"War always reaches the depths of horror because of idiots who perpetuate terror from generation to generation under the pretext of vengeance." ― Guy Sajer
The Father
"Where is he? Where's my son?" I demanded in a panicked voice, marching along the corridor towards the doctors and nurses stood at the reception desk.
"Mr Hotchner, your son is fine," One of the doctors turned to me and began waving her hands slowly in a calming motion. "He's in shock, but medically, he's fine."
"Can we see him?" Beth asked worriedly, her face stained with tears.
"Soon," The doctor explained. "As I said, he's still in shock."
"And Spencer?" I asked, folding my arms across my chest, my frown beginning to hurt my face.
The doctor sighed and rubbed a hand against her jaw.
"Dr Reid sustained the most significant injuries. Jack was protected from the blast due to his positioning behind the car. Dr Reid, however, was facing the blast directly, and was propelled backwards into the car..."
"Is he okay?" Beth pressed eagerly.
"He should be fine," The doctor said reluctantly. "With some physiotherapy and time to rest, yes," She nodded. "Right now, it looks worse than it is. He sustained some back injuries due to the impact against the car, we won't know how damaging they are until he's able to walk."
"He's unable to walk?" I choked.
"At the moment, he's in far too much pain to attempt that. Once he's rested and over the shock, we'll get him on his feet and re-evaluate his medical stance then."
"When will we be able to see him?" Beth asked and the doctor turned to the station where the nurses were waiting.
They had a short conversation and the doctor turned to me.
"Mr Hotchner, you can see Jack now."
"And me?" Beth choked desperately.
"If you would like to follow me, ma'am, I'll take you to Dr Reid." One of the nurses turned from the station and smiled at Beth.
She looked up at me frantically and I smiled, gesturing for her to follow the nurse as he turned and led the way along the corridor. We shared a quick kiss and I hurriedly followed the doctor in pursuit of Jack.
"Dad!" He exclaimed as I entered the room.
"Oh, Jack!" I gasped, hurrying to his side to hug him. "I've been so worried. Are you okay?"
"I don't know what happened," He said frantically, shaking his head. I shushed him and observed his pale face. There were a few scratches on his cheek and arms, but nothing too damaging.
"I think someone bombed the house," He added in shock. "Shouldn't you be over there?" He added.
"Absolutely not," I blurted. "Not whilst you're in here."
"But dad, you have to get over there. The evidence, Melanie, the computer, you have to-"
"Jack," I shushed, holding his arms. "Jack listen to me," I said calmly and forcefully. "You have to remain calm, everything is okay."
"No, but dad, you need to get over there. Spencer was going to-" He cut himself off and looked behind me panicked. "Where's Spencer?" Realisation dawned on him and his eyes filled with tears. "Is he...?"
I shook my head.
"Spencer will be fine, Beth's with him just now. His injuries look worse than they are."
Jack breathed a sigh of relief and rested his head back to stare up at the ceiling.
"Melanie must've been into some wacky shit, dad."
"Jack!" I gasped at his language, but silence fell between us then.
"Whatever it was..." I sighed, running a hand across my forehead. "Spencer must've been onto something for them to get so spooked they bombed us."
I sat down at his bedside as we lapsed into a thoughtful silence, relief overwhelming me that Jack was okay.
A moment or two later, the doctor and nurse from earlier entered the room.
"How are you feeling, Jack?" The doctor asked with a comforting smile.
"I feel fine, physically," He admitted with a small smile. "I think it's just the shock right now."
"That's to be expected," She smiled empathically. "Your x-rays and scans have all come back clear, so you're free to go home if you feel fit enough." Jack nodded his head enthusiastically.
"Absolutely, thank you so much, doctor."
"The police are outside and are hoping to ask you some questions when you feel ready."
Jack and I looked at each other and I shrugged.
"Better to get it over and done with now, son." I sighed and Jack nodded.
The nurse hurried outside and gestured for the police to enter.
The Heart
I hurried after the nurse and we entered a brightly lit room, to find Spencer hooked up to some machines with a couple of nurses fussing around him. His eyes were closed, a bandage was around his head and his arms were bandaged from the wrists to the shoulders.
