Recognition

I can say I'm better now.

I'm not how I used to be;

I've stopped for now.

I say now because it's an urge

To indulge myself in sin.

To turn around

And drown myself in self pity.

I was so sick,

So very sick and nothing could stop my spiraling downwards.

I'm better now though.

I'm better for myself.

Even though I still feel unwell at times,

I still feel like I can't take the sight of myself for long periods of time;

I can at least say I have gotten rid of that poisoned half I used to call myself.

I was able to leave the sickness behind, but somehow it finds it's way back.

I just want to be pretty, all I want is to be so damn pretty!

I blame myself.

Then I go deeper in the hole.

I feel that emptiness

That anxious shake

That heat flash followed by a cold chill.

They said I wouldn't be able to shake it off all at once,

But I wanted it to at least stop for a longer period of time.

I don't want to fall apart now.

I've been doing so good before.

But then I start to think and think and think and think and want and desire and crave-!

"Stop thinking that way!"

It's so hard, you have no idea how hard it is.

I look into the mirror everyday

Do you know what I see?

I see a girl.

A familiar stranger;

That one person you know their face but forgot their name.

I want to cry when I see her because I can't seem to remember her face

then she would ask me:

"Do you feel pretty today?"

No, of course not.