Don't Lie.

The First Time.

I groan as his hand covered in a leather glove slaps my face. "Cynthia, you never get smart with your father. You know that! What the fuck is your problem!?"As he shouts tears roll down my cheeks. He starts undoing his belt and spits in my face. He's drunk. An idiot who couldn't experience the best wonders of life. He let it take a toll on him. 'My father was a good man.',I think to myself. The day my mother left him is the day he shut down completely. As a human, he let his worst fears and thoughts take the best of him. This is the first time I had ever been this emotionally abused by him. He's crying in front of me, his tears landing on my face. His emotional sobs. I slowly back away from underneath him and his slowly loosening grasp on my wrist. "Pa, it's going to be okay." I whisper as I lean against the wooden molding wall. "Nothing in life is meant to be perfect. Stand up, listen. I need you to calm down. Ma wouldn't want to see you like this. Hell, even I don't!" I shout calmly. His blue eyes focus on my brown ones. They show guilt and sadness. He swallows hard and looks back down at his belt. "I'm sorry, honey. Go to your room now. I'll beat you if you don't." He whispers without looking up. "I-I thought we g-" I say is mid sentence. "NOW!!" He shouts standing up throwing the vase beside him at me. I duck just in time and it hits the wall and the glass shatters.

I immediately run up the carpeted stairs. My heart pounds in my chest along with every movement I make. I slam my door and scream. I sink down onto the floor a stare up at my black bedroom walls. Mom and I painted those. I had the opportunity to change the color, but I never would dream of doing that. I sigh,"Mom, where are you?" I think out loud. I stare around my room a bit, day dreaming about what life could be.'Life is gets better, you just have to wait.' I remember that quote like my favorite song lyric. Mom always said that to me when I was a kid. Sure, I'm still waiting for that day, but I believe it will come.

I bite my lip hard with my front teeth. I moan as I tear the skin and tasting the blood. Pain is like my life. It always takes my mind off of things. I stare at the picturesque on my wall. My best friend and I were unbreakable. We had an infinity while it lasted. Now, it's like I don't even exist. His name is Ashton, Ashton Irwin. I heard he was in a band, but I don't know the name. When I go to school, it's all the girls talk about. Him. It's like he was mine but now he's theirs. That's why I hate everyone. When something is mine, it's mine. I remember the late night cuddles we used to have, the warm romantic hugs, the laughs we shared. It's like we are nothing anymore. Ashes burned to the ground. I still remember the last hug, the last kiss on the cheek, the last and final words. "I love you." he says. Those words are non forgetting. Those words saved my life.

I sigh and slowly walk up to my twin bed and lay on it, staring into mid space. Thoughts of everything come into my mind. Ashton, suicide, mom, dad. It's like God put some curse on me to live this life. Life is supposed to be amazing and you can lead it your own way. I've never thought I would lead my life this way. This is all my fault. I control my life. Not them. I flinch as I hear a single gun shot go off. I gasp and feel my throat tighten. "Dad! Dad!" I shout as I run down the stairs and into the living room where he was last. His body lays there motionless. His blue eyes weak and emotionless. Blood gushes out from his chest. I rush to his side. "Dad! No! Stay with me. Stay with me please. I'm going to get you help!" I shout taking off my shirt and warping it around the wound. He opens his mouth slowly, "Cynthia, t-that guy y-you like. Concert tickets f-for him in m-my top drawer." he whispers weakly. I stare down at him. "There's not time for that dad! You're the only thing I have left!" I run into the kitchen to get the house phone. It's not there. I scream at the top of my lungs then run back to my dad's side. Tears roll down my cheek and blood covers me hands. "Dad! Stay right here!" I shout. His eyes slowly close. "God dammit! Dad!" I shout. "I l-love you!" His eyes close shut. His skin begins to pale. I put my hand on his pulse by his neck and feel a slow beat. "Dad!" I cry out. "Ashton!" He's all I need right now. I can't handle this. I'm only 18 and now an orphan! Ashton said he would be here! He's the only one who promised he would stay! I'm going to that concert! For dad and for the same of my life. I cry into my dad's chest remembering all of the beautiful moments we had as a daughter and father relationship. The front door is kicked open. The paramedics rush in. "He has a weak pulse." I whisper to a male paramedic with blonde hair and beautiful eyes. Kind of like Ashton. "Hun." says a lady,"Come with us. We are going to the hospital."

-myaaortizzbae