His Love

Conflicted

"You do realize that she will need time to come to terms with this don't you?" she asked next and not looking overly pleased with the sudden change in circumstances for all of them.

"I know....." he replied quietly and expecting nothing less.

"Do you really?" The Empress asked and becoming angry because she honestly didn't think he did.    "She loved you as a father and protected you as a daughter.  Ye Hua she loved as a husband and the father of her son." her voice broke for all the heartbreak her daughter had gone through, only for it to be some magical spell he'd concocted with his father and all because he wanted to be the War God.  "How the hell do you expect her to reconcile the two men she loved for two separate reasons when she has suffered so much because of the both of you?" she spat and rising unsteadily to her feet.

"Dearest....." Bai Zhi rose with her and gently took hold of her arm to keep her from raising it to slap him, which he knew she was about to do.

"I am sorry Empress.  But I loved her as two men.  And now In this complete form." he replied quietly and unable to say another word because her mothers tearful eyes and disappointment in him was just as distressing to him as Bai Qians possible rejection.

"I want you to stay away from her.  You are to give her all the time she needs, and until then, you are not welcome in Qing Qiu." her voice shook angrily, before turning around and storming them both out followed by Bai Zhen who looked close to fainting but choosing to remain silent until he had spoken to his sister.

____

Somewhere in the Mortal Realm

Booking into a motel room was no hardship for a woman who was used to masquerading as a man.  It was necessary, because women did not travel alone, it was too dangerous.  So the moment the door closed behind her, she not only bolted it tightly, but she immediately fell onto the bed in tears, having held onto them the entire way.  

Every word he had said, she had felt like knife to her heart.  Shifu, her beautiful, kind and gentle Shifu was really the arrogant, cruel and deceitful Ye Hua.  Yes she had forgiven him in the end for A Lis sake and perhaps a chance to heal the wounds of the past, but to her mind, they were two separate men.     

Both of then had loved her in their own unique ways,  only she never dreamed in a million years they were the same man.  Not even when she had met Ye Hua during her trial and then again after.    Ye Hua to some degree was kind and gentle like Mo Yuan and ruthless and unforgiving when angered, but they had still been very different to each other.

It didn't matter what the circumstances were behind Mo Yuan splitting his personality like he did and nor did she blame him, seeing as the Demon War had almost destroyed them all.  She could also see why he had gone to his father for assistance too, after all both had lost their one treasured family member.  His mother and his fathers wife.    It had been a personal agreement between them both and not relevant to anyone else.

And it had worked well.  To the world, Mo Yuan was uncompromising, strategic and ruthless.  He might have been kind and gentle with her,  but to the rest of the world, he was exactly what he had wanted to be.  The ultimate War God.  Indestructible.   Undefeatable. Unaffected.

Ye Hua on the other was what she imagined a younger version of Mo Yuan would have looked like.   He too was strategic, cold and ruthless.  But he was young, inexperienced, reckless and fueled by emotion which was what Mo Yuan had chosen to have removed.  This she saw clearly in the way he chose to love her.   Ye Hua was a man, filled with the desires of the young yet unable to differentiate between healthy love and obsession.  His jealousy was frightening at times, and his declarations of love unrealistic, much like the young.

Ye Hua on the one hand had told he had loved her, yet Mo Yuan had kept it to himself preferring instead to admire her from afar, in the hope that one day, she would either grow to love him back or he figured out a way to set his soul piece free.  And it was obvious now, which option he had chosen.

Sighing deeply through the tears, she realized it was so easy to define them both in this way, now that she knew what had happened.  

"But what of my heart?" she whispered.

She had loved Mo Yuan as a father for ninety thousand years.  She had taken the bond of the discipleship as a sacred oath and though there had been times in her youth when she had secretly held a crush for him, she had out grown it as life took over.

Ye Hua on the other hand, was much different.  She had learned to love the man himself.  It might not have been as strong as her undying love for her Shifu but she had wanted the marriage in the end.  She had accepted it and him as her life time partner, friend and confidante and she had even come to terms with the age gap which she had initially been opposed to.  In fact, their passionate nights had definitely put whatever fears she had of the age difference, to rest.

Yet the thought of Mo Yuan being the one to share her body and every sigh of undying love during a long night of passion, was very difficult to comprehend, because in the end, he was still Mo Yuan, her Shifu.  Whereas that little part of him she was willing to give her mind, body and soul to was also him.   And this was where she became conflicted because she just couldn't reconcile the two.

In the end, she burst into tears all over again until she completely wore herself and fell into a fitful sleep.

__

"Zhen Zhen, you're the only one she will talk to in times like this, you know her better than all of us." his mother sniffled quietly and just wanting her to come home.

"Please son, go and talk to her.  It's been 6 months and she still hasn't returned.  If anyone can talk sense into her, its you."  Bai Zhi also pressured him to go and find her.

Looking over at Zhe Yan, he sighed quietly.   His face was expressionless, but Bai Zhen knew he was also just as worried, his hands were clasped to the front which he only did when he was under stress.  Otherwise he always held his hands behind his back.

"Fine..." his shoulders sagged in resignation.  It wasn't because he didn't want her to come back and put Mo Yuan out of his misery with a final decision, which he had been demanding, but they were right.  He did know her better than anyone, and truthfully, he just didn't want to face her wrath.  

"I'll go.... but she's scary when she angry." he pouted at his mother before turning towards the entrance for the motel she always stayed at when she ran away.  A place she was unaware that he knew about but had chosen to follow her to one day, incase he ever needed her.

"There had better be something in it for me when I return broken and near death...." he mumbled under his breath seconds before he disappeared from view.