Blinded Heart >On Hold<

Chapter Ten

Chapter Ten

Panicking, I type a message up to Logan. I can feel my throat constrict, breathing that little bit quicker and sharper, and my heart hammers uncontrollably. 

Lilly: Logan? What's up? Caitlyn said you never wanted to speak to me again..?

Then I sit, twiddling my thumbs, awaiting his reply. My mood has changed so dramatically, and I suddenly feel both tense and depressed. Why would Logan want to stop talking to me? Although, that's not the real question: why am I so upset that he wants to stop talking to me?

It isn't as if we're constantly calling each other up (I don't even have his number) or meeting and chatting after each lesson. Why is his friendship, if it even counts for that, such a loss for me? I mean, I already figured out that the one I care about most is Keegan... Isn't it?

I do have a strange, unsettled feeling inside of me which is distinctly similar to when I've eaten something dodgy. Clearly, I have some sort of feelings for Logan - I'm just pretty sure they aren't the same as his feelings for me.

Logan: yeah well u don't like me so what's the point

What do I say to him? In truth, I don't know if I do like him. But I can't say that!

Lilly: I like you actually

Logan: no u dont.. u like some other guy still

Lilly: yes.... but.... i like u too :/

Logan: not enough.. look i think i should say goodbye now

Lilly: please dont :(

Logan: goodbye lilly

Lilly: what do you mean goodbye?

Lilly: Logan?

Lilly: hello?

I stare at the screen, I feel a pang of pain in my stomach. Do I honestly care about him? It hurts to think we won't speak again, but the pain is bearable, ignorable even. It's too late to care now. Anything that might've been is over.

A few days pass. You'd think I'd be hung up on Logan, I couldn't care less. It sounds cruel, but it's not like anything happened. Besides, I'm having more fun with Matt.

I had a water fight with him yesterday. It was chemistry and we were supposed to be testing for something (don't ask what, I wasn't paying attention) in the water. Matt got a pipet filled with water and squirted it at me.

Feeling rebellious, I squirted him back so that it went all over his shirt, directly over his heart to be exact. Cupid couldn't have had a better aim.

"Lilly!" he cried in mock anger. "Wipe that off now!" I stared at his chest. Did he really want me touching him...there? Before I had time to consider it, he'd gotten the whole tub of water and thrown it at me.

The class silenced and, in a feeble attempt to defend myself, I flicked the remainder of water at him. Keegan let out a snort of laughter, soon everyone had joined him. Even I was laughing and I had mascara running down my face and my hair plastered to my cheeks.

"I hate you Matthew!" I snapped. But I didn't mean it of course. He just smiled at me, his pretty blue eyes twinkling. For a moment, my heart skipped a beat, but then I remembered how soaked I was and the moment passed.

Even Harry has had me distracted from thoughts of Logan. He's been nice to me, joking around and being generally... sweet. He does, however, keep bringing up my mystery crush. He's desperate to know who he is.

I'm not sure if I trust Harry, though, especially not with telling him I fancy his best friend. 

He wouldn't be my first choice to tell. Everything he does seems to be so nice that I feel myself doubting him. I'm suspicious of his sympathy - it's stupid! Maybe Harry is just genuinely nice? I needn't be so paranoid.

I'm thinking of all this, debating on whether or not to trust Harry, when I see Keegan in the distance. He's stood alone outside a classroom, his mind and his gaze elsewhere.

Does he realise how gorgeous he looks? He's merely stood there, arms folding, eyes glazed over, but he has such an awesome presence. His dark hair falls like charred silk over his forehead, almost hiding his bright brown eyes.

I keep walking, clutching my books to my chest, until I'm moments from passing him. I inhale him, my heart hammering, and try not to close my eyes. His gaze falls onto mine and I give him a nervous smile that could be mistaken for a grimace.

"Hi," I say quietly. It's best to speak quietly, I kid myself, because that way there's an excuse for him to have ignored me.

He doesn't speak, merely nods his head and smiles, that perfect dimple forming in his cheek. I try not to gaze at him for too long and walk away, my heart melting. 

I made the right choice picking Keegan. Logan never made me feel like that!