I rewrote this one because I absolutely hate the original version. Like I really fucking hate it, I can't even read it. I wrote the original version in like 3 hours, that's why it is fucking bad. So, I am bored and I rewrote it a bit. A lot, actually.
I don't know if I will keep the other version here. Probably not.
And I think some warnings would be good.
WARNINGS: STOCKHOLM SYNDROM, MENTION OF MURDER, TRAUMA, SAD BOI SHIT, MENTION OF ABUSE, THEY DON'T HAVE A SAFEWORD
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He should have been aware that it was an incredibly stupid and dangerous idea. But Dan was young, stupid, naive even and still put through his stubbornness. And where did it get him? He was sitting in a closet, terrified, hoping that the other men in the house wouldn't find him. Dan should have just stayed at home.
How did he end up here in the first place? Right, because of his dad. His dad was the police officer who had the say in this absolutely fucked up case. Of course he tried to hide all the files from his son, but Dan was nosy and found them anyway.
It was this evening that Dan found a map full of red crosses and became curious. It felt like a mission. One spot was circled in red, with a question mark beside it, and Dan knew what he had to do. He took a picture and made his way.
The spot was in the middle of a forest. Dan turned on the flashlight of his phone. It helped only limited, but he tried to anyway. He was scared, flinched at every sound, but after a while he found himself in a small clearing. In the middle of it was a tiny hut out of wood.
The police was looking for a kidnapper, in the worst case a murderer. Did they think he was here? Did they know this point at the map was a house? Have they ever been here? Dan swollowed hard and switched off his flashlight. Slowly he walked towards the house that looked almost deserted. However, when he managed to crack the door and stood inside the house, it lookd like the complete opposite.
It was clean, small but fully furnished. Someone lived here and maybe it was someone a lot of people were looking for. Dan didn't move for a while, just let his eyes wander around the place until he started to dig around. There was nothing to be found, though. Everything looked absolutely clean and normal.
Dan felt like a failure for a second, like he was a complete idiot. But there had to be a reason this exact spot was circled. He can't be that wrong, can he?
Then he heard footsteps.
And now he was sitting in a closet, hoping that the person would just disappear. The person moved slowely, carefully. Daniel could see a shadow moving back and forth. He held his breath, froze. He wanted to close his eyes as well, but he couldn't. His body was on high alert, trying not to get killed.
Then he saw him.
A man, black hair, young, ran across the room with a rag in his hand. He looked tense, alerted. Until he turned and looked at the closet door. Dan knew it, the stranger knew it. Then everything went very fast: the stranger tore the door open, Dan tried to run, Dan got thrown on the floor and the cloth was pressed on his face. Everything while Dan tried to break free.
But he wasn't strong enough.
Instead he woke up with an incredible headache. For a moment Dan wished that it was just a dream, but was disappointed when he noticed that his hands were tied behind his back, while he was lying on a bed. His legs were tied to the end of the bed. It was a struggle to keep his eyes open, but he knew he had to. He had to fight the urge to fall asleep again.
He kept looking at his legs for a while, until his eyes focused on something else. The stranger. He just sat there, on a chair, book in his hand, as if this was a normal thing to happen. The man didn't look up and Dan didn't say anything. He tried to free his hands from the ties.
"I wouldn't do that." The man said without looking up and Dan froze. "They get tighter the more you move."
"Let me go, please." Dan managed in a rough voice. He's gonna puke, his headache is gonna kill him. He wasn't sure if he could have walked if the stranger would have let him go.
"I'm thinking about it." Dan ignored that it was a lie. It felt like a bit of hope for him, even though he subconsciously knew that there was no way in hell he would get out of here.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to break in."
"You cracked the door." He said monotonously, turning the page of his book.
"I didn't know someone lived here." Dan said. "I'm sorry."
"Why are you here?" The stranger asked, while putting his book on the table next to him. He looked up and their eyes met. Dan forgot about his headache, because he needed to run away from here. He didn't care if his body would manage or not, he needed to go.
"It was a daring."
"You shouldn't lie to me right now." It sounded like a thread.
"I don't." Dan said silently, pleading. He didn't want to die, not here, not now. Not ever. It was the first time in his life that he wanted to go home.
"You do." The black haired man said coldly and got up, whereupon he left the small room.
"You can't leave me here." The door was open, Dan could see the man. He saw that he didn't give a shit about him. That this could end very badly for him.
"Why not?" The man asked, a tiny sign of a smirk on his face. Dan was so, so fucked.
"Please, don't kill me." Dan begged. It probably was stupid, it always ends bad in the psycho thrillers when people start to beg, but Dan couldn't help it. He had to try, he couldn't just let it happen. Because he can't run, he was tied up, he wouldn't just lay there and be murdered brutally.
The man seemed to roll his eyes, or he just looked annoyed. He came back and stood in the doorway for a while. Dan looked back at him, analyzed him. He was tall, skinny, black hair. He sighed after a while and came up to Dan, whereupon Dan flinched.
The man stopped at the end of the bed.
"I won't hurt you, unless you try to run." He clarified and Dan started to nod. Maybe he was stupid, but he believed him.
He began to release the ties on his legs. Dan froze, tried to breath normally. The man didn't look at Dan once and after he also untied his hands Dan sat up. He rubbed his wrists, saw the red marks, but tried to ignore them.
"Can I just go home? I won't tell anyone, promise. Or do you wanna call the police because I broke in? I just- I just wanna go home." Dan tried again.
"I won't call the police." The man said almost immediately. "But you are gonna stay here for a while."
Dan didn't know how he could have believed something else. It was a weird night, Dan didn't sleep, neither did the man, but they didn't talk either. Dan was in his head the most time.
The stanger left in the morning and Dan could hear how he locked the door. Dan waited a few minutes, looked out of the windows to make sure the may was gone until he tried to crack the door. He was successful, butapparently the man had somehow barricaded it from the outside.
Dan got nervous, was about to cry. He was sure he would get out of here, run home, be safe. It felt like someone was choking him.
Desperately he looked around, until he grabbed a chair and threw it against a window, but it didn't break. Dan looked at is, couldn't believe it and for a moment he thought that he was in hell. There was no way out.
He was looking for a phone, a computer, anything.
Hit by the realisation that there wa sno way out, Dan started to cry. Suddenly he started to hope, that his dad would find him. He would get out of here alive and his dad would find him.
After a while, he stood up from the floor and dropped on the couch with some kind of scientific book. He wouldn't understand it but he had nothing else to do anyway.
When the door opened in the evening, it didn't even bother him. The men looked at Dan, for a while actually, but he decided against saying anything. He just walked straight to the kitchen and started to cook.
And the food was delicious.
They sat on the table, both on different endings, which made Dan feel a little bit safe. They ate in silence for a while, until the black haired guy started to look around.
"The way the chair looks like, you tried to get away." he pointed out and Dan swallowed hard, looked up. The man's eyes were on the chair in the corner. Some splinters that had broken off had probably aroused suspicion in him.
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be." the man casually said and continued to eat. "It's only natural. You trying to get away. Get home."
Home. Dan swollowed hardly and continued to poke around in his plate. He's kind of full, but the food is good and what is he supposed to do anyway?
"What's your name?" Daniel asked at some point.
"What's yours?"
"I asked you first." Dan gritted his teeth.
"I don't care." the man said with satisfaction and Dan looked up. "And I don't want to tell you."
"Why should I tell you my name then?" Dan asked bitchy and the man chuckled.
"Doesn't matter if you tell me or not. I know who you are."
Dan swallows hard. The man pushed his plate aside and Dan automatically flinched. The stranger seemed to notice.
"I won't hurt you, as long as you behave." Dan nodded understandingly. "What were you looking for here anyways?"
"I didn't look for anything."
"Stop lying." he said while rolling his eyes.
"I told you, it was a-"
"Daniel." the man suddenly said. His name was pronounced like a warning and Dan took it as one.
