Despite the whole debacle with the angels throwing everyone off, they still have their celebratory lunch together before everyone goes their separate ways. Obviously, there's a lot going on, so let's take a look at everyone separately.
Sam looks over at the archangel sitting next to him. "So, did you finally decide you're not going to try to kill Lucifer?"
Gabriel gives a very dramatic sigh. "Yeah, I guess I can let him live."
Sam, knowing just as well as Gabriel that Lucifer would be more likely to come out on top anyway, rolls his eyes. "So, if you're not picking fights that you can't win, what are you going to do now?"
Gabriel shrugs. "I don't know. I'm out of hiding for the first time since Lucifer's fall from grace. I guess I can pretty much do anything." Not that there's really much to do; his deadly pranks were mostly a part of his cover. Doing them now would just put him on the Winchesters' bad side, and even though he knows they wouldn't try to kill him again, he doesn't want to send them on a wild goose chase just to find out that it was him causing problems the whole time.
"Do you want to hang out with us?" Sam asks. "You would make a great hunter."
Gabriel snorts. "I'm not planning on being the hunted anymore, but I'm definitely not hunter material." Mostly because he would be too good at it, but he's not going to say that.
"Are you at least going to stop by and visit?" Sam asks.
Gabriel shrugs. "I don't know. Do you want me to?"
Sam shrugs, too. "I mean, yeah, kinda. We're friends, right? No reason to ignore each other after all this."
"Fair point," Gabriel says. "Then yeah, sure, I'll pop back in every now and then."
"Cool."
And awkward silence.
Dean groans. "God, you two are so annoying. Just kiss, for god's sake!"
Sam slaps him on the shoulder. "Dude!"
Dean rolls his eyes. "Come on. We were all thinking it."
"We were," Castiel agrees.
Sam shoots them both a glare.
Gabriel, in a moment of brave stupidity, says, "Well, they're not wrong."
Sam stares at him for just long enough to make him think that was a bad idea before saying, "I can't tell if you're saying that to humor them or if you really mean it."
"That depends," Gabriel says. "If I really meant it, would you feel the same way? Because if so, I meant it. If not, I was totally joking."
Sam chuckles. "In that case... " Sam grabs him by the shirt and pulls him in for a kiss.
Well, isn't this just the perfect day?
~~
Meanwhile, Jo and Michael are having their own conversation. Jo was pleasantly surprised to find that Michael was still willing to go out for lunch with them, despite his refound allegiance to Heaven. It makes her feel a lot better about their future together. The fact that Michael didn't just leave the first chance he got -- or the first chance he felt he should take -- is nice. If he's willing to stay with her now, he must be willing to put in the effort.
"How often do you think you'll be able to come back and visit?" Jo asks him.
Michael sighs. "I don't know. I guess it depends on how Heaven is doing."
"Do you think you can come by at least once a week?" Jo asks.
"Of course I can," he assures her.
"And I mean for more than five minutes," she adds. "Like, actually come and visit." They can't carry out a relationship where they only see each other for a few minutes at a time. She has to hope he knows that.
"I promise," he says. "I'm going to do everything I can to make sure this works out."
Jo smiles at that. "I know you will. I'm just... I'm a little nervous. This is a big change from being quarantined together for months on end. I just don't want anything to change now."
"Nothing's gonna change, Jo." He kisses her cheek. "I promise."
~~
Overall, Lucifer finds the celebratory lunch very boring. He gets to watch the lovefest between Sam and Gabriel and the lovefest between Michael and Jo and don't even get him started on Dean and Castiel. To say he's eager to get out would be an understatement, so as soon as he gets the chance, he takes Jack and heads down to Hell.
Seeing the demons again is... well, it's very interesting. Apparently Crowley has reclaimed Hell for himself, which makes Lucifer the least welcome person that could possibly intrude. Fortunately, all it takes is disintegrating one demon for them to decide that they probably shouldn't bother the two newcomers.
They manage to maneuver their way through Hell and to the hellhounds without any run-in with Crowley because the author doesn't have the energy to write that encounter, and finally, they've reached Lucifer's puppies.
"Ramsey!" Lucifer runs to his favorite dog and pops open her cage. "Hey, baby, how are you?"
Ramsey jumps up on her owner and licks his face, and Lucifer can't help but laugh. He didn't realize he missed her so much until he saw her again. Her mere existence is one last "fuck you" to his father, and that alone earned her a special place in his heart.
"He's cute," Jack remarks, reminding Lucifer that he's there.
"I know, right?" Lucifer agrees. "Here, hang on." He picks her legs up off his shoulders and drops them on the ground. At the snap of his fingers, she sits down and looks up at him expectantly.
"Wow," Jack whispers. "He's so well-trained."
"She, actually," Lucifer says. "Jack, this is Ramsey. She was one of the first hellhounds good ol' Dad made. When he decided they were too vicious, he tried to kill them all, but I took her before he could hurt her."
Jack smiles. "Aw, that's sweet."
"I only took her because she was my favorite." Lucifer scratches behind her ear, and she leans into his hand. "I had no idea at the time, but she was actually pregnant, so that's where the rest of the hellhounds came from."
Jack's eyes widen. "So she's the oldest hellhound? She's, like, the mother of all hellhounds?"
Lucifer nods. "That she is."
"Wow," Jack whispers.
"Do you want to pet her?" Lucifer asks.
Jack smiles. "I can do that?"
Lucifer nods. "Of course you can. She won't bite -- at least, not unless I tell her to. She's very well-trained."
Lucifer pulls his hand back and steps away, giving Jack the chance to pet her. He pats her head a few times, seeming a little wary, but when she doesn't try to stop him, he seems to get more comfortable with it. He scratches her head and she stands up, walking over to him and leaning against him.
"She wants you to scratch her butt," Lucifer tells him.
"How do you know?" Jack asks.
Lucifer shrugs. "You spend enough time with a pup, you really start to figure them out."
Jack stops petting her head and instead scratches her butt, and she lets out a content sigh. Once again, Lucifer knows his dog better than he knows himself.
"Can we bring her to Jo's?" Jack asks.
Lucifer shakes his head. "Jo and hellhounds... well, they have history, and not in a good way."
"Oh." Jack frowns. "Well, I still think we should come back and visit her every now and then."
"Oh, absolutely," Lucifer says. "In fact, tell you what -- I'll strike up a deal with Crowley. He gets to keep control of Hell, and we get to come in and out as we please to visit Ramsey. How about that?"
Jack beams. "I like that idea."
~~
When Lucifer and Jack finally reach the Roadhouse, it's looking as good as new -- probably; Jack's never seen the Roadhouse so he's not sure what it would look like if it were new. The two head inside, where Michael and Jo are making out by the bar. Ellen and Bobby are nowhere to be seen, so Jack assumes they're somewhere in the back.
Lucifer clears his throat loudly, and Jo and Michael pull apart.
"Hey, you made it," Jo says with a grin.
"I told you we would," Lucifer replies, "and I am nothing if not a man of my word."
Michael snorts. "Sure you are."
"Guess what?" Jack says eagerly.
Jo smiles. "What?"
"I got to pet a hellhound!" Jack says, beaming. "She was really cute and sweet and --"
Lucifer groans and slaps his hand against his forehead. "What part of 'Jo and hellhounds have history' did you not understand?"
Jack shrugs. "You just said that's why we couldn't bring Ramsey, not that I couldn't talk about her."
Michael sighs. "Lucifer, don't bring the kid down to Hell. Heaven's not going to be happy."
"That sounds like a you problem," Lucifer tells him.
Jo rolls her eyes at the two of them and turns her attention back to Jack. "So, you can see hellhounds?"
He nods. "Some of them looked kinda scary, all covered in scratches and scars, but Ramsey was adorable -- and surprisingly soft, too." He doesn't have much experience with animals -- he blames his dimension's Dean for that -- but he doesn't think dogs are usually that soft.
"That's... cool," Jo says uncertainly.
"Oh, sorry, do you want me to stop talking about her?" Jack asks. Maybe that's what Lucifer meant.
"No no, it's okay," Jo says. "Actually, I was going to ask, did you say you wanted to bring her with you?"
Jack frowns. "Well, I did, but Lucifer said I couldn't." He didn't want to complain about it, but he can't pretend he's not disappointed. He really likes her. But at least they can go back and visit her every now and then.
"Well, I don't want to overrule Lucifer," she says, "but if the only thing that made him say that was me, then I think you can bring her."
"Really?" Jack perks up at that. That would be so much fun! He can't wait!
But when Lucifer says, "Really?" it's more incredulous than excited.
Jo shrugs. "He's stuck in another dimension. Letting him take in a hellhound is the least I can do." She pauses. "But I do want it to stay away from me and don't tell the customers -- and if it's going to attack anyone, I revoke that invitation."
"She wouldn't attack anyone without being told to," Lucifer assures her. "I could build her a fenced-in area behind the bar if that's okay with everyone." Even a small area to roam would be better than the cage she's stuck in most of the time.
Jo smiles. "I like that! Best of both worlds. Jack gets his demonic dog, and I don't have to go anywhere near it."
Jack grins. "Awesome."
"I'm going to get out of here before you bring the hellhound in," Michael says. "Hellhound hair would be very hard to explain to the angels."
"Aw, okay," Jo says with a frown. "Well, come back soon, okay?" She stands on her toes to give him a quick kiss. "I'm gonna miss you."
"I'll come back as soon as I can," Michael assures her. "Maybe even tomorrow."
Jo grins. "I'm gonna hold you to that."
"I wouldn't dream of it any other way."
~~
When Michael gets to Heaven, he is dumbfounded. The halls are never full of angels, but there's usually at least one of them nearby at all times. Right now, it's all just... deserted.
As Michael walks through the halls, keeping his eyes peeled for any angel nearby, the lights flicker in and out. If Heaven is this weak with an archangel, he can't imagine how poorly it was functioning before he came back. No wonder Duma was so insistent that he return.
He wanders around for a few minutes, and when he finally reaches an angel, it happens to be Duma. That's probably for the best; she seems to be the closest thing to a leader that they have.
She breathes a sigh of relief. "Michael, you're here."
He nods. "I am." He glances around at the flickering lights. "How long has it been like this?"
"Too long," she says darkly. "There has been far too much infighting among our brothers and sisters. Lucifer and Castiel certainly did not help, either."
"I can imagine," Michael replies. He loves Lucifer and he doesn't mind Castiel, but he knows they're prone to causing trouble. He just didn't expect them to cause this much trouble.
"Thank you for coming back," she says. "I could tell you wanted to stay with the human."
Michael narrows his eyes. Angels and hunters don't tend to get along, so he's not sure he likes where this is going. "I will still be visiting her. I haven't completely left earth yet." He'd like to think he won't leave earth until Jo dies and ascends into Heaven, though now that he's seen what Heaven looks like...
Duma cocks her head to the side. "You love her."
"I do," Michael says without hesitation. He wants to make his position very clear. He won't tolerate any negative remarks about her.
"For the longest time," she tells him, "I thought Castiel was crazy for falling in love with a human. But between you and him..." She shrugs. "Maybe there's something there when it comes to humanity."
A/N And that concludes ending number one! If you're happy with how things ended here, you are officially free from this story. If you've been begging for a different ending for the last three years, especially if your name starts with L and ends with uciferstempest, there's a whole 3500+-word epilogue for you and your cult :)))))