A letter never sent
Dear Mom,
Mom, I've run into a serious problem here. I always thought the home was meant to be a safety net to those who attempted to go out on their own and perhaps failed. I thought the home was meant to be a place to go to when there's nowhere else to go, that it was a happy place to return to when you're beat and broken by the cruel world.
This means you shouldn't put up fences against your broken child. You shouldn't make it hard and push guilt onto them when they ask for a place to go because there is nowhere else to go. You should accept them as is and give them time to put the pieces back together. Your child doesn't just stumble through the front door to bring things back to the way they were, they stumble through looking for that hug, the warm meal and a place to stay for a while.
When a child moves out and becomes independent you can't expect them to ever be that doughy eyed teenager who you had to provide everything for, who had no idea how to be on their own and relied solely on you. That child is gone, that child died when his room was cleared out and his entire life passed through that door, possibly never to return again.
You can't expect that child to just decide one day to come back and resume things to the way they were as if he never left. You can't expect anything of him. That kid is broken and wants a place to mope it out. There's nothing worse than throwing salt in his eyes by making unrealistic demands. Yes, I may be sounding childish here, but you've got to understand, I've been living on my own for two years, providing for myself, cleaning up after myself, buying supplies and clothes for myself, acquiring my own possessions and doing things my way. To dare demand of me to do your dirty work as a payment to your "allowing me" to exist in your house is like spiting at everything I've tried to do to break myself away from you.
I've seen this mistake several times and not with just me. I had a friend who left the military early and wanted to go home after having nowhere else to go. He lasted three weeks before his mother forced him out by trying to give him the chores he used to do when he was twelve. Do you know how belittling that is? Do you know much of an insult that is? "You live in my house so you have to do the dishes, set the table, do the laundry, mow the lawn..." Fuck you, I'm not a child anymore, I'm not your little highschooler anymore. I grew up and you have to respect that. You have to understand I'm an adult now and to scrutinize me with petty demands to better your life is a disgrace.
It's like I'm trying to fall back to a safety net of my home, my last resort, and you lace that safety net with razor blades and poison ivy. So no, I won't mow the lawn, I won't clean the pool, I won't do the dishes for 12 people, I'm not going to do laundry for the entire family or vacuum an eight bedroom two story house twice a week for you. I'm not going to take the kids to three different schools in the morning and I'm not going to be your live-in servant. Show some respect, and don't destroy what little dignity I have left.
-Your Son
