Paradox Rules

==> BE SOMEONE MORE INTERESTING

You are now AXEL FOREST.

You have just finished off a
RATHER BLAND AND UNINTERESTING conversation with one of your friends, who has been berating you for slacking off your preparations for The IMPENDING APOCALYPSE. And, well...

In truth, he's mostly correct. You force yourself into being incompetent because it's LESS WORK, even though in reality you are actually PRETTY GOOD AT MOST THINGS. A philosophy that's sure to NOT CONFUSE ANYONE.

You, as 13 YEAR OLDS DO, have a variety of INTERESTS. Chief amongst them is BERATING YOUR FRIENDS FOR THEIR REALLY SHITTY INTERESTS, which is certain to cement you as TOTALLY NOT A HYPOCRITE AT ALL. You also enjoy indulging in MEMES from time to time, and have an interest in PHILOSOPHICAL TEXTS. Lastly, you make an effort to gain a low level knowledge of modern and ancient culture, not so much that you actually know anything, but just enough that you can BULLSHIT YOUR WAY INTO THE ILLUSION OF OMNISCIENCE.

In addition to this, over the last two years you have developed the hobby/job of PREPARING FOR THE END OF THE WORLD. While initially you were sceptical of your friends claims, their unsettling accuracy of predicting WORLD EVENTS AND ARCHEOLOGICAL DISCOVERIES changed your view to a degree, and you have at least began to comprehend his madness. Still, you are slightly sceptical as to whether your friend is, in fact, COMPLETLY INSANE. In reality, this wouldn't surprise you as much as one expects.

Speaking of which, you should probably get back to that. Not the THINKING YOUR FRIEND IS INSANE thing, you do that enough already. The other thing. You know, preparing for the apocalypse.

Yeah, that.

First of all, however, you grab your trusty GRIMOIRE FOR SUMMONING THE ZOOLOGICALLY DUBIOUS. The contents of this book are a CLOSELY GUARDED SECRET amongst even the most PRETENTIOUS SCHOLARS. With it, you can call upon the INFINITE POWER OF THE GOD'S OF THE FARTHEST RINGS, the scale of which is COMPLETLY INCOMPREHENSIBLE to the GREATEST OF MINDS.

It has also been proven that, in dire situations, hitting someone over the head with a PARTICULARLY HEAVY OBJECT is an effective way of GETTING A POINT ACROSS.

You throw the book into your BOOKKIND SPECUBUS, and open the door to your room. Imidiatly upon doing so, you are greeted with the overwhelming, memorable and easy to diagnose smell of BONE ON FIRE. It's a common smell in this house. Your FATHER spends a lot of his time MAKING BOWS, FIRING BOWS and doing LITERALLY ANYTHING TO DO WITH BOWS. And that includes making arrows, for which bone is... somehow nessesary. This, alongside the SMALL SPACES and your COMPLETLY TOXIC PERSONALITY are the reasons your best (read; only) friend doesn't visit very often. He says, quote, 'it smells of obsession and genocide'. Though, judging by his description of his guardian, you are kind of amazed that he hasn't gotten used to the smell.

You walk past the other 2 opposing doors on the UPPER FLOOR of your house, and turn to face the stairs. You step forward to proceed towards your CLEARLY STATED GOAL and...

Oh.

Good morning, BET.

There, lying halfway down the stairs in a mess of black fur, sits BET THE CAT. You likely won't get past her without either SUPERIOR STEALTH SKILLS or ENGAGING A STRIFE. Your view on subtly tends to waver between WAY OF LIFE and COMPLETLY POINTLESS, which makes intelligent conversation with you either oddly insightful or intensely stupid. You check you SUBTLETY DICHOTOMY to see how effective a stealth encounter would be.

Beep boop. It's currently reading something between DYING RHINO and HYSTERICAL HYENA. So no, you won't be sneaking past the cat. How you intended to sneak past a HIGHLY ALERT CAT on a narrow stairwell is currently beyond you, but you assume a different reading on the DICHOTOMY would have yielded some form of answer. Maybe a reading closer to SILENT CRAB or HYPERBOLIC SNAIL.