"I don't wanna tell you." Dan said after a while and the man nodded.
"See? It isn't hard to be honest."
So the conversation ended and the man was gone in the evening. He told Dan to feel at home. He could use everything, watch everything, read the books that are on the shelf. In the closet were a few clothes he could wear if he wants to. Dan did as he was told. He slept in the bed, used the shower, drank the self made orange juice. And in every second he hoped that his father would come through the door.
"Where do you always go?" Dan asked as the man was cutting vegetabled for their dinner.
"It's none of your bussiness."
"I know... I just thought-" The man glared at Dan and he instantly shut up. Not for long, though. "University?"
The man was about to say something, but didn't. Instead he just looked at Dan, but he wasn't mad.
"I thought so. Because of all the books." Dan shrugged.
"You're smart." the other man started to chop again and Dan shook his head slightly.
"No. Just good at guessing." And the other man actually smiled slightly.
"What am I studying?" He asked, looking challengingly at Dan.
"Medicine." The man looked at Dan, scanned him fron head to toe and then he started to nod.
It wasn't a prison, but it wasn't freedom either. He actually started to seem nice, but Dan didn't want to underestimatethe danger. He still could be the man they were looking for.
"Why are you here?" The man asked this every fucking evening. Every time. And at some point Daniel didn't even know why he was trying to hide it. If this man knew who Daniel was, he also knew why he was here. So why was he asking all the time?
"You know it, right?" Daniel asked, his fork mid-air.
"It's possible."
"What do you know?"
"Your father is James Howell." Dan swollowed hard when he head this name and grabbed the wine glass. He took a big sip. It didn't even taste good. "Remind me... what is his job again?"
"Police officer." Dan answered without meeting his eyes.
"Exactly. So, why are you here?" He sethis cutlery aside, folded his hands and propped his chin on top of them.
"I don't know." Dan said honestly. He felt himself tearing up but was to proud to admit it. To show it. The man seemed to believe him, because he didn't pressure him. In fact, he didn't say anything.
"How did you find this place?" Dan got asked calmly. As if the man tried to help him. Who was he, his fucking therapist?
"I found a map that my dad tried to hide. This place- I mean the spot where this place is was circled in red. So I went out and now I am here." Dan answered.
"Why?" He sounded genuinely interested.
"Because I'm stupid." Dan stated as if it was the only possible answer. "Because I am stupid enough to believe that if I help to solve this case, maybe I could work for the police."
Dan wanted to be a hero. To me seem.
"Why don't you just apply?"
"My grades weren't good enough." Dan admitted.
"Really? This smart head of yours isn't good enough?"
Dan ignored the compliment. In fact they sat in silence for a while. Dan decided to refill his glass of wine.
"Did you find something?" The stranger asked.
"I don't know." Dan took a sip.
"Are you scared?"
"Should I be?" Dan smiled slightly, as if he is challenging the person in front of him.
The funny thing is, that Dan wasn't scared. He should have been, he should have been scared shitless, but he wasn't. Even thought he knew exactly who the person in front of him could be.
Dan found out that the stranger is the men everyone was looking for fourteen days later.
Dan had given up hope that his father would ever find him. His father wasn't searching for this place anymore, otherwise he would have been here already. Something has happened and maybe the black haired guy wasn't the man they were looking for.
But than Dan figured out the opposite.
He was bored. It was the middle of the day, the man wouldn't be back for a few more hours and Dan got tired of reading. He started to look around, clean even. And then he found a loose floorboard, next to another. Dan lifted it out of curiosity. He didn't expect anything. There was a staircase leading downstairs.
Maybe that is my way out, he thought. But it turned out to be a mortuary. Dan wanted to scream, almost did, but nothing left him. He was shocked, frozen in place, until he ran upstairs again and vomited into the toilet.
"Fuck." he murmured aúnder his breath.
After that he stood at the entrance for a while, just staring down, but then he put the floorboards at their place again.
A few days passed.
Dan hadn't said anything. How could he? He didn't want to end up down there. He behaved like he always did, not mentioning it once, he didn't even ask anything else in that matter.
At some point Dan decided that it's a pretty people thing. Every pretty person was weird. The guy who kept him was a fucking murderer.
The worst thing was, that it didn't scare Dan. It scared him that it didn't scare him. It felt like Dan didn't care. Maybe because he alwas knew who that guy was. Nevertheless he ate, talked and joked with him. Sometimes he read his books and the guy would explain them to him as if he was certain that Dan would understand.
Maybe Dan was okay with never going home again. As if all of this was okay, because Dan was fine. Dan knew he was fine because his dad was an police officer. He was some kind of hostage.
"What are you thinking about? You're so tense?" The stranger asked while placing his hands on Dan's shoulder, gently massaging him. Dan sat on his sofa, a book in his lap. He probably zoned out.
"Nothing."
"You sure?"
"Yeah, I just zones out."
Dan sat up straight and the stranger let go of his shoulders. Dan expected him to leave, but instead he sat down on the other side of the sofe.
"Why am I still here?" Dan asked.
"You're the son of a policeman and we both know what the case is. If they find out about this house or my name, which you don't know, that can affect my career. In my later life, I mean. I don't want that, I work too hard for that."
"I won't tell anyone." Dan said and he actually meant it. Even though he knew he won't leave, he knew that wasn't an option.
"I can't trust that. Once the case is over and they've got the killer, you can go, I promise."
Dan looked at him for a while until he started to nod. As if they found an agreement. Dan will never go home. Not until they find him and Dan has no fucking clue when this will happen.
He knew what he was. Maybe the stranger knew that Dan knew. Dan wouldn't say it because it wouldn't make any difference.
The man stoof up and as he passed Dan he put his hand gently on his shoulder. Dan swollowed and in that moment he realized, that he would go crazy too.
Maybe he already was, because he wasn't scared. Because he lived with this monster without even thinking about what is underneath them.
A few days passed. It was morning.
"A suprise?" Dan asked confused, while the stranger opened the door?
"We're gonna have breakfast outside. It's a beautiful Sunday morning and I understand that you probably miss the outside world. And I think you are smart enough to not run away." The man explained and Dan nodded, while his eyes were fixed on the outside world.
"I won't run." And Dan meant it. It wouldn't work anyway, so why should he do it? He didn't had anybody at home expect his dad. Did he even had his dad? He didn't had friends, nor a job.
Why not spent his time with a handsome serial killer?
They sat down on the grass and holy shit, Dan had missed it so much. Freshair, the sky, the feeling of grass below him. He layed down.
"Thank you." Dan saidat some point and the man just smiled gently at him. At that moment, Dan wascompletely convinced that he was a good person. Only a bit sick, but otherwisegood. He was nice, smart, a good cook. He looked good.
Maybe Dan would allow him to kill him.
"What?" The stranger laughed at some point and Daniel realized that he was staring at him.
"Nothing. Just enjoying the view."
Dan didn't mean to flirt, but he didn't had anything to loose anyway. The man didn't say anything.
A few hours passed and the stranger was standing behind a chair, waiting for Dan to sit down like he asked him to.
"I won't hurt you, I promise." Dan was unsure because this guy had a razor in his hand. Dan thought about declining for a few more seconds, until he just slumped down on the chair. The stranger turned the razor on and Dan closed his eyes.
"Just because you aren't allowed to go out doesn't mean that I let you molder. Your hair is way too long." The man commented and Dan laughed.
"I looked better when I first came here?" Dan teased, but he couldn't see the man shake his head.
"Your hair looked better. Your face is just as pretty."
Dan didn't say anything, but he didn't close his eyes again and relaxed into the chair.
And in the evening they argued.
Dan didn't even remember who started or what it was about, but they were screaming at each other. They were both angry. The stranger grew louder and louder, but he wasn't louder than Dan himself. When he turned to leave, Dan should have let him go. It would have been for the best, but Daniel was an asshole.
