I live within these four walls
Lights strung around the ceiling, lamp in the corner
Blinds shut, curtains closed.
Mattress covered with blankets and blankets and blankets
My happy place,
It keeps me warm
It keeps me safe
Bookshelf filled to the brim, spilling over
Mixed with the old loves, new flings, and strangers yet to touch
Faint sound of music floating through the room, soft and sweet
Photos and paintings hang on the wall, each with their own story
Some visit,
Drop by, say a few words
Come and go, sometimes it feels in the same instant
They try to pull me away, bring me outside of these four walls
I don't budge- and after a while they stopped trying
Sometimes
Sometimes I wish I could break away
From these four walls
Sometimes I flips through the pages of my stacks and stacks of books, and see the characters come to life before me, greeting me
Sometimes it sounds like a concert, the artist in the corner of my room, playing just for me
Sometimes l look at the pictures on my wall, and I'm inside the picture again, living in that moment, the sights, the sounds, the taste, the smell of it all
My happy place,
It keeps me warm
It keeps me safe
When I do step away from this happy place, out in the world, there is so much life happening around me
The sights the sounds the tastes the smells, there are so many my senses are consumed by them
All around me,
But I'm not living in it
Merely, watching it happen
Sometimes it feels like I'm living in a fishbowl, circling around and around and around
Watching the world around me in perfect clarity, behind the glass
Just like the four walls of my room
They close me in
Keep me from the world out there
My skin pale and cold, no light from the sun seeps through
Suffocated my endless fabric, deafening me
I am trapped, the door locked from the outside
The glass untapped and unbroken
I want out, I want out, I want out
I want to feel the touch of life,
I want to feel the sun on my skin,
I want to see the world in color,
I want to climb, I want to hike,
I want to run, I want to fly,
I want to feel love, I want to feel joy,
I want to see the places from my books,
I want to see the music once floating in my room right in front of me
I want to live, I want to play
I don't want to watch
But what if life
Wants no part of me?
What if I am scorched by the sun?
What if I fall?
What if I am lost, no on there to find me?
What if I am left with hate, and sorrow?
What if the places in my books are not the way they are described?
What if the music I craved deafens me?
What if I am not strong enough to live?
I want my four walls, to save me, protect me
My happy place,
It keeps me safe
It keeps me warm
What am I, if I only live in these four walls?
What am I,
without love, without hate
Without mistakes
There is not life to be lived confined by these four walls, by the glass of a fishbowl
Little by little
I'll open the windows, turn off the tights
I'll tap the glass, until it breaks away
Little by little, I will learn to live
I will learn to love, I will learn to hate
I will learn to get up when I fall, I will find my when when I get lost
I will learn to live despite my fear
I will never forget these four walls,
They will always accept me back, when I do fall, when I do get lost
But then I will get up,
And walk out again,
Feel the sun on my skin, and remember not to get burnt
I will live and I will learn,
But I will never lose my happy place
It keeps me safe
It keeps me warm
It will come with me wherever I go,
It will forever be in my heart, and I will find it in others too