"It looks worse than it is," The nurse smiled as I gasped and covered my mouth, seeing nasty gashes on Spencer's cheeks. "He was very lucky he wasn't inside the building when it exploded, otherwise it would've been a very different story."
I nodded my head absentmindedly and approached Spencer's bedside, reaching for his bandaged hand with tears running down my cheeks.
His eyes fluttered open at my touch and I realised they were red and puffy.
"Hi." He croaked and I winced at the sound of his voice.
"Oh, Spencer... How are you feeling?"
"Like I've been hit with an exploding bomb," He croaked. "I can't get any pain relief..." He explained and I winced at the realisation. "So I feel as though my entire body is on fire..." I covered my mouth with shaking fingers, looking at the thick bandages covering his arms.
"What..." I cleared my throat. "What is the extent of the injuries?" I asked the nurse.
He looked at Spencer who inclined his head in a nod and the man cleared his throat too, licking his lips as if preparing to give a hefty speech.
"There are some burns to Dr Reid's arms and more significant burning on his shins. His back received the most impact when he was thrown into the car, but superficially, there are some nasty cuts and stitches on his arms and head."
"Burns?" I echoed.
"From the heat of the blast. If Dr Reid had been any closer to the house, the burns would've been far worse."
I shook my head in disbelief.
"And you can't give him any pain relief?"
"Dr Reid has refused pain medication." The nurse said simply.
"I don't want to take the chance, Beth," Spencer said weakly. I looked down at him with tearful eyes. "I'm just over a month clean," He smiled. "I don't want that to change." I nodded my head and patted his hand and the nurse left the room.
"What do you think happened?" I asked nervously.
"I've been onto something," He said without missing a beat. "I went to Quantico yesterday and tried to access Melanie's computer... I'd given Penelope her laptop and hard-drive to crack and obviously, that's ruffled some feathers."
"Spencer... the house... Melanie's things..." I gasped in realisation and pressed a sob back inside my mouth.
Spencer didn't say anything, but tears began rolling down his cheeks as he realised the house that he had shared with the love of his life, was destroyed forever.
The Father
Spencer had promptly discharged himself from hospital after speaking with the police, the BAU and the FBI. We'd refused to entertain the terrorism unit, and so the major crimes squad had sent a team to interview Spencer and Jack instead.
Once all of their questionings were over, Spencer signed the papers to be discharged, and the four of us went straight home.
"What happens now?" Beth asked as we all entered the house, feeling shaken and uncertain.
"We have to get out of here," I said matter-of-factly. "Even if it's for a short time. We have to pack a bag and leave for a few days, just to be on the safe side, until we can try to figure out why they targeted the house."
"But what about Tilly? And school? Where will we go? What about your mom, Spencer?" She asked frantically, spinning to see Spencer drag himself out of the wheelchair impatiently.
He was given the wheelchair mainly to support his back, but he'd kicked up such a stink about it that we were all red-faced upon eventually leaving the hospital.
"I don't know." He snapped irritably, reluctantly lowering himself back into the wheelchair.
"Beth..." I said calmly. "Please, let's just... book into a hotel or something. Just for a few days, just until we can sort something more long-term."
She could tell by my pleading tone and expression that there wasn't any time to argue.
"I'm going to pack some things. You should probably go and collect Matilda." She told me gruffly and continued to march upstairs.
Spencer, Jack and I shared wary looks.
"I'll pack some things for you, Spencer." Jack said thoughtfully, before following Beth upstairs.
"I have to go to the grave, Aaron." Spencer said once we were alone.
"What?" I questioned in confusion. "The grave?"
"Yes," He nodded, avoiding my eyes. "Before we go to the hotel... I feel closer to her there... The house... I don't know what kind of state that's going to be in."
I nodded my head.
"Would you like me to take you?" I offered.
"No," He said, shaking his head. "It's better if Jack does it... If you could collect Tilly and get to a hotel, I'd really appreciate that."
I frowned in confusion, but didn't question it any further.
"Jack's already on your insurance policy," I shrugged. "I'm sure he'll be okay using your car to take you wherever you need to go."
"Thanks, Aaron... And, for now..." He sighed. "It's probably best that we don't tell Matilda the real reason to us not coming home."
I nodded my head in response.
