Letters to my Best Friend

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Dear Zoe,

I know you did this a long time ago, but I was just reading your letter today and I felt the overwhelming impulse to write you one back.

So let's start from where you left off?

We did end up in the same college, we have different classes but at least we're in the same place. You did end up taking medical. I know you hate it most times but then again I think you like studying science too. You just want to prove to your family that you can do this and I support you.

You were also right about the drifting away part. It didn't happen this summer or the last month of college or when were preparing for exams. It happened gradually over the year; in small bits and pieces that we didn't feel until it left a hole in our friendship.

It doesn't change most things. I still know you better than anyone else. I can still read your eyes and know something's up. I can feel by the way you message me that you're bothered about something.

But it certainly does put an emphasis on some things. Like the fact that you don't really know me. I'm sorry for saying this but its true. All the time that we've properly known each other, I've been trying to be your rock. And sometimes that just overshadowed the fact that I have feelings too.

I don't mind that, I honestly don't. Its not like I'm a complete stranger to you; you do know different shades of me, but not as a whole entity.

Today you messaged me, 'I have my way and you have yours.'

To say this doesn't hurt me would be completely a lie. I know you've changed and I know you think what we did in the past is stupid and wrong. Trust me, I know too.

But rubbing that in my face and basically telling me that I'm no good does hit a nerve I didn't know I had.

And it doesn't hurt because you're right. It hurts because I feel like its you telling me I'm not the type of person you want to hang out with.

Do you remember last winter or maybe the one before that, I think, we were getting hot chocolate with our brothers from that place across my home? When your brother said, "I don't want you to hang out with my sister."

Do you remember how furious I was? You told me he was just messing with me but I was livid. It does brother me when people think I'm taking you down with me. (Could you consolidate me and tell me that its not true?)

As much as I hate to admit it; we've drifted apart. Don't even bother denying it. I can feel it in my bones.

You've changed for the better and I'm happy for you. I'm so glad that you feel happy and content with yourself. I've supported everything that you've ever wanted to do. I've stood by you whenever you needed me. I've encouraged you to believe at every step of the way. And it literally kills me when you say I don't support you.

I'm not being snobby or snooty or 'counting my favours' because these weren't favours. I was doing this as much for myself as much I was doing this for you. So please don't take this the wrong way.

We're so similar yet poles apart. Maybe I did ruin a couple of things for you with my bad choices. I'm really really sorry about that. Maybe I am no good for you now that you see it for yourself.

Its our last year at this college together. Then you'd be going to med school or wherever life takes you and I'll be doing something elsewhere.

And then the big distance and all the loose ties start snapping and we'll become almost like strangers again. I know you don't want to believe it(maybe you do) but we won't be this close. Or how close we used to be. If you feel like contradicting me, just ask yourself: how many friends from previous schools are you still close with?

I know we're family so it'll be different but look how it is now. I don't come over that often and neither do you. Eventually we'll be caught up with life and forget about all this.

I don't know why I'm writing this, probably because I'm a little bothered and confused and emotional because... girly stuff. Also because I needed to get this off my chest and I don't know how else to.

I love you, even when you cease to.

Aimen.