The Diary Of Jane

The Diary Of Jane Entry 3

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The Diary Of Jane: Entry 3

13/06/2010

Location: Home

She was asleep. Nothing was supposed to wake her up until the painkillers wore out. She'd been using them to sleep these days. Other than forcing herself to, nothing else seemed to put herself to sleep. Sometimes she tried to swallow the whole bottle of three hundred of these little killers. She'd stare at them all day. Literally. She'd skip school to ponder over it. Then she'd chicken out.

"I'll do it someday. When life finally ceases to mean anything. I swear I will. There was nothing holding me back anyway." she'd tell herself. She knew she had to. Someday she had to. And she would succeed. But for now, it was back to the knife for her.

She opened her eyes. Her bloody red eyes, foam leaking from her mouth and throat dry. Built-in human defense reflexes had kicked in and saved her. She puked all over the floor. All the chemicals which would've killed her.

She had failed again. She gagged hard, and breathed harder. Her eyes were killing her. But she popped another painkiller and tried to go back to sleep. It hurt, her throat. Another reason to kill herself, this one was a fair one too. What for to live if you couldn't even sleep?

She spent the rest of the night tossing around under her sheets. Floor wet with oral disgorge.

At 9,

After having the alarm blare the entire morning, she finally woke up and smashed the alarm clock. She then looks at the time.

"Oh shit! I'm going to be SO late!" she would have said.

"Fuck it. Another fucking day in school." she said. School meant sleeping in lessons. It meant meeting assholes she hated. It meant being judged. It meant seeing her old friends. Her boyfriend.

And after school she'd have an appointment with an irritating counselor. He sucked. Life sucked.

She struggled to stay balanced as she walked to the bathroom. There she lifted her shirt and barely touched the wound with the tip of her fingers. It was fine. She assumed. Because it wasn't bleeding. Even her X cut above her braline wasn't bleeding. And for once things seemed to be fine. But still her throat hurt.

She walked out and grabbed her bag, she then walked out her room and remembered her math homework. She didn't care. She trudged down the stairs slowly, counting her steps again. It seemed to be her only hobby for some funny reason. She limped to the kitchen and walked to the fridge. Her parents weren't home. They were never home. Ever since Matt died this family fell apart. It didn't matter. They didn't care.

She didn't care.

A sandwich had seemed ideal, but then again she wasn't going to eat. She plugged her skullcandy bass headset and blasted at full volume her favorite song.

Simple but Fucked Life by Beyond Tolerance. The lyrics were nice at least to her.

Life is simple,

Life is fucked.

You live for twenty years,

And then what?

Yeah she agreed. And then what? Fucking good question. She pondered over it while taking another sip of her Vodka. She left her scotch upstairs so she drank straight from the fridge.

She dumped the rest of the bottle in her bag and walked out. It was going to take a while to walk to school. Fucking late was going to be an understatement. Yeah it was. She chuckled at the thought of that fat teacher rolling on the floor filled with anger. She'd help him roll around, too.

When she got to school however, the guard let her in. She just walked through emotionlessly. Oh right, we start school late today because the principal died or something. What a fucking joke. Still she smiled inside. Never liked the old bugger. He was always eyeing her now and then. He'd eye any girl. She even heard that he had once taken the shirt of a girl and felt inside her bra to 'see if she was hiding anything like drugs or weapons'. Yeah right.

I don't care what you want.

I just want mine.

IDC! by Beyond Tolerance was playing now.

-TO BE CONTINUED-

THIS IS PURELY FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

This is an Original story by Rudolph Benjamin Maxwell.