"She'll think it's a wonderful adventure, I'm sure." I shook my head in awe with a smile before leaving with my keys.
The Spy
I watched from the yard across the street as the fire department hosed down the blaze and the police cordoned off the street. Every house was evacuated and there was a perimeter secured by the police and FBI.
Before anybody else could get inside, I had to make sure I got there first, before anybody could touch or move anything.
I kept a close eye on the fire department, who were strict in allowing people near the house.
I knew Derek would be here soon with the CSU, and I didn't want anybody walking over that ground until I'd done so myself.
I managed to sneak around the block and into one of the back yard's which was back-to-back with Spencer's yard. I scaled the fence and dropped down into the back-yard, hoping that nobody would spot me as I crept towards the back entrance.
I had no idea what or who I'd find inside, but I knew I had to be quick, and I knew I had to avoid being seen under any and all circumstances.
*
I anxiously waited behind the tree, my eyes trained on the headstone. As always, my heart thudded in my chest and my senses were on high alert.
On the one hand, I'd sorely missed the pressure of undercover work. But, on the other hand, I hated the paranoia of never being able to trust anybody or anything.
When he arrived, my heart lurched and tears stung my eyes. His arms were bandaged, as was his head, and his face was covered in cuts. He was in a wheelchair, pushed by Jack, and they were driving Spencer's car.
Jack pushed the wheelchair from the car to the graveside and stood with his knuckles white on the handles.
I gulped, realising that there was no way he was going to leave Spencer.
I approached slowly, and cautiously, and cleared my throat as I stood by JJ's graveside three along from Melanie's.
"I'm so sorry." I whispered, tears in my eyes. "How are you both?"
"You knew, didn't you?" Spencer whispered in response.
"I had an inclination... A whisper."
"A whisper that ended to be true."
"I'm sorry, I had no idea it was going to be as devastating as it was."
"We could've died, Emily."
A silence hung over us for a moment.
"You got my message?" I asked and out of the corner of my eye, I could see Jack nodding.
I crouched down to my knees and placed flowers on JJ's graveside, pressing a kiss to my fingers and my fingers to the headstone.
"You were at the school, weren't you?" Jack asked.
"I'm everywhere, always." I replied.
"Then why are you undercover?" Spencer asked.
"Because I need them to trust me. Something has changed in the last few days. I'm low level, very low level, but I hear people talk. And there was whisper of a betrayal. I wasn't sure how high up, but there was a lot of anger and talk of retaliation,"
I shook my head to clear it.
"I'm paranoid, and I'm glad that I am. I knew that you always stick to your routine, and I know that the NYTC use timed bombs and that the house would be the perfect target, so I tried to warn you to stagger your routine. You did, and you're still alive."
"But I don't get it," Jack said. "If they know our routine so well, why not make it in the afternoon, when they know for sure that we'd be in the building?"
"I'm not sure..." I admitted. "That part doesn't make sense," I agreed. "You know what you need to do now, don't you?"
There was a brief pause before,
"We have to move, don't we?" Spencer sighed quietly.
"You have to," I agreed. "You need to get Tilly and your mom and leave."
"We can't just move, Emily!" Spencer hissed. "I'm not running away, not from them, not now, not ever."
"Then they will continue to take away everything and everybody you love until you have nothing left," I snapped angrily.
"Really Spencer, I don't understand what you're not getting about this."
"But why?" Jack groaned. "Melanie's dead. Why are they still haunting us?"
"Maybe..." I sighed, disbelieving what I was about to say before I'd even said it. "Maybe she isn't dead after all."
The Protector
After visiting the grave, we pulled up at the corner of our block, my eyes filled with tears at the sight of our beautiful home still smoking and on fire at the end of the road.
Jack got my wheelchair out of the trunk and I reluctantly got out of the car and slid into it, my back aching at the slightest of movements.
We were both silent as he wheeled me for the cordoned police tape at the end of our block, Derek's eyes almost falling out of their sockets when he seen us.
"Man, what the Hell are you doing here?" He hissed as he approached the tape looking dapper in a full black suit and shirt.
"I had to come to see it." I explained, ignoring the whispers from the onlookers around the tape.
"Why aren't you at the hospital?" He demanded.
"I discharged myself. I'm a sitting duck in there."
