Lonely

Broken

I act happy. I try to be happy. It never seems to work. Because at the end of the day I know I have to go home to hell hole. Sometimes in school my mind goes blank. I might be depressed because all the signs show in me. I've done self harm. But I stopped because again I try to be happy. I've been broken. People don't know my back story. Now is my chance to show it.

"What the fuck? You didn't do the dishes!!", my uncle yells.

"Jeez. Well sorry.", I mutter. I don't know why people have to get so pissed over little shit. He yells so fucking loud and he gets all in up my face.

He pisses me off. He always wonders why I'm in my fucking bedroom all the damn time. It's because I hate being around people. I can't tell him that or else he'll probably get pissed. I think my family is fucked up and its over my closest cousins death. It fucked me up in the head even more. Before the year of 2016 my uncle abused me. He doesn't lay a hand on me anymore. But he used and still uses words to abuse me. It fucks me in the head so bad that I am sleep deprived too. I either over sleep or under sleep. And when I get the right amount in so tired.

God I need so much help. November comes of 2016 and my uncle says I need to move out. I'm only 13 where the fuck am I supposed to go?

"You're going to move in with your mother.", he tells me.

"Fuck. My mother sucks. She can barely take care I herself", I think to myself.

~~~~~~~~

"Okay. Whatever.", I mutter. The next month with my mom was stressful and annoying. We moved around a lot. We never had an official place to stay. Then it got so bad we had no choice but to call my sun to get us. My mom decided she was going to move out in February of 2017. She was trying to get me to come with her but I refused. The summer came and I turned 14. I start high school and its tiring. I'm busting my ass and I have some pretty good grades.

I try hard to do my chores and I never seem to be able to get them done because everyone in the house are pigs. My aunt yells at me and acts like its all me. Like I'm the one making all of the messes. I'm in my room most of the time. How can I make messes when I'm hiding away?

"EW this house is disgusting. Nobody ever helps around here.", my aunt will say. Apparently she doesn't see that I help. Her boyfriend doesn't ever help. He's the one who makes messes. I've never seen anybody make so many mess in less than an hour.

Then on the other hand we'll have fights. We'll be yelling at each other about how I don't appreciate anything she does. I do to, apparently I don't show it that good.

Another thing is she tells me I have to open up to her about shit. How am I supposed to open up if everything I say and is wrong. Everything I say or do doesn't make a difference anyways. There are times I've thought about killing myself. "Maybe the world would be a better place without me" or "I wonder if anyone will care if I stopped breathing." Those are things I think about a lot. I've been thinking about them a lot recently. I think I'm a decent girl but at the same time I think other people see me as not.

There are things I don't tell people. I've been smoking for two years. I'm a lesbian too. But if I told I'd be judged. People would keep mentioning that I smoked too. Nobody will ever let me be. Like I want to tell everyone to fuck off.

Shit I wish I had the life I've always wanted and dreamed of. This isn't even all the shit I've gone through. This is a lot of the shit that has me broken. I'm broken at soul. I'm broken at heart and my head.