Living with the Baker Boys

Crumbling World

Do you ever wake up and wish you didn't? Welcome to my world where my dreams are better than my reality. Its been 6 months since my mother died, 6 long months and it hasn't gotten easier. The first few months were the hardest it was like I couldn't catch a breath, like my world was falling apart and there was nothing I could do to stop it and my dad? he was no help he drowned his feeling in a Jack Daniels bottle, we never had it easy but we always made it work.

As I unwillingly get out of bed the smell of pancakes engulf me witch was a strange smell in this house. Wanting to know where the smell was coming from I made my way down stairs and into the kitchen where I seen my dad hovering over the stove. " Dad? Is everything okay?" I asked as I took a seat at the table "Everything is perfect. Can a father not make breakfast for his daughter on the first day of the summer holidays?" I looked up from my phone "I guess you can but the summer holidays mean nothing here in Ireland dad you know that" laughing he placed a big plate of pancakes on the table, "true but I want to talk to you about something" "go ahead" I listen as I stuff pancakes into my mouth "well I found a job" I froze dads been looking for a jobs for years but couldn't find one because of his small criminal record he got in his twenties, "that's great dad, where?" "well that's the thing its in Alaska" "so were moving?" "Not exactly" this made me look up "you see I was offered a job on an oil rig and when I'm not on the rig ill be house shearing with 5 other men, I cant bring you with me".

Wait what did I just hear? I cant go with him? "but I have a plan, do you remember Mr & Mrs Baker?" "of course I do they were always around when I was little with there sons and ten they moved" "yes well you will be living with them for a wile just until I get on my feet and can afford to get a place of my own so you'll be living with them in America" "WHAT?? Your shipping me off half way across the world to live with people that I hardly know how does that make sense" "Look Alix I know its not practical but that is my only option I cant leave you here by yourself that's even less practical" I could see the sadness in his eyes so I didn't want to push it anymore than I had. I looked up at him holding the tears back in my eyes "so when do I leave?"... "Tomorrow, Mr Baker is in Dublin on a business trip he's leaving tomorrow so you can travel with him, I know its soon but I have to leave next week and it wont be long before I can move you up there with me and we can start our new life together I promise" he had sadness in his eyes as he spoke to me "yeah well your promises haven't meant much in the past" is what I wish I said to him but I just got up and left, I walked straight out the front door and I walked and walked and walked until I couldn't walk any more.

After what felt like forever I found myself at my mothers graveside, I pulled my songbook out and start singing to her. Singing use to be my passion before my mam died she use to love to listen to me she said she could listen to my voice forever, but I never wanted to be a singer I love photography I even applied to a photography school but that dream wont be coming true now I guess seeing as I'm leaving tomorrow "I don't know what to do anymore mom, I know he's m das but I will never forgive him for this he is taking me away from everything he's taking me away from you".

I sat there for hours until the sun went down and it started to get cold and I decided to make my way back home. When I reached the house it was in darkness wicth was strange because it was only 8pm dad usualy sits in the sitting room for a while watching old movies. Letting myself in I scaned the room and didn't see him, maybe he went to bed early, silently sneaking up the stairs so I don't wake him I creep into my room and close the door. Standing there I scan my room it wasn't anything amazing just a bed, a desk with a laptop, a rail in the corner for my clothes and under the bed hidden away from my eyes was my moms guitar and I has been there since she died I couldn't bring myself to play it, it holds to many memories for me. I quickly change into my pyjamas and get into my bed ,I'll face the world and my problems in the morning.