"Yeah, justfuck off like always. Don't answer my question, as always. Just leave this fucking house, at least you can!" Dan shouted.
He was standing at the door, already wearing his jacket. Dan felt his hands tremble, he was on edge. The stranger turned around jerkily and ran towards Dan. Dan couldn't react and he surely didn't see the slap coming. He only heard the sound of it, felt his head snap to the right as the burn spread across his entire cheek.
"Shut up." The man said darkly, sinister. Dan slowly looked at him and stood upright. His blue eyes looked darker. Dan stopped caring what the man would do to him a while ago.
"Fuck you."
Andjust seconds later, Daniel found himself on his back on the floor, while the strangers hand was on his throat, squeezingtight. Like he meant it. Dan panicked, he did, he tried to kick him off, put his hands around the other man's wrists, but he didn't let go. Just before he fainted, the man let go and Dan gasped for air as he sat on topof him, just looking at him. Dan could do nothing but breathe and cough and try not to die tonight.
Their eyes met. Dan realized that they were close. So damn close. Dan thought that is he doesn't take this opportunity now, he will never have it again. That's why he lifted his head slightly, until their lips touched. The man didn't flinch.
He put his hand back on Dan's neck and pushed him back on the floor again, so he could just take what the stranger gave to him. Dan slightly opened his mouth so the man could enter with his tongue.
But it was over as fast as it started. He got up andslammed the door behind him shut. It happened so fast that Dan couldn't even react.
Dan had laid there on the floor for a while. Actually, he fell asleep there.
The next morning he laid on the couch and just looked at the ceiling. He didn't even look up when the door opened. He heard the door close again and felt the guy looking at him.
He could head his breath, but he tried so hard to ignore him, even though Dan was fucking glad he came back.
"Morning." He said quitly and seemed to wait for a reaction.
"Morning."
He put down some bag on the kitchen table and Dan sat up.
"I thought you wouldn't come back." Dan admitted as he watched the man empty the bag. It was breakfast for Dan. The man looked up, looked at Dan for a while, until his gaze moved to the his neck.
He took a step towards Dan and he flinched, whereupon the stranger stopped. Something he never did before.
"Sorry about yesterday." He started.
"Me too."
"I shouldn't have hurt you."
"I shouldn't have provoked you." Dan mumbled, looking at him. "We both fucked up, I suppose." He looked at the couch and then back at Daniel. A silent question and Dan answered with a nod. He sat down next to Dan on the couch and looked at his neck worried.
"It doesn't hurt." Dan said quitly, unsure if it was a lie or not. He knew that he wouldn't stop him from doing it again. Maybe he even wanted it.
"What do you want for dinner? Whatever you want." The stranger said, as if he was begging for forgiveness.
"Chinese?" He nodded instantly. "And maybe some snacks? And books?"
"Of course."
The man stood up and Dan laid down again, looking at the ceiling.
"Daniel?" Dan turned his head a bit so he could look at the other man. "I would never leave you here."
Dan felt his heart fill with something warm and then the man was gone.
Daniel napped a few times, read some magazines, even listened to music on an MP3 player the stranger gave him. It had My chemical romance on it and Dan didn't know how he should react to that.
The man came back in the evening, with a bag full of groceries and he started cooking. He told Dan he wouldn't get him some unhealthy take away, but he would get chinese food. Dan smiled at that.
Anyway, he refused to help him.
"That was fucking good. Thank you." Dan smiled and leaned back in his chair, while the stranger was busy cleaning the table.
Dan watched him wash the dished and putting them back into the shelfs. He did it way faster than Dan was used to and he didn't talk while doing so. Dan actually liked the little smalltalk they had sometimes.
But now it seemed like the man couldn't wait to get away as fast as he can.
It hurt somewhere. More than the stains on Dan's neck that strangely hurt when he moved his head or swallowed. Dan stood up and walked towards the man.
"Why did you leave yesterday?" Dan asked more hurt than he wanted to. "Don't ignore that, please."
The man closed the cupboard and turned around.
"Because I don't like it if you want to distract me like that." He sounded mad.
"It wasn't a distraction." Dan defended himself. "It was an fucking opportunity."
The man rolled his eyes and went past Dan, putting on his jacket. He gave Dan a dark glance. He was mad.
"Please don't leave me. You said you wouldn't leave me." Dan started to beg and the man softened a bit. Dan could feel himself tearing up.
"Dan..."
"What? I've probably misinterpreted your entire attention. I'm stupid, how could I forget that?" Dan meant it. He believed himself. Of course this man doesn't feel anything for him. He is a means to an end. How could he have believed something else?
"You know you're not stupid." The man said and at that moment it meant so fucking much. It meant that Dan hadn't misinterpreted it. That maybe he was the first person that didn't believe that Dan was an idiot.
Dan didn't care that he had tears in his eyes. Maybe he wanted that the other men sees them.
"Than stay with me." Dan said, walking up to him until he was right in front of him. "I behaved well, didn't I?"
"Yeah." The other men whispered, looking at Dan's lips.
Dan wanted to touch him so fucking bad.
"I would be good. Please, don't leave me."
The man swallowed hard and Daniel didn't dare to go one step further. He didn't dare to move his hand, move an inch closer, to kiss him.
"Good night, Daniel." Hesaid as he turned around and went to the door, whereupon Dan just stayed at hisplace, hoping that he wouldn't leave. It felt like someone was holding his heart in a strong fist.
Hepaused just before the door until he turned around and walked, almost ran, quickly to Dan,whereupon he connected their lips. Dan gave him complete control, letting him inwith his tongue. Daniel surrendered.
He put his hands on the younger ones back, pushing him closer to him. At some point his hands moved to Dan's butt, whereupon he instanly wrapped his legs around him and the stranger picked him up and took both of them to the bedroom. He threw Dan on the bed and sat down between his legs, where he joined their lips again.
Daniel was unsure at first, but then he decided to put his hands on the older men's neck and pull him closer. He wanted everything he could get.
For a brief second Dan remembered how sick this actually was. The man he was making out with was a murderer, there were bodies below them. Dan decided that he was sick too, because he didn't care.
He was hard and he didn't care.
They took of each other's shirt. Daniel ran his hand along the other men's chest, admiring him. Right now, nothing mattered. They were just two guys, who couldn't wait to fuck.
He gently kissed the bruises on Dan's neck and he groaned, half in pain, half in excitement.
"Please." Dan said without thinking about it and he could feel the other men's smile at his neck.
"Please what?" He grinned and looked up, meeting Dan's eyes. This was too much.
"I don't know." Dan almost whimpered and the man stroked his hair once, calming him down.
"You could blow me." he said in a deep voice. It sounded like an suggestion, but Dan knew it was an order.
"I don't- I never-"
"I know." The black haired man said softly and got off Dan. "Don't worry about it."
The man sat at the edge of the bed. He gestured for Dan to get on his knees.The younger one did so, but he was extremely unsure.
"Don't worry." The man said again as Dan looked at him. He put a hand in Dan's hair, not demanding, more reasuring and Dan got to work.
Dan took the other man into his mouth. He was big, too big for Dan to fit him in his mouth completely. Dan just remembered himself that this is his first time and not to worry.
The other man's grip on his hair tightened. But he didn't pull, he just rested his hand their and Dan got the feeling that he didn't was so bad at this.
Dan started to palm himself through his pants.
"No. That's mine. If you come before I was anywhere near your cock, I'll make sure you come again and it's painful for the first time." The man said and Dan instantly pulled back completely.
"Fuck." Dan swore. He breathed a few times until the other man laid his hand on Dan's jaw and made him look at him. He gently stroked his cheek with his thumbs until he placed it against Dan's lower lip for a brief moment.
He kissed him, quickly.
"Get on the bed." Dan nodded and immediately obeyed. He laid on his back, while he watched the other men undress completely. The next moment he took of Dan's pants and Dan was so fucking thankful, because it actually started to hurt to be trapped in any kind of pants.
