For Your Eyes Only (Camren)

One

LAUREN

"I so do not want to be here," I said to my reflection in the bathroom mirror. I'd snuck away from the raucous crowd down the hall for a few minutes of peace and quiet. The party was in full swing, but then again it wasn't every day someone crossed the threshold of three-O.

I'm an introvert and I don't do parties. But Normani was my BFF and when she decided to throw herself a "Hawaii Three-O" themed birthday party, I couldn't not come. She assured me there was nothing I needed to do, but as her BFF, I took my role seriously, which, tonight, meant making sure she had a good time.

I'd kept an eye on her for most of the evening, but it was eleven thirty and there was no sign the festivities were anywhere near winding down. It was Saturday, so I couldn't blame the dozen ladies in the living room for having their fun, but I had a half-marathon to run in the morning and my start time was seven thirty. It was going to be a short night and a very long run.

I splashed cold water on my face and patted it dry with a thick hand towel folded neatly on the counter. Normani had good taste in home décor and had not scrimped on towels for the guest bathroom. I would know; she dragged me along one day to every store in a ten-mile radius to buy them as well as several sets of sheets. I'd had a boatload of work to do, my normal weekend activity, but Normani had hauled me out of my house nonetheless. She rarely took no for an answer.

I double-checked that my shirt was still tucked in. One side had come untucked from the monster hug Normani gave me when I walked in her front door, and I'd immediately felt completely disheveled. I'm a stickler, if not a little compulsive about my clothes. Being a female chief financial officer was hard enough, but having shoulder-length brown hair, green eyes and being an out lesbian added to the challenges of being taken seriously. I needed every advantage I could get. Whoever said we've come a long way, baby, didn't have my seat in my boardroom.

No one has confidence in their CFO if she is frazzled and doesn't have complete control over everything, including her life. I had complete control of my appearance, which was always flawless. It was also my shield of armor. I'd taken advice from an instructor in grad school to heart. As a result, my car was washed every Sunday, my hair trimmed every eight weeks, and my clothes perfectly tailored to fit my five-foot-four-inch frame. Tonight wasn't a work event, but I still maintained my standards.

Several weeks ago, Normani informed me, in her absolute candor, that I'd turned into a stick in the mud. Maybe she was right.I've always been reserved and cautious, but I'd worked hard to come out of my shell. I had a few friends and went out when invited. Some nights, I didn't stay long. Tonight was one of those where I'd leave much later than I wanted to.

"Lauren, what are you doing? You got a girl in there?" It was Normani.

I took a deep breath and opened the door. She peered around me, looking for any sign of the girl she accused me of having inside. Hoped was probably a better word. She'd been after me forever to get a girlfriend.

"Lauren?" she repeated. "You've been in here a long time."

"I didn't know you were bathroom monitor along with the birthday girl," I said, maybe a bit too sarcastically judging by the look on Normani's face when I stepped out.

"I know this isn't your thing, but I love you for coming." She kissed me on the cheek and hugged me, which also was not my thing. I tried not to stiffen in response.

To say I'm cold is a bit much, but I'm not big on PDA or even Private DA. My family didn't show much affection, so I'm not used to it or comfortable with it. Makes it kind of tough with a girlfriend, but I haven't had many of those either. I used to think there was something wrong with me, a comment echoed by several women I dated. I feel things—inside—I just have a hard time showing them. I want to touch someone, hold their hand, but I just can't. Freud could have a field day with that if he were still alive.