I'm Ambar. And I don't talk much about what I feel or think, for the simple fact that whenever I do, everyone brushes me or it off.
They give me a 5 cent advice.
They could care less.
They care less that what it shows.
So that's why, I never tell anyone that I need money to get home.
That I need paper to write my notes.
That I'm about to break down, crying.
That I feel my life as just one big giant rock.
That sometimes I don't even want to go home.
That sometimes, I am truly dying.
Sometimes I wish I could lock my feelings into one box.
A lot of times I feel SO alone!
Sometimes I can't take it all,
and I have to lie about my life so they don't say nothing at all.
Sometimes I want to just move away,
because I'd know that my life like that would be so much easier.
But there's always hopes that somehow I'll win this battle.
This little battle that is against everything I feel.
Against everything I want.
Everything I need.
And my enemy is my faith.
But it's a good enemy.
Right now I feel like its doing more bad than good.
But don't worry a pretty giant Being,
told me:
That He was going to change my parents.
And that He'd give me EVERYTHING I never had.
My faith is in Him.
That's the only thing that's keeping me away from sin.
No Alchohol. No drugs. No sex.
Because one mistake could ruin everything, that is in His plans.
Or do something that I'd regret later on.
That's why my faith is the perfect enemy.
It's what keeps me going & makes me not give up.
I hope for the day that I'd be happy again ~