They looked at each other for a while, scanned each other.
"You're perfect." said the other after a while. As if he regretted something, but Dan didn't know exactly what. He didn't ask. "I'll be right back."
Dan nodded and started at the ceiling while the other man was gone. He tried to calm his breathing, to calm himself down.
"Good boy." the men said when he returned and Dan held his breath. He threw a tube on the bed and Dan knew exactly what it was. "Spread your legs."
Dan did like he was told whereupon the other men sat down between his legs, tookthe tube and distributed some of the gel on his hand.
"It's going to hurt at first, but you'll get used to it. Just relax." Dan nodded. "For the first time I'll slow down." Both of them smiled, meaning the sentence implied that their will be a second time.
"Oh fuck!" it escaped Dan when the first finger entered him. "That feels really fucking weird."
"Do you trust me?" Heasked, determined but gentle, and Dan nodded. He had trusted him all along. He took his hand with his free one and squeezed slightly. The men smiled lightly, kissing Dan's forehead until he entered a second finger and kept moving it in and out. When he put a third, Dan was convinced that he would drive him crazy. That he would die if he didn't do more.
"I'll show you something now." He said and Dan looked at him with a frown. Until he brought all three fingers deep into him again and hit a point that Dan didn't know existed inside of him.
"Oh my fucking god. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck."
He pulled back all his fingers. Dan laid there like a fucking mess, trembling, because he needed more and he was so damn empty. His head was to clouded to think about how fucked up this is. How fucked up he is.
"I got you, I got you." the older men said and put his lips on Dan's again until he slowly entered with his cock.
"Shit." Dan pressed my eyes together and burried his nails in the other men's back. When he entered completely Dan held his breath, squeezed his eyes shut.
"Breathe." the man said softly, kissing the younger man's forehead, his jaw, his neck. Daniel tried, but it seemed like no oxygen in the world was enough. Like he was suffocating because it felt so good and nothing could save him.
After a while the other men started to move slowly. He rested his hands next to Dan's head.
It took a while for Dan to adjust completely, but after a while he relaxed. He opened his eyes, a tear slipped down. He started to breath again. Shaky breaths and his hold on the other men's back loosened up.
After a while his hand went down automatically until the other man grabbed his wrist.
"Don't you dare." he muttered.
"Please." Dan whimpered and the other man smirked. That asshole smirked.
"Please what?"
"I don't know." Dan really didn't. He needed something. He didn't even know what he needed. Something wasn't enough.
"Maybe you want me to touch you?" Dan nodded. "Words, baby."
"Yes, please. Touch me, please."
"You can do it without me touching you." said the other man confidently.
"Please." Dan almost sobbed.
"You trust me, right?" Dan nodded, feeling his cheeks get wet. And suddenly the men hit exactly the same spot as before and Daniel saw stars.
"Fuck. More."
"Okay, baby. Just let go." And he got faster, Dan thought he was gonna die just because it felt so fucking good. It felt too good to be true. And then he came screaming and for a moment Dan forgot who he was, what he did here, with who.
"Fuck." Was the first thing Dan got out when the men started wiping his stomach with a damp cloth.
"You good?" he smirked.
"Fuck yes."
And so they were. They were something.
The stranger, if Dan is gonna call him like this, bought him a new book. He read it to him. It was about some scientific theory Dan didn't understand completely. Dan just looked at the love bite on the strangers neck.
They kissed each other randomly. They kissed hello, they kissed goodbye. They teased each other. They took showers together.
"Don't you have any plans? Not a profession you want to practice?" He asked as he stroked Dan's hair, while they were lying on the couch after breakfast on a Saturday morning.
"I always wanted to go to the police. But maybe I want to become a doctor now. With my prior knowledge." Dan joked and the stranger planted a kiss on his hair.
"You would be a good doctor. With all the books you've read. And even understand."
And in the first time in forever, Dan felt like he was someone. Like he could become someone on his own.
"What's your life like when you're not with me?" Dan asked him and played with the other men's free hand.
"I'm always with you." he laughed.
"But how is the time without me? What are you doing there?"
"I'm at university or the library. Sometimes I have breakfast with some people, but they are really only acquaintances."
"Don't you have friends?" Dan asked with a frown. The men looked so good and he could be quite nice. Surely he had a bunch of people who would like to be closer to him.
"I have you."
"Except me." Dan rolled his eyes.
"I don't think much about human relationships. No idea what you did to me with your ass."
Dan couldn't help but laugh and the men kissed him, while grabbing his ass.
So it didn't took long for both of them to land in the little bedroom. Both of them had no idea how often they already fucked, but they just couldn't stop.
It was good. They were good.
They fit.
Half an hour has passed, both of them were naked and Dan was so, so desperate. He was rock hard and the older men pushed into him without any mercy. It was so good and way too much.
"I want to come, please! Oh my god." They established pretty fast that the other man was in control here. Nothing happened without his permission. Especially Dan's orgasms.
"I said not yet." The man grunted through his teeth, while he held Dan's wrists above his head. Their fingers interwined.
"Please, please. I'm gonna be so good. Please. I'll do everything you want."
"I want you to shut up."
Dan didn't know he could, but he pulled himself together. He squeezed his eyes shut and held his breath, tried so fucking hard to control himself.
"Fuck, look at you." The other men said and Dan opened his eyes, looked into his. "You're so fucking good."
"Please." Dan whimpered silently and the other men nodded.
"Come."
And it was the absolute best orgasm Dan ever had in his entire life. He didn't know how a stranger could do this to him. Know him so fucking well. It was always fucking intense, but never too much.
It was good.
"I have a question and I just want you to answer it honestly. It doesn't matter what the answer is. It won't change anything." Dan started later in the evening when they laid together in bed, after another round of this breath taking sex.
"Promise, I'm honest." The other men said.
"What am I to you? Am I just some fucktoy you come back to or do I mean anything to you?"
"You mean a lot to me."
Dan realized that this answer changed something after all. It made both of them vulnerable.
Dan no longer held back his feelings. He didn't express them openly either, but he no longer stopped them from developing. He let them grow into the strongest feeling he can imagine.
"Are you afraid?" The stranger asked a few days later.
Both of them were about to come down from their orgasms. Daniel laid onhisstomach, the man was lying on his back, staring at the ceiling.
"You haven't asked that for a while." Dan noticed and the other man faced the younger one.
"You always said no."
"I wasn't scared."
"Wasn't?" The man asked suprised.
"I'm afraid. I'm scared of you. I'm fucking terrified of what you do to me. Of what I feel. I can't do anything against it. I don't even want to."
He looked at Dan, almost regretfully, as if he was sorry. The way he looked at him when they fucked the first time.
"God, if you knew." He put his hand on Dan's cheek and gently stroked it until he started playing with his hair for a moment.
"I know it." Dan said then.
"What do you know?"
"I know who you are." He swallowed hard and took his hand away from him. "You are the man they search for. I'm rather worried that I don't care about you being the killer."
"I'm not a killer."
"You think I bluff?" He looked at Daniel as if he was giving up, but as if the other half wouldn't let him. "I know what's in the basement. I'm sorry, it was a accident I found it. I was so curious that I had to look up what's under the loose wooden floorboards. "
"Since when?" The other men surrendered.
"Fairly long." Dan admitted.
"You never said anything."
"What should I have said? You've never done anything to me, I've always trusted you, from the beginning." Daniel put his hand on his cheek and moved a little closer to him.
"Philip." He said at some point and Dan frowned.
"What?"
"My name is Philip."
"Philip." Daniel said incredulously. "Phil." He smiled slightly.
Then Daniel sat up and climbed on top of him, whereupon he started to kiss him. The other men was confused at first, pushed the younger on slightly away.
"What the hell are you doing?"
"I want you to fuck me again. Hard. Hard enough for me to scream your name." Daniel panted and he could see how the pupils of the other men grew.
"That can be arranged."
It was aranged.
