Find Me I'm Yours

Chapter 3

Since I slept at Jason's most nights, I had spent more time in the last five and a half weeks at my apartment than I had in the entire two years since I moved in. That was utterly S.C.A.R.I.

Back to the task at hand. I scoured the ads on Craigslist, looking for video cameras in L.A. under fifty bucks.

OK, how could there be three different cameras (JVC Digi Camcorder, Sony Handy Cam, and an RCA Camcorder) for sale, and on each ad it said that the seller 'lost the charger at Disneyland'? It's either a theme park epidemic, or a total scam, and my money (if I had any) would be on the latter.

And what's with the misspellings, peeps?! One "missed placed" the lens cap, and another "mipsplaced" the charger. I found the lack of proper spelling more concerning than the mipssing items.

AND just like the lack of production values on the "creative" dating site videos, don't people get that maybe their item would sell faster, or for more money, if they took a picture of it, say, on a solid background rather than next to their cat's litter box? Or on their dead grandmother's paisley bedspread?

The smart thing to do would be to research the difference between all the cameras offered in my low-income category. But I've never been one to do the smart thing. I just looked for ads that caught my eye.

And one definitely did.

YOU WANT MY CAMERA? CAREFUL, DESTINY INCLUDED

I clicked through and didn't even care what the ad said, or if there were any mipspellings! I was sold by the pic alone.

(destiny ad pic)

COME ON!!! Who does that? And what about the viewfinder? That was exactly the entire reason I was getting the camera to begin with! To make art AND find my match! So, HELLO hella destiny!!!!!!

The rest of the ad was short, and charming:

"I know a MiniDV is kinda old school-that's the point. This camera is guaranteed to make you look at the world through a special lens. Intrigued? You should be. And it's only $43.00 but for you-I'll give a 53 cent discount making it $42.47. What have you got to lose?"

OK, I had to meet whoever placed this ad. Man or woman, straight or gay, young or old, I was sold.

I dropped an email that said that the ad was killer, and I wanted to buy the camera. Seconds later, I thought about writing back and saying OOPS, NEVER MIND! Really, how can I justify spending $42.47 for another project I'll probably start and never finish? I can't have my "destiny" to be flat-busted broke until I get paid in eight days. I made a list of everything else my cash might be better spent on:

Everything Else My Cash Might Be Better Spent On
By Mags Marclay

1). Paint, card stock, leafing pens, adhesives, foil tape, ephemera from flea markets, etc.-supplies for my collages so I could actually make some art!

2). SAVING (what a concept!) so I could move out someday in the next century!

3). A plane ticket to go home to NY to see Cooper, my seventeen-year-old tech-wiz pothead brother.

4). Contribute to an animal shelter, a homeless shelter, help feed the poor, clothe the needy, end discrimination, build schools, or even get a child's cleft palate fixed through Smile Train.

But I'm seeing this as an investment in my future, where my financially stable husband will say, "No need to work at a dead-end job, Mags. Stay at home in our beautiful two-story Craftsman house and focus on making your art," and then I'll churn out tons o' work that I'll sell at top galleries worldwide, and I'll have so much more than just $42.47 to give-for multiple cleft palate surgeries!

Before I changed my mind, I closed out Craigslist and FaceTimed Cooper. He surprisingly answered (usually he ignores my semistalking).

"Yo, Bro. What up?"

"Nothin' much."

It's like pulling teeth getting Cooper to talk. He was lying on his twin bed in his dark bedroom. "How's school?"

He shrugged. "Sucks."

"What else is going on?"

"Nothin'." But then he did something out of the norm. He sat up. And even turned on the light. Then he looked straight into the camera at me. "Do you have $500.00 I can borrow?"

"Are you fucking kidding me? What do you need $500.00 for?"

"Never mind, it's nothing."

"There's no nothing that costs $500.00. Are you in some kind of trouble?"

"No, just forget I said anything."

Before I could go any further, I heard my mom's voice. "Is that Mags?" She opened Cooper's door.

"Mom, stay out of my frickin' room!!!!!" he yelled.

My mom's big, giant face appeared on my screen-she's always way too close. "How are you doing, honey?"

"Excellent," I say whenever she asks, just so she won't launch into what she always does. And this time was no different.

"But aren't you struggling in L.A.?"

"NO." (YES.)

"Come back home. You don't have to pay rent. You can focus on your art."

Tempting, but she always leaves out the part about being Cooper's full-time wrangler, her grocery shopper, errand runner, cook, maid, and basically a personal assistant to my own damn mother. Everything is ALWAYS about her. In fact so much so that since her name is Marcie, years ago Liza started calling her NARCIE and she's been living up to the name ever since.

"Mom, I've got to go. I have a date."

"Tell Jason hi."

"Seriously? I broke up with Jason almost six weeks ago. I told you that."

"Oh, I'm sorry honey. I have a lot on my mind."

"Well, say hi to Dad-oh wait, you guys broke up seventeen years ago. Sorry, I forgot."

"You don't have to be nasty."

"Mom, I gotta go." Then yelled out, "'Bye Coop, I'm calling your ass tomorrow, and you better answer!"

The main problem with FaceTiming or Skyping or even a cell call for that matter, is that you can't effectively hang up on someone. Like in old movies when a person's mad, or simply disappointed and eager to get off the phone, they slam down the receiver.

So I just said, "Good-bye, Mother," thinking she'd pick up on the nuance between MOM and MOTHER, and tapped on END.

I finished dinner, a bag of Funyuns, and wondered what kind of trouble my baby brother could possibly be in.

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