"Oh, and you ain't whilst you're here?"
I threw him a displeased expression.
"We brought the CCTV USB." Jack explained, and pulled the USB drive from his back pocket, handing it over to Derek.
"You give that to Penelope and you don't tell anybody else about it." I warned Derek.
"Man-"
"Don't," I warned, interrupting him. "I don't trust the police, the CSU or the TU. Is Dylan in there?" I suddenly remembered that Dylan was a member of forensics now, having bumped into her on the sixth floor of the old BAU upon mine and Aaron's initial return.
"Spencer-"
"Again Derek, I'm going to ask you to not," I said in a frantic tone, unsure of how much more I could take. "For whatever reason, we were targeted. I don't trust Dylan, I don't trust the TU or the CSU. Hell, I don't even trust the BAU anymore!" Derek frowned at me, clearly hurt.
"I trust you, and Penelope, and nobody else. Understand?"
"No, Spencer, I don't understand. I think you need to talk to somebody, man. You're paranoid."
"Paranoid?" Jack laughed and Derek looked at him in surprise. "His house was just fucking bombed and you're accusing him of being paranoid?"
Derek broke eye contact and looked away, embarrassed.
"Jack..." I said in a warning tone, hearing Melanie's voice hiss at her younger brother for cursing.
"I'm so sick of how you guys are handling things, it's embarrassing," Jack laughed without humour and Derek looked up at him.
"You're doing the job she done, but you're nowhere near as stressed or involved as she always was. She was clearly onto something huge, that nobody wants to admit to, and the second we get onto something, the house is bombed and we're nearly killed.
"But, we're 'paranoid' and clearly we need a shrink. So, fine, hand that CCTV over to any Tom, Dick or Harry you want. But when someplace else gets blown to shreds, don't ask for Spencer's help. Because he probably won't be alive to give it to you."
Both Derek and I were stunned into silence at Jack's words.
He rammed off the brake and pulled my wheelchair backwards.
"Spencer," Derek said, halting Jack. "You'd better take this," He said quietly, extending the USB drive towards me.
I frowned in confusion.
"If you're right about this," He said. "Then I don't want that anywhere near the Bureau," I hurriedly accepted the USB again and shoved it into my pocket, just as the rest of the team realised we were here.
"You'd better get the Hell out of here." He added.
"Stay safe." I said as Jack hurriedly turned my wheelchair around.
"You too."
*
I was nervous for what Tilly was going to say when she seen the state of me. I didn't want to have to explain to her what had happened, and I didn't even have a clue as to where to begin.
Beth and Aaron had checked us into a hotel, and Jack was adamant that he was staying with a friend. We had no idea if it was the right thing to do; leaving the house and moving to a hotel. But, we had to rely on the hope that the NYTC wouldn't risk bombing a public building.
Not that they hadn't done that before.
Beth and Aaron had explained to Tilly that Jack and I had been in an accident, and that we were going on an adventure for a little while whilst we got better.
When she'd first seen me, she cried, and was scared to touch me for the biggest part of an hour. But, with encouragement and lots of jokes, I managed to convince her to climb onto my lap, and she threw her arms around me tightly as soon as she realised I wasn't about to crumble when she touched me.
It was a delight, having her so close to me and knowing that she was safe.
The entire time I was in hospital being poked and proded and wrapped, I kept thinking of Matilda, my precious little daughter, and what she'd have done if I'd have been inside of the house when it had exploded.
It didn't bear thinking about. I couldn't let myself think of the 'what ifs'.
Just like before, with Melanie, there were so many 'what ifs' running through my mind.
What if she hadn't gone to the bathroom that day?
What if we'd been sat on the other side of the desk when Stewart detonated the bomb?
What if I'd have been out in the hallway waiting for her leaving the bathroom?
What if... what if... what if...
It was worse than torture, worse than pouring salt in the wound, worse than the biggest betrayal of your life.
I couldn't go down that road again, I couldn't.
We had some food before Jack left for his friend's house, and eventually, Tilly fell asleep on my lap, watching cartoons on the small TV in our hotel room.
"If you need anything, just shout, okay? We're only through that door." Beth whispered as she and Aaron retreated to their joining door.
"Thank you." I whispered in response, smiling emotionally as they disappeared from sight.