Daniel felt as if they had become even closer than they were anyway. Phil knew that Dan wasn't afraid of him, even if he knew what he was. Dan knew that Phil wouldn't hurt him.
That he meant something to him.
It was raining, maybe even storming when they were in bed together. Dan was laying on the other men's chest, Phil stroking his hair as usual
"Let's just run away." Dan started. "I want to go to Paris, Rome, Tokyo. Why do we rot in this hut, let us go and be free?"
"I can't."
"Why not?" Dan leaned up slightly, meeting his eyes.
"I study, Dan. I want to become a doctor. I want to achieve that. I need that."
"You won't reach it if the police grabs you." Dan said seriously. He tried to hide his fear. That this moment could come someday.
"They won't get me." Phil shook his head.
"What if they will?"
"You just want to run away? What about your father?" Phil asked, his hand now around Dan's shoulder, holding him.
"What about him? He thinks that I can't get anything done. And I don't want to live normally without you. Normal is boring. I want to be with you." Dan admitted and he saw Phil swallow.
They just looked at each other for a moment, until Phil pulled Dan close and kissed him softly.
"I'll take you to Paris and Tokyo. I'll take you everywhere. But wait. Promise me to wait."
"I promise."
After another two weeks of love, sex and cuddeling, Dan got the feeling that Phil lied to him. About every promise he made. About them going somewhere, that the police would never get him.
Dan never lied, though. He would always wait for him.
Phil actually gave himself away.
"If the police ever finds you, you have to lie." Phil said. It felt like someone stabbed Dan and Dan was so confused that he was sure he heard him wrong.
"What?" he asked shocked, confused, pleading.
"At least you can't say that we fucked. It will be bad for you no matter how you portray it." Phil kept talking and Dan realized what he was saying.
"Fuck you, no." Dan insisted and crossed his arms.
"Yes, Dan!"
"Phil!"
"I want you to have a normal life if they ever find you. So please, promise me that you'll be silent about this. Promise me that you keep it to yourself, that you knew who I am. Promise me this is our secret, baby."
He rarely called Dan that. Only if he really meant it. I swallowed hard, but nodded.
"I promise."
Dan felt like he was making all the promises. As if he was the only one who planned to keep them. And it hurt.
Phil kissed Dan's forehead.
"I have been away for what? Almost a year? They won't find me. I don't want them to find me." Dan clinged to that hope. That they gave up and don't even search for him anymore. They probably think he is dead.
"I know." Phil said.
"Phil?"
"Yeah?"
"I love you. I really do." Dan admitted for the first time.
"I know. But they shouldn't know that."
And the next day sounded like a goodbye.
"I love you." That's what he said when he left.
It was the first time he said it while Dan stood right in front of him. And it left Dan shocked and scared. It didn't even make him happy, because he already knew it. Of course he did. But he also realized that something was off.
Something was wrong.
Phil had said it several times already. While he thought that Dan was sleeping, while they fucked, when he sneaked out of the house in the morning without wanting to wake up Dan. He said it more with his eyes than with words.
Dan knew it was a goodbye and he couldn't stop it.
Phil didn't come back in the evening. And while Dan knew exactly what it meant, I hoped with his whole heart that he would come back to him.
He promised he wouldn't leave him.
Phil didn't come home.
Instead, he gave the police Daniel's location. And when Dan's father opened the door of the house, he knew this story was over. This whole fucked up love story was over. Whatever had happened in this house would also stay here and the story wouldn't be continued. Because the two main characters were gone.
Someone closed the book.
Daniel cried. Everyone believed that he cried out of relief, it was because he lost something very dear to him.
A few hours later he found himself wrapped in a blanket. Daniel sat in his father's office, drinking cheap coffee that tasted horrible and answering questions he didn't want to answer. He didn't want to talk. He just wanted to die.
This was too much, he couldn' handle it. He didn't want to handle it.
His father showed him a photograph of Phil, and asked if that was the man that kidnapped him. Dan wanted to say no, deny it, but he knew what they had found in the badement, so Dan started to nod slowly. That's all they wanted to know at the time, with a few more questions about Dan's well being.
"Why didn't you go to this hut? You wanted to go there, it was on your fucking map." Dan said almost angry, with tears in his eyes..
"I didn't know that you were there. I didn't even think that you saw this map." His father tried to defend himself.
"That's not an answer to my question."
"He started to kill in another area, dumping the bodies somewhere else. He has taken us in a completely different direction."
Daniel was angry, so fucking angry. He was mad at his father for not fnding him earlier. It would have been so painless, so much easier, than sitting in his office now, a year later. A few months ago Daniel would have been happy, safe. But now he was just empty.
He clouldn't sleep the first nights at home. It was cold and lonely without Phil next to him. Nor could he get used to the bad food he was eating without any problems before he met Phil. That's why he started reading cookbooks at night and remembering what Phil had taught him.
He tried so hard to feel close to Phil.
"I'm so glad you're fine." His father told him one morning when they sat at their little kitchen table, drinking cheap coffee.
Dan wanted to yell at him, tell him he isn't fine. He is so far away from fine, but he just kept quiet, sipping his coffee.
"I know our relationship is difficult, but you are my son. I love you. I wouldn't know what I would have done if he would have done something to you, I-"
"But he didn't." His dad nodded. Dan didn't look up from his cup of coffee.
His father insisted that he should come to the police office with him again. Dan hated it, hated that he was treated like a child again, but that's what he was, right? He was nothing. Useless, nothing but a little child.
"You'll have to testify in court." His father told him while another policeman was in the room. Dan looked back and forth between the two.
"Do I have to?" He asked. "Can't I just testify here and you read it?"
"That's not how it works." The other policeman said kindly, because Dan's father didn't answer for a while. At least that guy made him feel like a fucking person.
But... would Dan bear that? To see Phil again in court before they place him in a cell for the rest of his life? Dan swallowed hard and started to nod, making everyone understand that he understood.
Daniel was mad at Phil.
At everyone.
And it hurt, it hurt so fucking much.
It started to hurt the moment Daniel entered the room. It felt wrong. To be in a room with him, while so many other people were there. As if the things that happened weren't real. But oh they were.
The pain took his breath away.
It was a secret. They were a secret, other people weren't allowed in here. Dan just wanted to safe him. To hug him, be with him. He didn't care what all of this was about.
He wanted to look at the judge and beg him to let Phil go.
Please, I need him. Please, don't take him away from me, Dan screamed in his head.
Phil sat in front of him, when the lawyer questioned Dan and he always tried to keep in mind what the other man had asked him to do. What he promised. To lie.
"Is it true that man held you?" The lawyer asked.
"Yes."
"Did you try to escape?"
"Of course I tried." Dan said with a frown. As if he couldn'T believe this question was asked. "I tried everything. It was impossible to get out of this cabin."
Dan remembered the few times he could have run. When Phil supprised him with breakfast outside or a little walk. A snowfight in winter. He could have escaped, he just didn't want to anymore.
"Did he ever hurt you?" Dan swallowed hard. He remembered that one night: Phil's hands around his throat, choking him, leaving a few bruises the next day.
"No. He was always nice." Dan lied and he swore he could see a tiny frown on Phil's cold face.
"Did you know who he is?"
"No." Dan sad instantly. "I thought he could be it. That's why I was in the hut in the first place, but no, I was never completely sure. He never told me his name."
In that moment Dan wanted to scream so badly. He wanted to tell everyone to fuck off.
Phil looked at him coldly. Just as he had looked at him the first day. They both lied. But Phil was better.
"You didn't know about the basement?"
"No."
"He never did anything to you? Or wanted you to do something?"
"No."
"What do you think, why not? Why didn't he hurt you? "
"I don't know."
And then everything went pretty fast. Dan only now seemed to realize what had happened at all. That Phil, the man he learned to love so dearly, was sentenced to rott in a cell for life while he had to deal with it alone out there. All alone.
