The Toothfairy -- an excuse for dilenquency
Aielyn woke up as soon as night had completely fallen as she always did, no matter how long she had been up the day before.
*** (cue favorite flashback music) ***
Centuries back, she had tried to resist her tooth-collecting nature by challenging all-comers (more often then not trolls and ogres) to drinking contests.
That was a in time of magic (clearly), where fairies mixed with other fantastic beings, even their creators. It was also a time of unimaginable debauchery, so most of the magic happened at bars or other similar watering holes. This combination in effect … watered down the type of magic that actually happened, sadly (which is why most of the magical beings are no longer with us today. [True fact]). Actually, full disclosure, Aielyn was ‘created’ in a bar very similar to the ones she frequented. Her creator, an asshole of a centaur, took a dare that he could not create an entirely useless being that humanity would believe in longer than all of them (for, as we all should know, magic is only possible with the absolute belief of human beings). By ‘creating,’ I mean, he... well. You know. Yes, ‘old-god’ like with a very old-god-like amount. Apparently if magical beings waited long enough (but not too long where it dried out), they breath life into... it. Anyway, such was Aielyn’s unlikely becoming. Her creator did win his bet (for now magical beings are relegated to the magical realm of imagination but his toothfairy still flits between the imaginative realm and ours) although it took eons for his wager to bear fruit. And, at which point no one cared and fewer remembered its actually origin. The fact that he claimed to be the toothfairy’s creator was legend. And I use “legend” in the current sense of “hugely entertaining.” For, at least once a month the centaur would get absolutely pissed-drunk and go on about his own feats. And, at least once every second month, the story of Aielyn’s becoming would be reenacted (not-so-oddly co-inciding with the times her and her creator would frequent the same bar). The tired old centaur would whip out an equally tired old cock and tell the tale of how it spawned one of the very few remaining beings that could move between their (current) world and ours.
I guess it is no wonder that Aielyn drank as much as she did.
So, where were we. Oh, yes, the drinking contests. Of course, based on size differentials she almost always came in last as she was a mere 3 inches, where trolls could reach heights of 4 feet and ogres double that. She did her best to win though, in her first sets of rebellious years, and would often protest when they cut her off, claiming to have actually won.
“Fug you,” she would slur giving them the finger (which most of the drunken trolls would have to squint to even see at this point in time, muttering angrily upon processing her tiny offense). “Broporshn.. brop... booOOORRR,” she would burp and wipe off any liquid that had oozed out of her mouth off her face. “PROPorshunally,” she would articulate, “proPORshunally, I drank more than alllll you mumfuckrrrzz.”
At that point she would lose both the trolls and ogres and not because of her offensive behavior -- they had no concept of “proportions,” well articulated or not. Further, more often then not, once she had brought up the concept of proportions, she would take it upon herself to educate them on this topic. Equally as often, she gave this speech to their backs as they turned to more bawdy discourse.
“ProPORshunal means... it means you’re.... fuck’t, haHA.” She said to their backs, grabbing her crotch in a most un-fairy-like manner. “No, no, no, you ignoramushuz. It means, you’re bigger so you drink bigger drinks! Me finishing two of your fuckin pints is... a-fuckING-mazing! I’m a drinking goddEHH -- EEHH --” she vomited into one of the ogre’s pints, falling back onto her bum, arms braced behind herself as she took deep breaths, trying to regain equilibrium to finish her soliloquy. She opened her mouth in a lobsided, drooling mess (meant as a ‘got you’ smile) as the unsuspecting ogre took a swig of his pint, eyeballed his mug, then downed the rest and crashed the mug back on the table, narrowly missing Aeilyn’s feet.
