," they both finished.
"Son of a bitch!" old Five yelled. "I knew it didn't look right!" He turned to the vortex, "All right. I guess this is it."
"This is it," Five said, fixing his blazer. "Go."
Suddenly, a fire extinguisher flew through the vortex, hitting Luther on the head. He fell to the ground, his eyes rolling in the back of his head. "Ouch," Y/n deadpanned.
Old Five looked from the briefcase to Five. He lunged at it, causing Five to do the same. "No!" he yelled, trying to grab it before old Five could. They both grabbed the handle at the same time, starting to pull it towards themselves.
"Five!" Luther yelled, pointing to the vortex. "It's shrinking!"
Y/n and Five looked at the vortex. "Shit," Y/n cursed, huffing. She sighed, gathering enough energy to make her eyes glow. "Get in the vortex and give us the briefcase for Christ's sake!" she shouted, causing old Five to look at her.
"You wouldn't!" he yelled.
"Try me!"
Luther interrupted their little conversation by kicking old Five's shoulder. He fell backwards with the briefcase in hand. He fell through the vortex, but it closed in just enough time that the briefcase didn't go with him.
Luther looked at where the vortex had just been, smiling stupidly and cluelessly. Five looked down at the briefcase, Y/n doing the same. She winced when she saw half of it destroyed. "We did it!" Luther exclaimed, putting his hands in the air.
"Shit," she said, shaking her head and sighing.
Five walked around Luther disappointed. "The briefcase you idiot."
Luther's smiled dropped and he looked down at the briefcase. "What?" he asked confused. Y/n huffed, walking over to the radio on the fence. She put her head on the fence and closed her eyes, sighing.
Five sighed, looking back at the briefcase. It lay on the ground, cut in half. Blue light came from the end of it as it sizzled. Five groaned and shook his head. He started walking around, putting his hand through his hair.
Luther turned to Five, "Hey, you know what? A thank you for preserving your existence would be nice."
Five scoffed, "A thank you."
And here they come. The presidential car is moving out.
Y/n lifted her head up, looking at the radio as the man spoke. "Luther," Five said, walking over to the fence. "Luther! Here he comes!" he exclaimed, grabbing the other briefcase and moving it. He stood on the side of it, leaving some room. He put his hand out to Y/n who took it, standing next to him on the briefcase so they could look over the fence. Luther came up next to Five and looked over the fence with them. The presidential car turned around the corner.
Luther pointed to the grassy knoll, "Look, there's Dad."
They looked a little bit in front of where they were. A man in all black with a black umbrella stood on the grassy knoll, watching the road. "What do we do?" Luther asked.
"Uh oh," Five muttered, looking across the road.
"Well, we won't have to do anything by the looks of it. Diego's already got it covered," Y/n said, nodding towards a figure running across the grass on the other side of the road.
Five groaned. "Oh shit," Luther muttered.
"Diego," Five whispered.
They watched as Diego ran across the grass, passing people standing around waving small American flags. He ran across the road over to where Reginald was standing. Jumping onto the man, he tackled him to the ground.
Then there were gunshots and everyone started screaming and ran away. The cars drove away as quickly as possible.
Y/n closed her eyes, putting her forehead on one of the fence posts. "Dammit," she muttered, shaking her head slightly.