Pinstripes & Mr. Dimples

"Evil isn't a title I bandy about casually, Jack" the Doctor said absently. Jack bounded forward the few steps necessary to catch up with the Time Lord, and keep pace. The pair had left civilization - such as it was - behind some 15 minutes earlier. Now their footsteps were echoed by the sound of brittle autumn leaves crunching. "I've found that most things in the universe are neither good nor evil; most creatures are simply trying to survive, either individually or as a species." The expression on the Doctor's face was a mixture of horror, grief and rage.

"However, I can't make that distinction in this case. You've had first-hand experience with these creatures, Jack. You know what they've cost me - and you. I can't think of anything more appropriate to call them. If anything in the universe deserves to be called 'evil', it's these metal monstrosities."

Jack felt again the gut wrenching pain of Satellite 5, and all the lonely years that followed. As he started to speak, though, something tapped him on the shoulder.

"You gents might wanna stop right there," a female voice said from just above Jack's head. He was already moving before the last word was finished, starting to spin and reach for his holstered blaster, but his actions were halted by one sharp, metallic poke to the side of his head.

"Don't," the mysterious woman said sharply. "Both of you turn around nice and slow, keep your hands visible This doesn't have to en d up with anybody getting hurt, but my husband is out there watching us. If he thinks you're a threat I can't handle, he won't hesitate to end you. Either of you."

Slowly raising his hands out from his pockets so it was obvious they were empty, Jack completed the turn, disgusted with himself that anyone had so easily gotten the drop on him. He found himself staring into the barrel of an old-fashioned slug throwing rifle - large caliber and lethal - and no one standing behind him. The Doctor bounced up beside him, and peered up into the tree above them.

"'Allo!" he exclaimed, smiling brightly. "Who are you? And why are you up there? I'm the Doctor, by the way."

Following his gaze, Jack found himself Looking up at a dark-haired female, approximately late 30s, sitting on a low tree branch and holding what looked to be a .308 hunting rifle on him. She was dressed in a shirt and slacks of mottled browns and greens, which blended well with the coloring of the autumn leaves. Her eyes were bright brown, alert and intelligent, her face lightly tanned. She nodded politely to the Doctor's greeting, and shifted her focus back to Jack.

"And you would be?" she prompted.

Jack gave her his most charming smile. "I would be very pleased to get to know you better," he said, modulating his tones to be as suggestive and flirtatious as possible. "Captain Jack Harkness, at your service. Whatever service I can do."

The woman - apparently human - studied him for a few more seconds. "Ah-huh," she finally said, her voice positively dripping with disdain. "Sadly, I'll just bet that works for you quite a bit, doesn't it? No offense, Mr. Dimples," and she visually scanned him from head to toe, "but you're a little on the puny side for my tastes."

Jack could feel his mouth fall open in shock - he'd never been dismissed so off-hand before. It was the smothered, choking snort from beside him that snapped him out of his temporary paralysis. He whipped around to see the Doctor biting his lips closed to smother a noise that was making his entire body shake from suppressing it - but his eyes were obviously dancing with mirth. Jack scowled, and glared at him.

The look was too much for the Doctor. He erupted in peals of laughter. "Puny!" he laughed. "Perhaps I should throw you back!"

"Oh, shut it," Jack grumbled.