The Spectator

Chapter 31: Secondary

     God damn it, all that time he'd spent practicing this speech and he was still fumbling for words. Ella was a neon shade of pink, but he couldn't tell if that was good or bad.

     "I... appreciate the apology," She said slowly.

     "Oh, the apology isn't even halfway over," He assured her. She couldn't help but smile a little, an expression he mirrored with sudden hope that she maybe didn't actually hate him. He cleared his throat, pulling himself together. He had shit to say. "Because I am so sincerely sorry for not having faith in you and for putting you through so much while you were working at the Spectator... You didn't deserve all the confusion and the drama. I wish sometimes that we could have met somewhere normal, you know? Like a bar or at a club... Things would have been different. I would have asked you out on an actual first date, convinced you to be with me the right way... You deserve that and I hate that I couldn't give it to you."

     Her eyes were huge. He was so nervous he couldn't read them but he plowed on ahead anyway.

     "But life wasn't that simple. I swear I thought that I was doing the right thing for you, telling you we could just be friends again. I can see now that was stupid of me, I just... I always felt like I had no self-control around you. I thought I was finally not being selfish with you."

     Her expression loosened further. He continued, leaning closer now.

     "But, what if all of this wasn't just a lack of self-control, El?" He asked softly. "What if we couldn't stay away from each other for a reason?"

     She stared at him. All the anger was gone— replaced by wide-eyed shock.

     "And what would that reason be?" She whispered.

     "That I'm in love with you," He said softly. "And you're in love with me."

     He... loves me? I love him? She tested it out in her head and something clicked in place. She was almost shocked by it— uncharacteristically, she couldn't think of anything to say.

     "Or at least I think you are," Nate continued awkwardly, spurred by her blank stare and continuing silence. "...You could at least tell me if I'm right or if I'm way off base and I should leave—."

     Ella reached forward and kissed him. She pulled back.

     "You love me?" She asked like she was worried this was all a misunderstanding. "Do you mean it? Are you sure you're not just infatuated with me or, I don't know, extra horny today or something—?"

     He kissed her.

     "Sex is secondary, El. Remember?" He murmured against her lips. "I love you. I really love you."

     "I love you too," She gasped, throwing herself into the kiss. Fuck she'd missed the way he tasted. The way he smelled. The way he was just there and she knew that they could probably sit here for hours talking, just the two of them...

     "Oye me! Yesi, mira! She's kissing him!" Her father could be heard exclaiming from behind the glass door. Ella quickly let go of Nate and turned around.

     "Papi! Really?" She yelled. Her mother and sister quickly dragged him from the window. She turned back to Nate, who was laughing, with a shake of her head. "These people, I swear to god... where were we?"

     "I think we were doing something like this..." He leaned in and kissed her, smoothing her hair back gently.

     "Right," She giggled. She pulled back and looked at him, sweeping her delicate fingers over his cheek. "Nate I... I'm sorry about when I said we were never friends."