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|The Sad Simp| Victoria Justice | Shaylee Brooks Age: 16 • Height: 5'6 Best Friend: Drake Bell, Josh Nichols, and Alexis Jones. Love Interest: Drake Bell—Unrequited.
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|The Emotional Support| Jamie Spears| Alexis Jones Age: 16 years old • Height: 5'7 Best Friend: Shaylee Brooks, Carson Reed, and Heather Reed. Love Interest: Josh Nichols — Unknown
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|Older Brother of Heather Reed & Second Simp| Kyle Swann | Carson Reed • Age: 17 years old • Height: 5'10 Best Friend: Alexis Jones and Drake Bell Love Interest: Shaylee Brooks — Unrequited.
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|Baby Sister of Kyle Reed • Clueless Bombshell| Megan Fox | Heather Reed Age: 15 years old | Height: 5'4 Best Friend: Alexis Jones, Stephanie, and Lola. Love Interest: No One.
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| The Clueless Simp | Drake Bell | Drake Age: 16 years old • Height: 5'9 Best Friend: Carson Reed, Shaylee Brooks, and Josh Nichols. (On rare occasions) Love Interest: Heather Reed.
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|The 2nd Emotional Smart Support | Josh Peck | Josh Nichols Age: 17 years old • Height: 6'0 Best Friend: Shaylee Brooks, Eric and Craig Blonowitz. Love Interest: Alexis Jones — Unknown