Phil was gone and Daniel knew he would never see him again.
But for a moment, Dan forgot that horrible idea while he watched Phil getting handcuffed and their eyes met. Phil smiled at Dan contentedly, as if he was proud of Dan. As if he was thanking him. Just a moment, just so Dan could see it and Dan nodded. And it broke his heart.
Daniel wanted to run after him, stop him, tell everyone that it was all a huge misunderstanding. But he couldn't do that. And he couldn't stop looking at him while they took him away.
Daniel couldn't save him.
It was a horrible car ride home. Daniel and his father spent it in silence. Dan felt as if a part of him died. A part of his soul. Phil took his soul.
Daniel felt cold, empty. He didn't know what to do and he didn't even want to do anything. He just wanted to be in pain, feel the loss.
He sat down on the old couch in their living room and looked through some cookbooks that his mother wrote down before she died.
"You did well today. I can imagine, it's not easy." He heard my father say while he was leaning against the door frame.
"Thanks." he murmured.
"It's not easy to lie to the whole courtroom." Daniel froze, dropped the book and looked at his father. He looked at Dan as if he knew everything, as if he was disappointed but not angry.
"What?"
"You can fool everyone, Daniel. But not your father."
"I didn't lie, you ass!"
"But you haven't said the truth either, right?" He sat down on the chair, which stood directly next to the couch. "I saw the way you looked at him."
Daniel rolled his eyes and sat up. How did he look at him? With his hearteyes? It's possible, Dan fucking loved him.
"Do you know what that is?"
"What?" Dan asked annoyed.
"Stockholm Syndrome. You know that."
"Like the beauty and the beast or what? Am I at least the beauty?" Dan said sarcastically with a laugh. He was tired.
"Daniel, that's serious."
"It's bullshit. I'm sorry that he didn't kill me or beat me up, if that's what you would have preferred to hear. "
"Of course not! I'm glad he didn't hurt you. But he did something different with you. You aren't the Daniel you were a year ago. You're different and I don't like that kind of thing." How could he expect Daniel not to change in a year?
"Oh yes? Do you want your son who can't do anything, that doesn't knows anything? Do you want to have him back?" His father sighed. "I lived with a monster for a year, dad. Didn't you think that would turn me into one too?"
Daniel stood up and put the book back on the shelf.
"You knew who he was, right?"
"Does it matter?"
Four years passed. Daniel lived at the other end of the country. Far from his father, far away from Phil, who was rotting in a cell, far away from everything that reminded Dan of him.
Daniel couldn't live with the thought of never seeing him again. Without him to live with.
He lived in a very remote village now. It was three houses, one was his. The other two families were very uninterested in him. Dan didn't care. In fact, he liked it.
Of course his father had dragged him to a therapist who assumed that Daniel was too traumatized and damaged to live a normal life, so he got social benefits every month. Which is why he could practically just retire.
Dan wasn't pleased when his dad was at his front door. They didn't stay in contact that much, only when Dan's father called him three times of the year. Daniel let him in.
"He broke out." he told Daniel while he was about to give him a cup of coffee.
"What?" Daniel asked shocked, almost dropping the mug, but his father took it out of his hands, before it could fall. Dan could feel his heart pumping.
"He broke out three days ago." His father repeaded and Dan swallowed, holding himself on the kitchen counter. "Was he here? Is he here?"
"No." Dan answered. Some part of him was hurt. Why isn't he here? "Do you want to look around? Search for the monster under my bed?"
"No." his father shook his head.
"Are you here professionally?" Dan looked out of the window. His father was here with his normal car. No police cars anywhere. No blue lights, nothing.
"No and no one will show up here after your testimony in court. You're safe." his father explained and Dan nodded.
"Good, I don't like company."
"You would like his company." Dan said nothing, but both of them knew the answer. Daniel had never told his dad more than what he already knew. Nothing from cooking, cuddling, fucking. But he was sure he knew that and he just ignored it.
They didn't want to talk about this.
"Take care of yourself, son." He said goodbye after another cup. He drove a long way, but Daniel didn't ask him to stay. He didn't want him to stay.
"Yes, Dad."
After a while Dan rolled up in a blanket and stared at the ceiling.
Phil wouldn't come. Daniel would kill him.
He was so fucking mad at him.
Dan didn't kill him.
It was the middle of the night when Daniel heard his door being cracked. Slowly he got up and went downstairs, whereupon he saw a silhouette in his tiny living room.
"Normal people knock." he mumbled and saw the figure turn around. Phil didn't turn on the light, but walked slowly towards Daniel, whereupon they just looked at each other for a while. A street lamp lighted the house very easily, so they could see something.
Phil was older, his hair was longer than before, but that's something Daniel could take care of tomorrow. He was thinner than before and had a scar on his right eyebrow.
Daniel hit him in the face.
"Fuck you." Phil didn't ask, didn't say anything, and Daniel put my lips on his. He tasted blood, tasted him and that was what Dan needed most of all because suddenly he felt something again. He felt warm and okay. He felt so okay.
"You son of a bitch, just left me in this fucking hut. You knew that you wouldn't come home. You knew it!"
"I'm sorry." he said out of breath.
"Show me you're sorry."
Minutes later, Dan laid naked on his bed while Phil was lying over him kissing every spot he could get while he worked three fingers into the younger one.
"I thought I would never do that again."
"Me too." Dan mumbled, running his fingers through Phil's hair. "I haven't let anyone near me. I'm yours, still."
Phil broke away from Dan and looked him in the eye, almost incredulous. He removed his fingers and entered with his cock, whereupon Dan groaned.
"You're perfect, so damn perfect. Mine." Phil said out of breath.
"Yours." Daniel's hands were burried in Phil's hair. It hurt a bit. Four years was a long time. And it was too much and fast and Dan wanted more. He always wanted more.
"Do you trust me?" Phil asked, just like all the other times before. Dan could feel butterflies in his stomach, because this felt like home. He felt like coming home.
"Always." Dan answered and Phil put his hand around his throat, only lightly.
"I could kill you."
"You wouldn't." Dan looked him in the eye, like a daring, and there was again this dark sparkle that Daniel had missed so much. Phil squeezed slightly and it felt so, so good.
"But I could." He got faster, met Dan's prostate again and again. The younger one was loosing his mind.
"I'm not afraid of you." he said softly, whereupon Phil squeezed harder and Dan couldn't breathe anymore.
And it was too much, it was all too much. He was too much. And still Dan wanted more.
Dan noticed the all too well-known knot in his stomach, until Phil let go of his throat. Daniel took a deep breath and came, while seeing stars.
Daniel woke up when he noticed someone was stroking his hair. A familiar feeling. He opened his eyes and saw that a very familiar black haired man was lying next to him. He smiled, laughed about the fact thathe instantly passed out after he came.
"You're really here." Daniel mumbled and Phil smiled gently.
"Where else would I be?"
For a while we they looked at each other and Daniel let him play with his hair, like the older men always did. Dan missed it.
"You promised you would never hurt me. You promised you wouldn't leave me." Daniel finally started. He had tears in his eyes and he didn't care. He didn't want to hide it, actually, he wanted Phil to see them.
"I'm sorry, baby. They had me, I couldn't change it."
"We could have run away." Dan said.
"They would have caught me at the airport."
"We didn't even try, you asshole." Daniel had straightened up and ended up sitting on top of him, ckoking him. He let me.
"You just gave up and left me behind. Then you let them find me. And then I had to pretend that it didn't mean anything to me. That you didn't mean anything to me. I had to lie while I looked you in the eye. I had to watch as they took you away from me." Daniel took his hands off his throat and his lover took a deep breath, coughed a little.
"I could kill you, too." Dan said sinisterly.
"I know." Phil said, putting his hand to Daniel's cheek. "You're so beautiful. My little masterpiece."
"If you leave me again, I will kill you." Dan actually meant it. He wouldn't do this again, all this pain and heartbreak.
