AN INDIAN GIRLS SACRIFICE

Chapter 27

"Yes you can ask me," I say nonchalantly.

"Are you upset with me? When I called Saturday night you took off with me. I don't know what to make of it."

"I'm sorry about that. I'm not upset with you, I kind of took someone else's anger out on you. I should have called and apologised but I still don't have my phone."

"Oh so I was made the target. Its okay but why were you angry and who was making you angry?"

"No one specific. I think it was just a build up of events that day that lead to my outburst."

Bhabhi called us for breakfast to the dinning room. Everyone was already seated at the table. I told Zayaan to sit down while I went to help bhabhi in the kitchen to bring the food to the table.

Zayaan had a meeting after lunch so he went to prepare for his meeting when he was done with breakfast. Zuhair bhai and Abba left for work and Fawaaz bhai went to university.

Zafar went out with friends since school closed on Friday for them, Ammi and bhabhi went to help Asma Chachi with setting up Suhail's apartment.

I was left alone with Zayaan but it didn't bother me as long as he was busy with his work. I got started on lunch in the meantime since I had no other work.

Once I was done preparing lunch I decided to go up to my room. I didn't want my parent's to feel I didn't take care of Zayaan in their absence so I stopped by Zayaan's room to check if he needed anything.

"May I come in?" I asked gingerly.

"Yeah sure, what's up doll?"

"I just came to check if you need anything?"

"I don't need anything but I would like to have your time and your company if you don't mind."

"I don't know if that's such a great idea with everyone gone."

"I think they left us alone intentionally so we could get to know each other better. Maybe we can call someone from your family and find out if it's okay."

"I don't want to disturb them, I guess it will be okay but I think we should go down to the living room and speak."

"After you doll."

As we walking down the stairs Zayaan slipped his arm beneath mine and held my hand. I immediately pulled back and stopped walking. I stood like a statue on the staircase. His held my hand before but I felt he was crossing the line this time, it felt different.

"What's wrong? I'm your fiancé, I can hold your hand."

"Zayaan maybe this is not such a good idea," I say as I run up the stairs and to my room.

I locked my room door and fell to the ground behind the door, tears rolled down my cheeks. Zayaan knocks on the door but I don't answer. I can hear him pacing in the hallway, how do I face him?

I can't bring myself to accept his touch, his presence, his existence. I have no excuses not to be with him, not to allow him near me, not to allow him to touch me.

I can't allow him to get close to me, it will just create problems for both of us. I might be his fiancé but my heart belongs to someone else. His touch makes me feel like I'm cheating on Aahil.

"Amaani please open the door, I'm sorry I held your hand, it won't happen again," Zayaan says gingerly.

"Please go away. I want to be left alone."

I hear more then one persons footsteps, I don't move from the door but I'm afraid that my family will make an issue about this.

"Amu open the door beta, Ammi wants to speak to you, I promise only your bhabhi and I will come in."

I unlock the door and move away to my bed. My Ammi and bhabhi come in and sit on either side of me. My Ammi takes my hand and puts it in hers, I start crying uncontrollably.

"Amu what's wrong? Why you crying like this?"

"Bhabhi I can't do this, I can't allow him to touch me."

"Beta who touched you? What you talking about?"

"Ammi, Zayaan tried to hold my hand and I freaked out."

"Amu what's wrong if he holds your hand? He is trying to get closer to you, trying to understand you, trying to strengthen your bond. Give him a chance, he knows he has to try hard because he has Aahil to compete with. He knows you don't love him but he is still trying to make things work."

"Bhabhi I feel like I'm cheating on my love when he touches me. How can I be so inconsiderate towards my love. It would be an insult to my love and Aahil. I know I will never be with Aahil but I need time to get over it. I need time to accept Zayaan and I need space from his love and affection. When he shows me affection or says he loves me it hurts."

"Okay relax Amu, Ammi and I will talk to him."

"No bhabhi, if Abba finds out he will be upset."

My Ammi and bhabhi called Zayaan to my room, he looked worried and nervous. He looked at me and saw I was in tears.

"Zayaan beta, Amu is sorry for how she reacted but beta you have to understand her. You know what she is going through, you know about Aahil. She can't forget him overnight, it takes time, especially when your heart is broken. That's all she is asking for is for you to give her time and space."

"Ammi I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt Amaani. I was just trying to…"

"We know you only trying to make your relationship work and be better and we appreciate your efforts. All we ask is give Amu time, maybe ask before you hold her hand."

"Amaani I'm so sorry, I didn't intend on hurting you and now that I know how you feel I will give you the time you need."

Zayaan and bhabhi left the room, Ammi stayed behind and had a small chat with me to help me deal with my situation.