Finding you Finding Love Voodoo makaya part 2

Telling Mom

10 years back.

today I find enough courage to finally talk to my mom and let her know what happened and why I came back home and tell her about the secret that I can no longer keep a secret.

"Manman nou ka fe on ti pale" I ask her (mom can we talk)

"We pitit mwen chita non" (yes, my child have a seat) she answers.

I look at my phone nervously like I was waiting on a very important phone call.

"pale ave'm non" (talk to me) she says rubbing my arm.

"mom I don't know where to start"

"start from wherever you want to" I look at her but still not able to tell her what I wanted to say.

"ok start by telling me who is the father of this baby you are carrying" my heart drop when I heard her say that how did she know my stomach is not even that big I hide my symptoms well at least I think I did.

I didn't know I was pregnant until I had miss like 2 periods and at that time I was already in Haiti not knowing what to do so I hide it by wearing lose clothes and avoid my mom from seeing me without a shirt.

I cry and cry blaming myself for falling and love and let myself go without looking back. how could I be so stupid and get pregnant. People will look at me differently they will judge when they see that the father of my baby is not in my life and won't be in the baby life either.

"you are asking yourself how do I know ain't you" she says and smile.

"first of I'm a woman that went through 4 pregnancies and I'm your mother"

"mom I just didn't know how to tell you I didn't want you to be ashamed of me"

"baby why should I be ashamed of you, I wanted you to be married with a stable career before you have a child but you have more going for you than most young ladies your age and if you didn't I would love and support you no matter what"

"thank you mom"

"you are welcome child, now tell me who is the father" I look at her and start crying she hug me and rub my back.

"mom I didn't mean to get pregnant I got carried away I was so in love with him mom I loved him with all my heart all my being mom and he let me go without even trying to let me explain." "and now look at me I'm pregnant and broken yes I have the business I'm making money but I need him mom I miss him why would he think I was doing voodoo on him for why mom" I cry just thinking about how Jeremy and I ended and how much pain this have cause me.

"all I did was love him mom he asks me to marry him I was so happy knowing that I was going to marry the love of my life but little did I know all my hopes and dreams was going to come crashing down right before my eyes and I couldn't do anything about it"

"he though I wanted to marry him because I needed a green card mom I didn't care about the green card I wanted to marry him because I love him"

I cry and cry telling my mom everything that happened in Jeremy house and how we start out to how it all ended.

"crying all day will do more harm than good the baby need you to be strong I know this hurt but baby ain't nothing you can do about it now just fix your mind on the wellbeing of your baby and let God and the spirits guide you through"

I sat with her a little longer before I got up and went inside the house to watch tv with my siblings.

The next morning, I wake up early take a shower get dress and go in search of a good doctor in the city. Finding a good doctor is not hard to find but being able to afford one is the hard part.

After finding a doctor and did all the test and ultrasound that let me know that I was indeed pregnant with not only one but two babies. I went home and tell my mom how everything went she was overjoyed when I told her that I was having twins. I call Jeremy number but he didn't answer for weeks I call him wanting to let him know that he was going to be a father but with no success.

I call Jacky to tell her that she was going to be a godmother she was very happy and was ready to board the next plane to come to Haiti. Jacky also try calling Jeremy but he never picks up she even try to go to his house but she couldn't get through the gate.

My last attempt was to send him a text message.

Hi Jeremy, I know you probably hate me right now and I'm sorry for hurting you it was never my intention to hurt you believe it or not I was not doing voodoo for you. Like I told you I am a voodooist that's my religion and my way of leaving but I guess you would never understand that there is good and bad in everything but what I felt for you was real and pure I never use you and wasn't trying to use you to get a green card I could have careless about that. I don't know how else should I apologize for being me.

I waited days weeks and months with no replies.

I keep hope that he will eventually come around and miss me and try to find me. I pray and light up candles every day ask to have him back in my life. Every time I go to the clinic and see the other ladies with their partner my heart aches.

After giving birth to my babies'  yes babies I gave birth to twin girls life was very hard with postpartum depression and not being able to cope with being a single mother. My mom and my older brother would try their best to help me but I was so deep in my depression that I nearly kill myself. Jacky was the one who came and stay with me for about 4 months since she didn't have a job at the time she came down to help me.