Exist

The Start

I hate this.

I hate waiting in lines.

I hate being shoved and jostled.

I hate the visceral feeling I get around people. The suffocating anxiety of crowds makes my stomach churn.

More than anything, I hate being in public.

Thankfully my life allows me to stay home and work remotely. I order groceries and takeout, allowing Amazon and Shipt to supply me with all my needs, but today my adventure could not be avoided.

I shuffled forward slightly in line and let out a groan as the customer at the register changed her order to the barista for a second time, emphasizing that she needed half skim milk and half whole milk plus three pumps of sugar free Vanilla flavoring. Previously it was mocha and almond milk, but naturally she made the barista out to be an idiot instead of owning up to her error.

Okay, Grant... five more people before you're at the front of this damn line... I thought while taking a deep breath and brushing the lapel of my suit jacket a moment. I shifting my weight slightly while moving my leather laptop bag from my left shoulder to my right. My hand instinctively rubbed the back of my neck and I flinched while remembering the hair cut I got the previous day. I hated losing my shaggy black locks but acknowledged my new short fade style was more in line with the professional aesthetic I wanted to portray.

Needed to portray.

I don't know why I agreed to this.

Wait. Yes, I do.

The purpose of this stop is to grab coffee so I can survive the trek into the city where I will make a presentation to investors for grant funding. My startup has potential but that's nothing without more money to make this my true focus. This business grant is crucial so we can go from a couple of guys in an apartment designing different apps to a true network of sites focused on virtual learning.

Our ideas are solid. This has been the center of my attention for three years while doing web design on the side to pay the bills. It's not ideal but we are doing what we need to do to make our dreams come true. My business partner, Mark, struggles with severe anxiety and attention deficit disorder while I have dyslexia so our apps allow students to learn based on how their brain works verses how traditional school is structured. Educators are forced to teach in a way that reaches the largest number of their students. Our ideas allow the outliers an opportunity to catch up.

It's revolutionary... and I need this grant to make it happen. I can no longer be pulled in multiple directions. Mark and I have a game plan and can launch everything in six months if we have the funding. That would be just in time for a beta launch at the beginning of a new school year, giving us a true opportunity to help kids who need this kind of backup.

The rude woman up front loudly corrected the barista again and I heard a hollow laugh from behind me.

"Fucking hell, step aside and let the rest of us order. My god." A quiet voice spoke and I chuckled, relieved that I was not the only customer annoyed at someone holding up the line and berating the poor barista.

I considered turning around and making conversation but thought better of that idea. Focus on your goal, Grant. Get your cold brew then get to the train station to meet Mark and head over for our meeting. My thoughts continued to swirl but I remained calm, practicing some breathing techniques to keep my wits about me. Maybe I can use this wait as a real world test for how well I will handle the pressure of such a major meeting.

The "I said whipped cream on the side, not on top, and this isn't sugar free Vanilla" woman finally stepped aside after the manager approached to assist her and everyone in line inched forward. I was encouraged to see the next customer show kindness to the barista, relief flooding me when it was clear the rest of us were Team The Customer Is Not Always Right.