I'm dyeing because of you

10 Part Story 8.7K Reads 62 Votes
shannfarrell1 By shannfarrell1 Updated 3 years ago
"Lily tell me please just tell me” 
    “I can’t” 
    “why please just tell me” 
    “I can’t” 
     “Lily please tells me what’s happening to you? Tell me?” 
    “I can’t… you won’t understand” 
    “Understand what, just tell me?” 
    "you’re killing me”
    “I’m just trying to help…” 
    “No that’s not what I meant, I’m dying and you’re the reason why”
a few spelling errors, im still trying to figure out the 'She cracked it,' when she sat up so fast...
uhhhhmmm. There's this thing. Its called punctuation. Your 'paragraphs' are like giant run on sentences. Please fix it,  because from what i could read of the first pages it (the plot) seems really good.
Sighs, was hoping you had listened to me about paragraphs. Also needs quite a bit of work. Delete sadly.
you really need to space out your paragraphs, its kinda hard to read. But its really interesting.
I like it so far, but could you use periods? It's kinda confusing.
Hey Shannon this is the story from your journal bookie thing right?
                                    
                                    LOVE IT <3