7| Salvation

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Salvation

"And now that you don't have to be perfect, you can be good"                                          - John Steinbeck

"And now that you don't have to be perfect, you can be good"                                          - John Steinbeck

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Mariana's POV

"How is this supposed to work if you don't plan on publicly coming back?" I asked
"I'm not saying I won't tell people, I just... I don't want to be where I was, in people's firing lines anymore. I'm old Mar. Old and sick and I just... living in hell for four years has only made me realise that you and the boys are the only important thing. The only thing that matters to me" he said

"Not business?" I asked
"You come before business. You come before everything" he said, nearing me
"Alfie" I tried
"Please, just... let me see the boys, I understand it, if you don't want to know me, if you... if you can't forgive me, but please let me at least get to know them" he said

"I..."
I couldn't even comprehend how they would react
How they would feel.

But I also couldn't see a world without Alfie in it now.
Now that I knew he was alive.

Alfie's POV

I just wanted to kiss her again.
Feel her fucking hair in my hands and her lips
Her fucking lips
They were a drug all in themselves
I didn't need any fucking opium or cocaine
If she didn't want me. Then I had to remind her of what we had

And I can get to know my children whilst I'm doing so
See my boys. Meet my son.
"Think about it, then meet me" I said
"Meet you?" She questioned confused
"Yeah, at the bakery, tomorrow" he said
"Why?" She asked

"You want me to come back, I'll come back, I'll tell them all I'm alive, I'll take everything back, I'll take nothing back. Whatever you want I'll fucking do it" I said honestly
Anything at all
Being dead has made money and reputation near obsolete to me

She was all I wanted
All I fucking needed
If god was real then I needed her fucking salvation before I die.
I need her to tell me I'm not as bad as I truly am.

"Don't promise things" she said
"I'll promise you anything" I said calmly
She looked at me
With that wary look
One that told me I had a lot of making up to do.

"You promised me a lot on our wedding day Alfie. Promised me you would support me, be by my side till death do us part" she said sadly

"Come, tomorrow" I insisted
Come and tell me I'm doing the right thing.
That I'm not a shit husband and a worse father

"I'll leave you to it" I said, moving for the door
The food I cooked was shit anyway
It was wrong of me to think I could convince her to give me a chance so quickly
"Alfie" she said, I looked back at her
"We're not... I'm not going to sweep everything under the carpet and take you back" she said

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