"Okay." Was all Phil said before his hands cupped Dan's ass. "Let's fuck again."
So they did.
Phil later noted that Dan rosted his own coffee beans. He looked suprised he examined the boy full of coffee beans. Phil was rummaging in Dan's kitchen, and the younger man had no problem with that.
"Yes, thanks to you I can't drink cheap coffee anymore." Dan said with a slight smile.
"You're welcome." Phil smiled.
"I also learned how to cook. Maybe I'll cook something tonight if you let me. What do you want?"
Phil agreed after a while. He even fell alseep on the sofa while Dan was cooking. Dan stopped once in a while, just to look at Phil. He couldn't believe he got him back.
Dan woke him up when it was time for dinner and Phil actually liked what he cooked. He ate two fucking plates and complained about the food he got in prison. Dan blushed when Phil told him how proud he is of Dan.
"My dad knows I lied." Dan said later while they were laying on the bed together. For once they were dressed. They just were there staring at the ceiling, enjoying that they were finally together again.
Phil frowned and looked over at the younger man.
"I didn't tell him." Dan clearified. "He just knew it. He hasn't told anyone, which actually makes me wonder. I kinda feel like he knows everything, even though I never elaborated. He was here a few days ago. Told me that you broke out. And drove away again."
"What did he say? To all of it?"
"Stockholm syndrome."
"And what do you think?"
"I don't give a fuck. Maybe he's right, but that wouldn't change anything." Phil moved closer to and started playing with Dan's hair as usual. "I love you."
"Why?" he asked. Dan looked at him, frowning.
"Because I'm somebody when I'm with you. At home I was just Daniel, the son of the officer, who didn't get his turn. I didn't have good grades, no great goals. Yeah, I wanted to go to the police, but why is the question. I wanted to prove something to people, which in retrospect is utter bullshit. But you never judged me. You gave me your books and explained them, like you were completely convinced that I would understand them. You asked me what my dreams and goals are, as if I were able to have them. You've changed me."
Phil leaned down and united their lips. It was a "I love you" but without words and Daniel knew that.
"Why?" He asked Phil the same question and Phil understood. Dan understood Phil, without words.
"Because you're pretty."
"Oh wow, thanks." Phil laughed and god, he was so much prettier than anything in this world.
"Because you're smarter than you think. Open-minded, ready to understand." And there were few words, but they meant a lot. Dan knew what he wanted to say. Almost like a simple thank you, because he didn't judge him, didn't hate, but loved. Because he was broken, as Phil had to be.
They fell asleep without having sex. Dan just laid his head onto Phil's chest and drifted away.
It didn't hold them back in the morning and Dan passed out right after he came. He was tired anyway. The past few days drained him of a lot of energy. It was just a lot.
When Dan woke up, Phil was gone. Dan dressed into his boxxers and a T-shirt, whereupon he went downstairs. Phil was standing in his kitchen, cooking something without his shirt on.
"Why did you kill all these people?" Dan asked. He had to know.
"You never asked that." Phil said, almost disappointed that the time had finally come.
"I thought I had more time with you before they caught you. I thought I would find out. Find out who you are." Dan explained and he actually expected Phil to turn around, but he didn't.
Phil said nothing and Dan looked at the scars on his back. He has seen them many times, even back then. When he slept, when they fucked, but Dan never dared to ask.
"Who did this to you?" Daniel asked softly, his hand hovering over Phil's back, but never touching. Daniel didn't want to ask him. It would hurt him, even though he wouldn't admit it. And Dan didn't want to hurt him. Nobody was allowed to hurt him anymore.
"What?"
"Everything."
"You're smart, good at guessing." he said as he took a pot from the stove. Of course he wouldn't tell him.
"Someone took control from you." Dan started and Phil seemed to hold his breath. "And now you need to have control over everything."
Phil turned around and looked at Dan. Almost like he deared him to slip, to say something stupid, but also hoping that Dan would just shut the fuck up.
"Who was it?"
"Does it matter?" Dan let it rest on that. Because it didn't matter, not really. It had happened and apparently it was a long time ago. And talking doesn't change anything about the past.
It was after lunch when Phil took control back.
Daniel had no problem with Phil always having to be in control. In fact, he loved it. He could let go. Right now Phil tied him to the bed and did what he wanted most. Maybe he even needed it.
Daniel loved it and Phil knew it. At moments like these, Daniel knew certain that he would never trust anyone else as much as Phil. That Phil was the only one who had so much power over Dan.
"Does that feel good?" Phil asked as he repeatedly pushed into the younger one. Daniel could only nod. "I love it when you're so desperate that you can't even talk. When your eyes fill with tears."
Daniel groaned, trying to hold onto something, but there was nothing but air.
"Four years is a long time. Of course I'm desperate." Daniel said until a moan made him stop. It felt so good and he was warm and it felt like he was flying.
"And I'll gladly make up for these four years." Phil grinned, gripping Dan's hips.
His thrusts got faster, harder.
Daniel came first. But he didn't stop and Daniel loved it. And Phil loved him.
The next evening Daniel laid on the couch with a glass of wine. It was already late, it was dark outside. Phil put on his jacket. Dan hear and sat up, frowning, while he put the wine glass on the table.
"Phil?" He didn't answer. Dan got up and went into the hall, where he saw Phil put on his shoes. "Where are you going?"
"I just have to get out for a minute, I'll come back later." Phil didn'tlook at Daniel.
"Where are you going?" Dan asked again concerned.
"I have to take care of something."
"Of what?"
"Do you trust me?" And at that moment Dan didn't. The first time Dan didn't really trust his words and eyes. He wanted to say no. Where should he go? Is he lying?
And then Dan understood.
"You're going to kill someone." It wasn't a question and the other man knew that.
"I'll come back." Phil promised while Dan looked at him in shock.
"Phil!" But he already left and Dan was left alone in the hall.
Heartbroken and scared once again.
Dan couldn't believe it, tried to repress it but he couldn't. Hours passed and Dan almost got insane.
He decided to go to bed, try to sleep, to not think about it. Any of it.
He laid on his stomach on the bed. His head was at the end of the bed and even though he tried to sleep, he was waiting for him.
Just after one o'clock the door opened and Dan heard him take off his jacket. Some part of Dan was just relieved that Phil came back. He didn't come to the bedroom. Instead, Dan heard him turn on the shower.
A short time later, he opened the door to the bedroom, where his eyes fell on Daniel first and he stopped for a second. Then he went to the wardrobe and dressed. The younger one just looked at him, looked again at the scars on his back until he covered them with one of Dan's shirts. Phil looked at him through the mirror.
"You're mad." he stated at some point and turned around.
"No." Dan shook my head.
"You knew who I am. The prison didn't change that."
"I'm not mad." Dan repeated.
"What is it then?"
"Nothing. Just come to bed, please." Dan was tired and didn't really want to talk about all the hurt in his heart.
"Daniel." It didn't sound like a threat, it sounded concerned. Like Phil was tired himself.
"It just really fucking hurt the last time you left, okay?" it bursted out of Dan. "And if they get you again... Phil, I can't-"
"Hey, stop it." He suddenly said softly and came up to Dan. He knelt down so they were at eye level.
"They won't get me." Phil assured him.
"How do you know that?" The black haired man said nothing. "It's almost as if we already had this conversation."
"We could go. You wanted to go to Paris. Lets go to Paris."
"And then you'll kill people in Paris. Then in Rome. Then in Tokyo."
"I won't stop, Dan." Dan swallowed hard. "It didn't interest you back then."
"I was able to ignore it. You killed people without me noticing. You went to university or had coffee and in between you killed some people. I know that. But I was able to repress it. And here you walk out the front door."
"Can you live with it?" He asked and Dan stopped. "With noticing it."
"I can't live without you."
Dan realized that he was sick and he think that was the moment when he couldn't repress this fact any longer. Maybe he could have done something about it, but to be honest, he didn't want to. Who was he without him?
