Always - Kim Namjoon Centric

When They Stopped Caring,

Kim Namjoon. Rap Monster.

That's what they called him. That's what the world, the industry, the fans, the company, that's what everyone called him.

But not his pack mates. They never called him that. He was Joonie, leader-nim, Joon-ah, hyung; everything sweet for them. Until they stopped. When did that happen? He didn't know. How did it happen? He didn't know. At least why it happened? No, He didn't know.

It just did, just like how Seokjin stopped coming to Namjoon to drag him out of his studio. Just like how Taehyung stopped inviting him to watch movies and cuddle. Just like how Jungkook stopped coming to him when he had nightmares. Just like how Hoseok stopped approaching him when the internet comments got too much. Just like how Jimin ignored him when he asked if he had eaten. Just like how Yoongi stopped coming to the rooftop where they used to meet every day since their trainee days at sunset and spoke to each other about literally nothing and everything. Just like how he had drifted away from his pack in a blink of an eye.

No, it wasn't in a blink. He had foreseen it. He had been sure there was something wrong. He spoke to Seokjin about it, who as his pack alpha, had shrugged his words. Namjoon had been confused, why did Seokjin not take his words, the leader's words, seriously. It might've seemed like just paranoia, Namjoon saying that there was something wrong and it seemed that after Jungkook's becoming alpha everything had changed. But Namjoon had been sure it had.

Until he noticed it was just for him. It was just the way they treated Namjoon that had changed. It was only from Namjoon they had grown distanced. Seokjin still came to drag Yoongi out of his studio. Taehyung still invited everyone else for cuddles and movies. Jungkook still went to Hoseok, Yoongi, and Seokjin after nightmares. Hoseok still ran to Yoongi whom he had known just as long as Namjoon for comfort. Jimin always answered the other members when they asked him if he ate. Yoongi still visited the park regularly with Hoseok just like he had done back when they were trainees. He was the only one excluded.

It wasn't that the others didn't talk to him altogether. They spoke to him at practice, At the dorm, or the Pack house as they liked to call it. Asked him how the song was working; How much of the dance he had learned; If he had eaten; If he would like to sleep with them in the nest. But the way they asked, God; it would've been better they not ask at all if they had to ask it in such a shrugging and carefree manner. Families worked that way, he tried to assure himself. Someone could not say soothing and sweet, cheesy words all the time. But at least sometimes they could. But no, not to Namjoon. Never to Namjoon.

He didn't even remember the last time they checked up on him during his heat. Or the last time he was with the members during Seokjin's, Jungkook's, Yoongi's, and Jimin's rut. Even Hoseok who was the only other Omega beside him didn't ask about him. The only beta, Taehyung, sometimes asked him when his heat was occurring; but he didn't have to if he was going to forget it.

Namjoon spent his heat at the studio, at the dorm when everyone was gone, at a hotel, anywhere where he was alone honestly. He would writhe, groan, cry, scream, beg, faint, shout, and hope, all alone.

Every single time, All alone.

After his third time during his heat when no one was with him, he had realized it. He didn't matter in the pack. In BTS; the boy group, he might. But not in BTS, the pack.

Namjoon lost it. He slept with them in the same nest sometimes. He lived with them in the same dorm. He worked at the same place with them. He even breathed in the same air.

But he felt distant. He shouldn't have, but he did. He had tried so hard to make his own desires go away. He wanted to be the perfect leader. In his race to be strong and manly like the rest of the industry's leaders, he had ignored the Omega in him, ignored who he really was. Now they didn't want him.

Somewhere during his battle, He had written the most painful song of his life.

"Always"

He had recorded it. He had re-played it and fixed its imperfections. But never posted it.

He was a coward like that.

Namjoon blinked, coming to reality. His heat was catching up with him, suppressants worked only for so long. He knelt down, the room that wasn't frequently used by Taehyung and him was spinning. He was in pain. It was the first time, his heat with the others here at home. It also coincided with Hoseok's.

How unfortunate.

He knew he was leaking of hormones. He waited for the others to dash into his room, to help him. If not because they loved him, then at least by instinct.

None of them came.

That realization hit him like a truck. The pain of his heat seemed lesser than the pain in his heart, and then on his neck. The pain in his neck started after the realization, and now it had been two whole minutes of the pain. And twenty whole minutes since his heat started. But the pain of heat was suddenly gone when the pain of his neck quieted down. He blinked, trying to calm the tears and sniffs of his self.

He had been lying in the same position at the foot of the bed for thirty minutes now. He made way and got up, starting to make way towards the bathroom. Confused, and completely dazed from the pain, he opened the door of the bathroom and made his way towards the sink.

He washed his face, taking deep breaths and looked into the mirror, looked at his reflection. Tilting his head, he tried to see why the mark had hurt so much. Until he realized, taking a deep breath in horror. Fresh tears alined in his eyes. Everything shattered, it was all over, he was ripped. Ripped from the pack.

The mark was no longer there.

The bond had been broken.

By himself.

He ran out of the bathroom to the nest where everyone was there. Normally the scene would've aroused him, but now he looked in horror as everyone was busy sexually with each other. No one noticed his bond gone from themselves. He blinked.

They didn't know.

They didn't care.

Not even Seokjin, Who should have felt it like a truck when the bond broke.

They didn't care.

He turned around and left running. Tears cascading down his cheeks as he ran barefoot outside into the lonely night. But it wasn't lonelier then he felt.

It wasn't tired like him.

It wasn't hurt like him.

Where was his Fairytale?

Where was his Always?

Namjoon spent so much time proving himself to be enough that he didn't even notice them not being his pack. Not caring. Thankfully, his Omega did. It broke away the toxicity that was the bond.

Namjoon made a decision under the moonlit sky. They didn't care, so he won't either.