We had a conjoining suite, their room was on one side, and mine and Tilly's was on the other. Jack's friend's house was a ten-minute drive away, and my mom's sanitarium was literally around the corner.
I lay awake, staring at the ceiling, wondering if Melanie really was dead and if she could see us now.
What would she say?
What would she think?
If she were here, what would she be doing?
"I miss you so much." I whispered, twirling the wedding ring still on my finger.
I closed my eyes and allowed the tears to trickle down my cheeks and onto the pillow beneath my head, missing my soul mate more than I ever imagined I ever could.
The Father
I couldn't sleep, lying wide awake staring at the ceiling.
Beth's gentle breathing beside me told me that she was sound asleep, as I climbed out of bed and pulled on a zipper, figuring that a stiff drink ought to do the trick.
I crossed to the dresser and poured myself a miniature whiskey, walked to the window and stared out at the city around us.
Somewhere out there, was Jack. And someplace else out there, was Melanie.
I could feel it.
After all of this time, I finally believed him. Spencer had been right. Of course he had been.
I cursed myself that I didn't believe him before.
I crossed to the door and gently opened it, almost jumping out of my skin as I found Spencer stood there, holding his back with his bottom lip between his teeth.
"Spencer!" I hissed under my breath.
"Sorry," He whispered, his chest rising and falling in shock. "I'm glad you're awake. Can we talk?" He whispered and I nodded my head, offering him my arm.
We hobbled through the room to the door and pushed out into the corridor, leaving the joining door open in case Tilly woke up.
"Are you sure you're okay to walk?" I asked Spencer once we'd gotten into the hallway.
"Yes," He hissed, clearly in pain. "The pain makes everything clearer." He said, pressing his palm against the wall of the corridor as we walked.
"Spencer, it's one in the morning, where do you think we can go?"
"Outside?" He offered, then looked down at our feet, clothed in socks.
"Reception." I shrugged, and we headed for the elevator.
We remained silent, both of us in our pyjamas and zippers, wearing nothing but socks.
His head bandage had been removed, and his pyjama sleeves covered the rest of his bandages, but his face was still badly scratched and stitched.
The concierge looked up as we left the elevator, and the pair of us nodded at each other as Spencer and I hobbled to the cushioned circular sofa in the centre of the lobby.
We sat down with a groan and Spencer winced, throwing a hand to his back.
"You couldn't sleep either then?" He said through gritted teeth, his eyes squeezed closed with the pain.
"No," I sighed, rubbing at my forehead. "Everything's going around in my head," I admitted. "I can't think straight and I can't clear my mind," I explained. "You?" I offered and he nodded.
"Much the same."
"In your investigations..." I began after a short pause. He turned to look at me inquisitively, his hand coming away from his back slowly.
"Had you found anything about what Melanie could've been working on?"
He sighed sadly and shook his head.
"I hit a brick wall with the papers in the house," He explained. "Everything was legal documents or contracts, nothing about her past or the Bureau. Her computers are password protected and I couldn't gain access. Penelope still has them."
"Could there have been any evidence in the house to prove what she was working on, that could've been destroyed in the explosion?"
"No," He said apprehensively. "I mean, I don't think so," He sighed.
"The truth is, Aaron, we have no idea even if Melanie was working on something. There's no evidence, there was nothing in her office at the Bureau, and if there was something she kept at home, then I certainly wasn't any the wiser, and she didn't keep it in her study..."
We lapsed into thoughtful silence.
"Why do you ask?" He inquired after a while.
"Well," I heaved a sigh. "I think you're right," I admitted. "I think she's still alive."
The Fighter
My skin felt as though it was moving, turning inside out, burning hot but freezing cold.
I lay curled on the concrete floor, the sounds of their voices retreated down the hallway outside the door.
The sounds of the lashings of the belt were still echoing in my ears, the blood still rolling off my back as my daughter's face flashed before my eyes.
Momma... Mommy... Mom...
Her voice echoed in my ears and my chest racked with sobs as the noise of the kettle screamed from the end of the hallway.
I'd never felt such agony, such pain, such torment.
They'd done some unspeakable things, and of course, they'd poured salt into my wounds before now. But this, this was something else entirely.
The salt in my back crunched with each movement of my shoulder blades, with each shaky breath I inhaled, with each sob I tried to suppress.
I felt myself drifting in and out of consciousness, the agony excruciating and severe. I felt it in every inch of my body, right to the very core of my skeleton.
She might've been whipping my back, but the belt cut deeper than my skin, straight into my very soul and then beyond.
I could hear Hart sobbing and screaming hysterically from the cell next door, her voice a faint reminder that this was really happening, that I really was experiencing this vile barbaric nightmare.
Was I in Hell?
I believed so.
I believed that I really had died when Hart had shot that blank at me, that I really had died that day in front of the people I loved, and that all of this was just some horrifying payback for the lives I'd taken and the lies I'd told.
I was sorry.
I was so sincerely sorry.
I vowed to never tell another lie, to remain honest and pure and sincere for the rest of my existence.
Whether in Hell or whatever this barbaric experience was.
I wasn't sure how much time had passed, but Hart had stopped shouting and crying and I was still drifting in and out of consciousness when I heard hurried footsteps echoing along the corridor.
Keys jangled, and a moment later, my cell door cracked open.
I was barely able to open my eyes from the foetus position I was curled in on the concrete floor.
I didn't care anymore, I was lost to the agony I was experiencing.
They could kick me with their designer stilettos and pour salt into the holes. I was done, finished, and there wasn't anything they could do that could hurt me any further.
"Melanie, get up," Caitlyn hissed in my ear and my eyes peeled open to find her crouched down in front of me.
"Be quiet and get up," She hissed, grabbing my arm and pulling me into a sitting position.
I winced under her fierce touch as my skin rubbed against the rough material of the sack dress.
"Put this on," She instructed in a whisper, and draped a black coat over my shoulders. "Ssh." She whispered gently as I winced under the touch of the fabric against my skin.
I cringed as I felt it rub and burn my back.
"What's going on?" I whispered worriedly, looking into the doorway to see nothing but darkness.
"Come on, let's go." She said, getting to her feet and pulling me up beside her, my chains jangling.
I winced and fell into her side, the pain in my body unbearable for a moment.
She unbuckled my chains and they clattered to the floor, echoing throughout the cell and into the hallway.
"What's going on?" Hart yelled from the cell next to us. "Hello?" She began banging on her cell door and I looked at Caitlyn worriedly.
"If you're really breaking me out, she's going to tell her everything." I said, wondering whether to really believe that Caitlyn had bluffed the bad side after leathering me with a belt earlier in the day.
Caitlyn ignored me and helped me hobble out of the cell, the pair of us being as quiet as possible as Hart continued to yell and rattle the cell door.
Caitlyn closed and locked my cell door behind us and hurriedly led me along the darkened hallway.
My eyes were used to the dark now, I was surprised at how much I could see.
I was also surprised at how much my body became accustomed to the pain, the continual burning and rubbing and gritting.
At the end of the hallway, we went through a set of double doors which led to a T junction of wooden corridors, far nicer and warmer than the previous concrete hallway.
We took the corridor on our right, which was short and led to another set of double doors.
Through these, we were out into a reception area, and it was then that I confirmed we were in an old police station.
"We're just going to go right out of the front door?" I hissed as she dragged me for the glass doors.
"Ssh." She hissed, unlocking the doors and pressing her ear to the metal shutter that was pulled down on the other side.
She dropped to her knees and unlocked the padlock, cranking it up an inch to see under.
She then yanked the shutter up and got to her feet, pulling me under.
She closed and locked the double doors, closed the shutter down and locked it with the padlock.
"Quick, c'mon, move." She urged, jogging towards a black SUV a few feet away.
Shock rippled through me as I realised it was a British car. The driver's seat was the passenger seat, and the passenger's seat was the driver's.
"What the fuck?" I climbed up and into the car, wincing and groaning as I pulled the door closed and she started the engine.
A moment later, another SUV screamed into the car park.
"Fuck." She swore and revved the engine, her headlights illuminating the driver of the SUV.
Kate.
"You really are breaking me out, aren't you?" I said in shock, gripping the dashboard in front of me.
"After all this time," She said in a thick voice, tears pearling in her eyes. "It's the least I could fucking do."