The Misadventures of Charlotte Holmes

Bored... AGAIN!!!

Well, money's in and no more cases so far. Now, I'm bored AGAIN!!!! I'm lying on the floor face down while groaning and grunting. "What's up with you?" Alice asked. "I'M BORED, ALICE!" I answered. She shrugged and went back to watching her favourite show on Netflix. I lazily rolled over and spread my arms and stared at the ceiling. Then I saw a small spider making itself a web at the corner. "Alice," I said, "look at the corner on the ceiling." She looked up at where I pointed and she screamed loud enough to potentially break your ear drums. I grinned and laughed at her fear. She ran into her room and came back with insect spray. The insecticide was sprayed directly at the direction at the spider and the poor creature fell to its death. She looked at me with her pale face and gave me a gesture asking me to dispose of it. I shook my head and lied back down. Soon enough, guess who came by? That's right, Mrs. Henchick! I swear if I'm a host of  TV show, I'd be asking her to come in like how they usually do. "What is it now? It's you both are swearing and yelling at each other or one of you is screaming like a child!" she said in a frustrated tone. 

"Mrs. Henchick, it's quite clear that Alice could just throw the dead spider away by herself by using a piece of tissue or kitchen towel and put it in the fucking TRASH CAN!" I shouted at Alice. 

"I'm very sure that you know that I have arachniphobia which is the fear of FUCKING SPIDERS!" she shouted back at me.

"Both of you just stop it!" Mrs. Henchick shouted louder than both of us to stop us. "Who started this fuss first?" Alice pointed at me and I bent my head back on the floor. Why are we acting like children now? It's a good that Mrs. Henchick just shook her head and walked away. I stayed on the floor. Before I get up Alice threw a pillow at me and hit my chest. More accurately, my breasts. Literally, it hurts like hell. It was as if a grapefruit being squeezed very, very hard. I grunted in pain and rolled over to my side. That's not helping in any way. She stomped off to her room and left me there. Perfect, just perfect. So much for Doctor! I got up on my feet and realised it's already 12 noon and I'm not bathed yet. Yup, I'm a sloppy, disgusting person but you just can't help it when you need me for help. 

***

The ring of my phone interrupted the song that played my favourite Green Day song while I was in the shower. "Hello?" I answered while trying to get my hair out of the way. Having curly hair is tiring. "Hello, is this Detective Charlotte Holmes?" the caller asked me. A young lady. "Speaking," I answered. "Hi, I'm Mari Kape and I'm wondering if I can stop by your place for a while because I think I have a case for you," she said. I was twisting my body in all ways I could because that's what I do whenever I'm happy and excited. "Yeah, sure. What time are you coming?" I asked. 

"Um, maybe around 5? If it's not too late for you," she answered. 

"Oh no, anytime is fine. 5 is perfect,"

"Alright, I'll be there."

The call ended and I feel like Archimedes when he found out how to measure volume of an object. If I could, I would want to run through Baker Street while screaming "I GOT A CASE!" down the road but I'm not so senseless and stupid to do that. I got dressed and Alice was in a crouching postion on the floor with her knees to her chest. "Cramps?" I asked. She just grunted in reply. Well, that explained why she has been in foul mood for quite some time. The day finally came and things will get worse. I opened my refrigerator and searched for my emergency stash of chocolates and got one for Alice. "Al, do you like milk chocolate, dark chocolate, hazelnut, almond, white chocolate, cookies and cream or kinder bueno?" I asked. "Dark," she answered.

"Have you taken your pain killers yet?"

"Yup. Why are you suddenly so nice?"

"I'd rather be nice to you in a day like this rather than infuriate you with my usual bitchy self. Here, have chocolate. It helps the pain a little."

She took it and ate it, literally devouring it while I stare out the window for entertainment. Alice came crawling to me and hugged my leg like a child. "What else?" I asked. "I don't know why I need a hug,"  she said. I ignored her and continued to look out the window. 

She always come along Baker St. for a run. Training for a marathon, obviously. Ah, the supplier truck. More apples, I see. Oh, and the occasional bananas. Maybe I should check my calendar.

I moved from the window to my desk nearby and picked up my calendar. Well, since Alice got her's already mine should be around.... two weeks later. Time to stock up food, chocolate and pads. As I was walking aimlessly around the room Alice hugged me from behind. I pushed her away but she won't move. I just gave in and wanted to sit down while waiting for my client. SITTING DOWN! THAT'S IT! I sat on my favourite armchair and Alice finally got off me. "You're not a very good hugger," she stated. "Well, nobody wanted to hug me," I said. 

***

It's already a quarter to six and my client's not here yet. I took out Sherlock's journal to check whether it's normal but I found nothing. I tracked down my client with my laptop and her last location was on the pavement on the way to Baker Street. It stopped. She's not moving anywhere. I observed for about ten minutes and again, nothing. Usually, humans decide within five minutes longest. I got my coat and went to where my client's location. "Where are you going?" Alice asked. "To look for my client. She should've arrived here an hour ago," I answered. "I'm coming with you," she said.

***

We walked as fast as we could and arrived at Mari's location to find her dead. My client's dead before she reached me.