"Come on, move your ass to bed. I'm tired." Dan said, sitting up only to lie down properly on his pillow.
But he couldn't sleep and he could tell from Phil's breathing that he didn't sleep either. They laid with their backs to each other, which was never the case. At some point Dan heard that the other man turned around, could very easily feel his breath on his bare skin, but he didn't move.
"Turn around." Phil said at some point, gentle but determined and so Dan did. Now they just looked at each other for a while. Phil rarely looked sad. He sometimes had that sadness in his face when he thought that Dan couldn't see him or he didn't interest him enough that Dan would notice. But now he was right in front of Daniel and he looked sad.
"Tell me about it." Phil said at some point. "How was it for you."
"Why? It doesn't change anything. You know it hurt, isn't that enough? "
"Perhaps. It hurt me too, you know?"
"I'm not even sure if anything hurts you." Dan said honest and bitter. It sounded meaner than he actually meant, but he was hurt.
"They arrested me and my first thought was: Shit, I'll never see that boy again. I didn't give a shit about my enducation. I didn't give a shit about anything, but you. I should have listened to you, we should have just left. And in the courtroom, God, you broke my fucking heart." He laughed sadly.
At that moment Dan knew that he could never live without him. That he would go anywhere with Phil. That he would let him do anything he wants, Dan just couldn't leave.
He was honest. So sincerely honest that it almost hurt Dan. He didn't want to say it, to make himself vulnerable, but he did.
Dan didn't say anything, he didn't know what, so he just grabbed Phil's hand between them. He stared at their hands as his brain tried to process and arrange everything. Phil was warm.
"I love you." Phil said at some point and Dan looked up. "But if you can't live with it, it brings nothing but pain and-"
"Don't you dare to leave me." Dan said warningly. Was he better than Phil?
"I wont leave you." Phil assured.
And so they decided to stick together forever.
Paris was beautiful.
It was beautiful when they arrived and took the train to see the city. It was beautiful when the first thing they did in the hotel room was to fuck. It was beautiful when Dan sat alone on the balcony in the evening and watched the Eiffel Tower sparkle.
Suddenly the light in the room turned on and Dan knew he was back. Whatever he was doing outside. They both knew what he had done.
No one would ever get them. They would be gone for a long time until they would search for them in this room.
As long as Phil stayed with him, Dan didn't care.
As always, Phil disappeared directly into the bathroom and would take a shower.
And Dan knew that what he was going to do was actually sick, but this fact didn't interested him for a while now. He was sick, he knew it. Dan knew his father was right, but he didn't give a shit. He wanted Phil. He loved him.
So he disappeared from the balcony, went back into their hotel room and actually heard that the shower was on. He saw that Phil had left the door a little open, since he probably assumed that Dan would stay on the balcony until he would join him.
He was wrong.
Dan entered the bathroom, whereupon Phil's and his eyes met directly. He said nothing, neither did Dan. His pile of clothes was spread out on the floor, but Dan didn't look at them too much.
Fuck it, Dan thought to himself and a short time later his clothes were on the floor and he climbed into the shower while Phil watched him silently.
Phil was hard, he was fucked up and somehow Dan thought he could still see that sparkle in his eyes.
This achievement that he just got away with it again. The control he had. The fact that Dan was still there.
"I assumed that you're always turned on after that." Dan said after he stood in front of him and his hair got wet. The shower was hot and Phil was still beautiful.
"Do you wank after it?" Dan asked and closed the gap between them. Their chest were touching. Dan thought he could feel his heartbeat and for one second he thought he had control over him.
"Yeah." Phil answered. His eyes went to Dan's lips.
"This time I could help you with that." Dan suggested. "If you want that."
"Fuck yes." he said and put his lips on Dan's, gentler than he expected. "You're so beautiful. My beautiful boy."
"Yours." Dan buried his hands in Phil's wet hair. His hands went to my Daniel's ass, squeezed it.
"I already streched for you. Got hard while thinking about this moment. Didn't finish myself off, wanted you to do it. I'm yours right?" Dan felt his dick twich. Phil looked him in the eyes, a little bit overwhelmed, cupped his face with both of his hands.
"I don't deserve you." he said, more to himself, than to Dan and Dan didn't know who deserved him if not Phil.
"Fuck me, please." Dan said while he felt himself getting hard again.
Phil gently turned Dan over, leaning him forward slightly. Dan supported himself on the cold tiles with his hands. Phil kissed his neck, his shoulder and suddenly Dan felt him enter him without further warning. Not as hungry as Dan expected, but gentle, calm. It hurt a bit, but Phil waited long enough to move.
And moments like that convinced Dan that he loved me. The moments Phil appreciated him.
After a while the thrust got faster, harder, they got louder, Phil's grip on Dan's hips got stronger and he knew there would be new bruises they could admire.
"Phil, ah- fuck! You're gonna make me come." Dan panted, while he wished he could hold onto something.
Phil kissed the skin behind Dan's ear, holding him up.
"Go on then, baby. You've been so good, you deserve it."
And Dan did. Phil fucked him through it, just like Dan loved it, until he pulled and came on Dan's back.
Dan just stood there for a while, trying to get down from his high.
At some point Dan felt Phil's hand in his hair and his kisses on his shoulder, until Dan turned around and Phil kissed his lips.
"I love you. I love you so much." he said like madness when he broke away from Dan, holding his face in both hands.
"I know." Dan smiled.
After Dan finished washing Phil's hair and blowing him because he became hard again, they found themselves in the huge bed of the hotel room.
They were facing each other, close together, their legs intertwined, like two pieces of a puzzle. Phil kept stroking Dan's still damp hair, Dan closing his eyes, enjoying every second of it.
"You're the best thing that ever happened to me." Phil said softly, as if he wanted to make sure that only Dan heard it. Only Dan was supposed to know and see this side of him.
"What's the worst?" Dan asked carefully. Phil stoped stroking his hair, put his hand between them.
"Probably killing my dad." Dan swallowed hard, didn't dare to ask any further, even though he wanted to. For some reason he was shocked, but not suprised. "He was an asshole, but I didn't want to do it. He was beating me up again, I reached for a pan and hit him. Hard, on his head. The blood was fucking everywhere. Didn't know what to do, called the ambulance. He was dead, I didn't know what I expected."
"Fuck. I'm sorry." Dan didn't know what else to say. Carefully he laid his hand over Phil's. He let him.
"Yeah. The court saw it as self-defense. I mean it was, I was the fucking evidence." Phil laughed hurt and for a second Dan thought he could cry. He never saw Phil cry, didn't even see it as a possibility.
"How old where you?"
"Ten." The older one answered. "I mean I understand him, somehow. His wife had died, he was left alone with a child that he hardly knew because he was only working, he started drinking. He didn't know how to raise a child."
"That's not a reason."
"I don't say it is. I said that I can understand it." Then they laid there, Dan held Phil's hand. That's how he found out where the scars came from.
"I started killing bad people. Then I started liking it and probably I should have stopped then, but I couldn't. I still can't. I killed people I thought I loved. Had a boyfriend that found out. He wanted to call the police. I killed him." Phil confessed and strangely, that didn't scare Dan away.
"I would never call the police." Dan promised.
"I know, but I wouldn't care if you do. I wouldn't hurt you. I couldn't. I think you're my the fucking limit. The only thing I would care about is that I would be away from you. I can't live without you. I don't want to."
Dan put his hand on Phil's cheek and he closed his eyes. With his pure honesty he scared Dan more than with what he actually said.
"I think I never loved anyone like I love you. I never felt that shit before." he laughed softly and indeed he had tears in his eyes. Phil fucking Lester, had tears in his eyes, because of Dan and it shocked Dan. He leaned forward and kissed Phil gently.
"I love you too." he smiled gently, almost calmed down. Phil trusted Dan.
And so they fell asleep and a two days later, they left Paris.
Rome was beautiful...