i n n o c e n t

t w o

     My mother leads him toward the kitchen, unknowing of my borderline sinful thoughts. I think he knows, though. He has to. No one that good looking doesn't know that they're that good looking. And they're usually annoying about it.                                                                                                           

     We sit at the table, where the food is still miraculously hot despite the eternity that I spent looking at this man. My face heats up from the embarrassing thought, I swallow it down and reach for the eggs. I notice my hand is shaking slightly, but I don't know why. I never get this nervous. Just as I begin to scoop a bit of eggs out of the bowl, I hear a lullaby of a voice say my name.                                                                                                                                                                                               

     "So, Ella, what do you do? Work? School? Tell me about yourself." It's such a simple question, but I choke on my mouth full of food. Tell him about myself? I don't even know myself.                           

     "Um. Well, I go to South East Brown University, and I'm fortunate enough to have gotten enough scholarships to cover my tuition, so since I stay at home I don't really need a job." I say, my voice a little wobbly, but not too noticeable. I hope.                                                                                             

     "South East Brown? I teach there! What's your major?" His smile is so brilliant, it lights up the room. I almost forget that it's (somewhat) directed toward me.                                                                      "Oh, um, nothing that interesting, really. Just Finance. I want to work in a bank." I expect him to frown at my response because it is so boring. I mean, who wants to work in a bank? But his smile just impossibly widens.                                                                                                                                                     

     "You've got to be kidding me," he says with a laugh, "I'm the finance professor, and it's very nice to meet you Miss Turner." He holds his hand out in a playful way, and I take it and give a firm shake and then let go, desperate to get away. I don't like the way that I feel around him. He seems a little taken aback by how quickly I withdrew, but instead of letting him question me further I excused myself to go to my room and get ready for school. I tried to keep him out of my mind as I undressed, pulling my clothes off and standing in front of my closet, nevertheless wondering what he would want to see me in. I couldn't get his perfectly tailored suit out of my mind. How I would want to open his jacket and slowly undo the buttons. Slip my hands under his shirt and run them over his chest, down his torso and to the band of his pants.                                        

     I shake my head, knocking some sense into myself. He's my mother's boyfriend, and (I guess) my professor! I can't have these kinds of thoughts toward him. I pull out a generic outfit, jeans and a sweater. I like long sleeves because they make me feel like I'm safe. Protected. I wear my hair in a bun, a few strands falling from it and only wear mascara and lip gloss on my face. Out of curiosity I pull out my school schedule and see that my Into. to Finance teacher is named Harry Styles. I walk back down the creaky steps, ignoring the sound as to not agitate myself further. When I get to the bottom, he is gone, and I ask my mom a simple question.                                    "What was his name, anyway?" she's startled by my sudden appearance and then laughs at the fact that she forgot to tell me her own boyfriend's name.                                                                                  

     "His name is Harry, darling. Harry Styles. Why?" she asks in return, and I feel my stomach twist. I mutter a "no reason" and then step outside of the door. What am I going to do?

     ~

     When I get to school, I try my best to remember the way to the math building. I only have two classes today, Finance and Comp. One. I somehow got to school with fifteen minutes to spare, so that gives me plenty of time to try and pull the memory of orientation out of my brain. I look around, I've been here so many times, but for some reason it just isn't clicking. I find a map in the middle of campus, staring at it for a long time before I remember that I have a schedule in my backpack. As I'm flipping through the pages in my binder, I feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I whip around to see him standing there. Harry, Mr. Styles. He's trying not to laugh, and I'm on the verge of tears because I'm afraid to be late.

     "You're looking for the Washington building, room 210. I can take you there since, you know, it is my classroom." He raises his eyebrows, and the humor that he finds in all of this makes me sick. He knows what he does to me. Still, I simply nod. I know I wouldn't be able to find the building without him. I follow behind him, watching his broad shoulders through his suit. Despite my best efforts, flashes of my dirty thoughts from this morning cross my mind and my cheeks heat up. He peers over his shoulder in that exact moment and smiles at me, his pearly white teeth on display. He leads me through the front doors of the brick building and up the stairs to his class. Almost all of the seats were filled, except one directly in the front. He gestured for me to sit there and I did, desperately trying to not make eye contact.

     As I sat through his lecture, I avoided his glance and stared at my paper. It's easier to take notes when I don't look at him. By the time he was finished, I had about two pages of notes, and it was only halfway through the allotted time. My hand kind of hurt from holding the pencil, and I was praying that he was finished with the note taking portion. To my surprise, he simply said that class was over, but asked me to stay behind for a second.

     When I asked what he needed, he offered to walk me around campus and help me to get to know my schedule. He seems really nice, but there just feels like there is something off about him. Nevertheless, I accepted. ONLY because I needed help knowing my way around campus. That's the only reason, right?