Talk tonight (Noel Gallagher)

13

"Hey!"

"Got owt to eat?"

"Yeah, yeah" she said as I came in.

I went to the fridge and stared at it "I'm starving"

"How's things?"

"Alright"

"I've seen you a lot with Liam"

"Yeah, we've been hanging out often" I said still lazily looking for food.

I wanted to tell her about... the current situation, not much has been going on in my life since we graduated, this is the busiest time since then, so I'm, beneath all the confusion and probably bad choices, moderately excited.

Also, it's basically all of what's going on in my life, so I don't have a lot to fill her in on besides this.

I grabbed some chips and sat down on the couch with her, she had the tv on but lowered the volume so we could chat.

After she told me some story about a lad she met last weekend and how they almost had to run for their lives at 4 am and how was her week at work I decided to tell her, properly, from the start. I love to tell stories anyways.

"Shit, what are you gonna do?"

"I dunno"

"But you wanna keep it going?"

"Yeah... I mean, I guess, I don't wanna hurt Liam"

"Well, If you're worrying 'bout that I think you already did"

"What?"

"If he has feelings for you then you already fucked everything up"

I scoffed "Thank you, you put it really nicely"

"I'm sorry, that's just how it is"

I sighed.

"Why're y'doing this?"

"I want somebody" I paused "I miss Noel"

"Are you fucking with me?"

"What?" I said with genuine confusion at her tone.

She shook her head and chuckled lightly "You really fucked up"

***

I went back on the bus and tried not to think for a while.  When I got home I caught my mum watching a movie in the living room, so I sat down with her and we fell asleep. I hadn't been spending much time with her, not that I ever did, but I rarely saw her anymore, so it was quite nice to have that moment.

Around 2 am I stood up and trying not to open my eyes, went straight to bed. That's when I remembered to take the pill, I'd left it in my nightstand, so I swallowed it and continued sleeping.

***

Saturday

I went around Liam's in the afternoon, just before dark. I still didn't know what to do and I still hadn't thought about it.

I knocked impatiently.

"Hey!" He said smiling at me.

"Hi" I smiled and bit my lip a little.

"Well, come on inside" he said turning around and walking towards the stairs.

When we got to his room we sat down on his bed, and we didn't talk for some awkward seconds. I took my jacket off to fill in the blanks.

He looked at his feet "So, how was your day?"

"Good, good" I glanced at him "Yours?"

"Alright, went out with the lads, got pissed"

I half chuckled and then stared at him.

"So" he said as he turned to face me.

I leaned in and kissed him, he kissed me back, but when I tried to get on top of him he stopped me.

"El" he said before I pressed our lips hard again and said "What?" In between.

He pulled away and his hands that were keeping me close by the waist now pushed me away.

"El, what's this 'bout?"

"What y'mean?" I said innocently.

"This. What's this?"

"You know... I just, just-" and I tried to kiss him again, but he moved his head.

"Do you want this?"

"What are y'talking 'bout? Course I do"

"You're acting weird, we used to talk"

"What you're on bout? We talk! It's just that now I wanna do this" I said looking at his lips and licking mine.

"Well I don't understand" he said pushing me away entirely.

"Well, I'll just go then" I said picking up my jacket and standing up.

He caught my hand as I walked fast to the door "Ellie no, stay"

I felt I knot in my throat, and just stood there facing the door "Why?"

"Coz I want to talk, everything was going great"

I turned around and kneeled in front of him, while he still held my hand "And it still can"

"Then talk to me" he looked upset.

I looked down because I couldn't look at him, I wanted to ask if he had feelings for me, just to know what to do, but I couldn't lead him on like that.

"I can't"

He let go of my hand and I stood up, picked up the jacket that was now on the floor and walked out the door.

***

I'm sorry(?)

I had a lot of trouble thinking of this one, my error was watching at least 4 reviews of "After" and how bad it was. I know it was bad, but in every video, there was a constant reminder that it was a fanfic and that that's why it was so bad and made no sense and was stupid and ridiculous. And I felt so dumb trying to write this because I couldn't look at it the same way, it felt so unrealistic and stupid and it took me like two weeks (I think) to mark the differences between a Harry Styles fanfic that literally made no sense and my oasis fanfic set in the 90s. I know it's still a fanfic, and it's silly and probably pathetic, but that doesn't mean it should be a bad story, I'm trying to make something enjoyable, like some really good fanfics I've read, with characters that stand as their own. Maybe it's ridiculous but I treat it like a valid story, a book, something I want to look plausible.

Idk, should fanfics be accepted or is it just creepy to write a story around a real person that exists in real life?

If you read my mini existential crisis, thanks :(: