The Adventures of James Dean.

21.

'Jen Jen I have money. Loads of it....' I hadn't called her Jen Jen in years.

'Save your cash big bro, it's nothing you can do. There's nothing anyone can do. It's just the way it is.' There was acceptance there, but more than that, there was a sense of loss.

'But that can't be it Jen....'

'It is, it really is. Lucas and I have been arguing and hurting, but it's okay, because we love one another and we'll be together whatever happens or doesn't happen.'

'I must seem like the biggest dick. You must hate me. For not wanting this, and then I'm the one having a kid....' I ran my hand over my face, feeling like a cold, heartless bastard.

'My niece or nephew.' I heard the smile in her voice. Genuine warmth.

'Jen I'm just so sorry.'

'Don't be. I'm not dying, were both healthy. I love Lucas so much and we're getting married.'

I smiled. Typical Jen. Always looking on the bright side, even when the bright side didn't harbour much light.

'And I'm not having a maid of honour. I'm having a male of honour....I was hoping you'd say yes.'

I laughed aloud and then remembered the sleeping beauty on my chest. 'Ah shoot, sorry Kennedy....'

'Kennedy?'

'Uh....yeah long story....Kennedy came to Ibiza.'

'Preggo chick? From the club?'

'Yeah.' I heard the remorse in my voice. Remorse that conception wasn't dignified.

'And?'

See she knew this was out of the ordinary, because she knew me. So well.

'And I'm crazy about her. I think.....I don't know what's going on with me right now....'

Silence.

'James are you okay?'

'Yeah....shit I feel great, I feel real.....I feel amazing.'

No 'nice' about it.

'But you're the self professed perennial bachelor?'

'I think I'd rather jump off a cliff than not see where this could go. She's beautiful Jen.'

'Tell me about her....'

'She's around five three, five four, and she's got like dark red hair, and hazel eyes, sometimes they look greenish sometimes darker brown. And she's feisty and strong willed, and she's got a huge heart.....'

'What about tits and ass?'

I laughed, then stopped myself before I woke Kennedy. Jen knew me way too well.

'You didn't mention her ass or her tits, J' she pointed out. 'So does this mean its serious?'

'It means I wanna be a father. And I want to be with the mother.'

Saying the words aloud felt strange. But they were the truth and there was no way in hell I could lie to Jen.

'I don't even know what to say.' she mumbled.

'Say you're gonna be right behind me Jen. I need you. I know this is crazy but I'm gonna do this and I'm gonna be the best dad.'

I heard her sniffle. God I wanted to be there with her so bad. My kid sister. My best friend. She was harsh when she needed to be. Maybe she was trying to wake me up as well as showing me I should be grateful for even the most unexpected and trying of blessings.