I like the interactions between your characters. Several grammatical errors found-- I hope you can edit them. :)
It was a good start for them to introduce well. I think it's just fine, the plot, characters, description, details. Just a little more improvement c:
This seems like some other stuff I've read on this site, but with it's own twist. Try to stay away from cliche plot lines, and you'll have a strong story.
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