Season 4 One Shots

After the Hearing

Author's Note: This is a bit of wishful thinking based on the promos for 04x03. Based on other spoilers, it is clear that this is AU, but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless! Thank you to Moozanna for the original idea for this one!

"If I lose my career here today, I don't think I'll be able to stay clean," Robert admitted to Richard as he waited for the commission chairperson to call him back into the barn.

The members of the commission had listened to the testimony and asked their questions. Now they were deliberating and would soon notify Robert of his fate. Richard sat on the steps, while Robert paced nervously back and forth. The testimony from Emmett and Ben had been tough to hear, but fair. They both explained what they knew about Robert's drug use and theft, but did so without any malice. Richard served as a character witness, explaining that Robert had been going to daily Narcotics Anonymous meetings, as he planned to complete 90 meetings in 90 days, and that he had been helping Robert as he worked through the "12 Steps." Richard was also able to speak as a doctor, detail the severity of the pain associated with complex regional pain syndrome, and explain why people with chronic pain might take extreme, sometimes illegal, measures to manage the pain. Robert appreciated what he had said, but he wasn't sure it would be enough, especially after former chief Dixon fabricated some of the details of the discussion that occurred when Robert admitted to the theft of the fentanyl. It was clear that Dixon knew he was going down, and he was going to do his best to take Robert down with him.

"Why do you want to stay clean?" Richard asked as Robert continued to pace in the small space.

Robert paused, and sat down next to Richard. At first, the question seemed simple, and he was tempted to respond with a glib answer. He wanted to stay clean so he could be clean. He didn't want to be an addict. He paused for a moment. As he reflected on the question, and what he had learned about addiction from the meetings and working the steps, he knew the answer was much more complex and nuanced. He also knew that Richard wouldn't hesitate to call him out if he attempted to give a response that was anything less than truthful. While Robert didn't always appreciate how Richard pushed him to consider the uncomfortable realities of his choices, he knew that Richard's only goal was to help him stay clean.

Robert took a deep breath and began to answer the question: "When I started using, I let myself down, I let my firefighters down, and I let my friends down. I allowed myself to use my pain as an excuse to do things that I knew were wrong, and I did them anyway. I also know that if I start using again, there's a pretty good chance I could end up dead. I was lucky that Emmett found me when he did, or I might not be here today. I want to live. I want to figure out what the next chapter of my life will be, and I want to be with Andy."

When Robert paused to collect his thoughts, Richard responded with a simple, "Ok."

"Ok?" Robert responded with a sardonic chuckle. He had opened himself up to Richard and was honestly hoping for some sage advice that would help him stay away from the narcotics he might crave, especially if the commission did not find in his favor, and all he got was an "ok."

"Yeah, ok," Richard responded. "You're in a much better place than you were when you originally took the drugs. When you walk out of that room after they've announced your fate, I'll still be here. You can talk to me. We'll attend a meeting...hell, we'll attend 10 meetings if it helps. You won't get rid of me until we're both sure you can stay clean. And then, you'll wake up again tomorrow, with one more day of sobriety under your belt, and we'll do it all again if we have to."

Robert was momentarily speechless. Until a few weeks ago, he hadn't even met Richard Webber, and now he was doing whatever he could to keep Robert away from drugs.