Chapter 1: Seagull terror

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Shrek awakened, to the abhorrent sound of seagulls being trampled by a short donkey.

He groaned. His eyes were bloodshot, his palms were sweaty...Truly, this was the effect of..

His mom's spaghetti.

Wading through the muck of the swamp, Shrek finally reached a point where he was able to relieve himself in peace.

Well, that's what he thought, at least.

Suddenly, a seagull that had escaped from the hooves of the short donkey, swooped up into Shrek's prodominant anus.

He shrieked to the tone of All star, and fell straight into the depths of some murky swamp water.

Disorientated, and in pain, he cried for help.

That's when a man dressed in all black turned up, smoking something undescribable.

It couldn't be..

It had to be..!

T'WAS KANYE!!

He had recently returned from his trip to New York, and was still wearing his kxenky spandex.

"Hey, shrekko, you votin' Trump???"

Shrek didn't want to vote Trump, but he would have said anything in order to stop this Seagull getting further up his anus.

"YES KANYE- TRUMP IS GREAT AHAHAH---"

"That's great. Bye."

Kanye left, leaving Shrek in the murky water.

He cried, feeling cheated by his old friend Kanye..

What had overcome him??

Kanye was such a great friend...

That didn't matter now. Shrek was floating, out of the murky water.

His consciousness was fading, as he floated up into the clouds.

His arse was flapping, and he wondered why...

The seagull was flapping it's wings desperately. It squealed and cried, until it was finally..

set free!!11!!1!!!1!1!

As the seagull left Shrek, it flew up and caressed his weave.

Shrek fell back into the depths, and just lay there, in shock and horror..

He realised..

Not only had his weave been caressed..

it was snatched.


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