Under Pressure

Complex Reconciliation

"I-..." I wanted to respond, but I just couldn't, it felt like the words gathered in my chest and got stuck there. I was supposed to be smart, why was I getting tongue tied now?

"You know I'm right, Donnie, you know I'm right because you don't have anything you can use to argue against that." Leo patted my shoulder, I flinched and he jumped slightly because of that. Apparently, we were both on edge and our interaction wasn't helping. "Just let your family take care of you."

"Voice is my family now, their home is my home." I felt like a record player, repeating whatever was given to me to spout out to unsuspecting ears. 

"Wh- you- but- Donnie!" Leo struggled for a moment to process that. "Are you out of your mind?! No, that's a stalker, a kidnapper, a manipulator, and an abuser! They don't care about you!"

"It's not like you guys are any better." I rolled my eyes. It was true, they weren't doing any better. They would constantly watch me when I didn't know it and when I specifically requested to be alone, April had kidnapped me, they all made me feel like I wasn't working hard enough, and they would all cause me unnecessary harm during training to try to become stronger or for nothing more than their own amusement. I wasn't about to explain that to them though. Leo was about to open his mouth to say something when Mikey ran into the room and hugged me tightly, immediately crying.

"Donnie, I'm so so sorry! I didn't know we were making you upset, I just wanted to help so you wouldn't have to work so hard and that just made you more upset so I tried to get smarter and that didn't work either and then you left and then you went to the weird Voice person and I didn't get the chance to tell you I'm sorry!" Mikey buried his face into my shoulder, I felt the tears drop down onto my skin and my shell. I couldn't hug him back, but if I could've, I would've seriously considered it based on that reaction. He was always the main one that seemed to care about ho I felt and what i was going through, I appreciated his company even though he was still believing in a failing team that was doing nothing but causing problems for itself. He took a good, long look at me before becoming more emotional. "You're hurt even worse than I thought you'd be! I'm sorry I didn't work harder to find you, I got tired and I couldn't look when I was tired and I know that's not an excuse but-"

"it's okay, Mikey." I sighed. I couldn't believe I was going right back to making excuses for them again. "I'm fine."

"No you aren't! You were missing for so long and we were really scared you were killed!" Mikey clung to me tighter. They thought I'd died? Well, that explained why he was so upset. "I thought that you'd come back for most of the time, so I waited for you whenever Raph and Leo were fighting, I waited so I'd be the one welcoming you instead of their arguing! And now you're all hurt "

"That's... really sweet, Mikey... I'm fine, I swear." I didn't want him to worry. He was the one that seemed to care the most, so I would focus my energy on reassuring him. "I'm hurt from training, which I did on my own. This isn't anyone's fault but mine and I'll heal just fine."

"You can't even reach some of those bruises, especially to hit them so hard!" Mikey pointed out. "You've got long limbs, but they aren't that long!" He was right, I could never reach that with my limbs. But there was one thing he forgot: I use a bo staff, which is long enough.

"I trained with my staff, you know that thing can reach most places." I did use my staff during training as well, so it wasn't like I was lying. 

"But that looks nothing like the marks you'd get from a staff." Raph walked into the room, his arms folded tightly. "I've seen what happens when you get beat with your own weapon, you weren't the best at using that thing at first, remember? That doesn't look anything like what you'd get from that. So quit lying and tell us what's really going on, Donnie." How'd he catch me that quickly? Now I was never going to be able to tell them something and have them believe me...

"It's fine, it's nothing." I looked away from him, not wanting to see any looks of disappointment from any of my brothers. Raph was the most frequently disappointed in me if he wasn't angry, so I had to avoid looking at him. "I'm fine."

"That's a lie too." Raph groaned. "Come on, just work with us here, let us help you! Is it so hard to believe that we're people you can trust with this?! Is it so hard to just tell the truth?! Is it so hard to believe in us when we say that we're here for you and that we care?!"

"...yes..." I closed my eyes, taking deep breaths to avoid freaking out. I couldn't afford to freak out at that point, they could get even more upset with me and get tired of me. I had to be honest with them though, they deserved at least that for all of their troubles. "Yes, it is..."

"It's okay, Donnie, you don't have to talk about it right now." Mikey immediately reassured me. "We gotta take care of you right now, that means respecting your struggles."

"Huh?" I would've been less surprised if I'd seen him change colors and start crawling on the ceiling. "When did you learn to talk like that, Mikey? When did you learn about all of that?"

"While I waited for you to come back, I needed something to keep me distracted from the arguing, so I went on my t-phone and started doing research on mental health." Mikey admitted. "I just wanted to be able to help, I didn't understand what was wrong so I had to figure it out."

"You went out of your way to study for me?" I didn't know he'd cared that much, he'd already told me how difficult studying was for him and how much he hated it. "But why?"

"Because I love you." Mikey gave me a gentle smile. "Now we're gonna take care of you, you're gonna rest and let yourself get better. We won't make you work too hard anymore, it wasn't fair and we're gonna make it up to you."

"Shouldn't we start questioning him first-" Raph was about to ask something much longer than what he managed to get out, but Mikey interrupted him.

"That's why Donnie left in the first place, we have to let him get better first. It's like being sick, but instead of physically, it's in your brain." Mikey tapped my head gently where I wasn't hurt. "We can ask him questions when he's better or when he feels like it."

"You changed so much just for me?" I looked at him. "Mikey, are you sure that's good for you?"

"I'm not changing myself, I'm changing a few things I do so I can help you without making myself overworked." Mikey sounded like a happy child that just figured out a puzzle. "I'm gonna do my best to help you without making myself too tired, it'll be okay!"

"Wow... thank you..." I could feel tears of relief filling my eyes, I had no idea that they'd ever put that much effort in, I especially hadn't expected it from Mikey, but that's what I'd needed. "I'm sorry I left, I love you guys..."