Be More Chill- How to Save a Life

Mr. Night Sky

WARNINGS: Drug Usage (Weed); Swearing (Swearing Warning Will Likely Go For Entire Story)
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Author's note: I don't know jack shit about Tagalog other than what I've learned from a few Google searches, so please let me know if I put something wrong so I can fix it! I would greatly appreciate it. ('∀')
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Sun is shinin' in the sky
There ain't a cloud in sight
It's stopped rainin', everybody's in a play
And don't you know
It's a beautiful new day
Hey, hey

The music blaring from my phone and through the PT Cruiser's speakers is completely unmatched with the atmosphere I've built for myself on these nighttimes drives, but I'm too focused on the road ahead to do anything about it. I make zero effort to change the radio from Electric Light Orchestra's pleasing tune and opt to keep my hands planted at ten and two, but that doesn't mean the upbeat lyrics and instrumentals aren't bugging me. It's not that I don't like what's playing; it's on my main playlist for fuck's sake. It's just too out of place for my liking.

Runnin' down the avenue
See how the sun shines brightly in the sky

Cars and store fronts zoom past, and the lights they cast make the standing water on the road and sidewalk shimmer. Admittedly, it's pretty depressing and looks a lot like what could very well be a murder scene, but it's scenic and fits the mood well enough. It's a lot different from the sunny afternoon being described in the song's lyrics, with Metuchen being on its third day of nonstop rain and the time being almost 8:00 P.M., which is blissfully ironic. It almost makes me laugh and want to point it out to someone who wouldn't have noticed it, but that person is usually...

It was usually Jeremy.

I sigh deeply and fight to ignore that familiar ache in my chest.

On the streets where once was pity
Mr. Blue Sky is living here today
Hey, hey

Two cars ahead and I come to a stop when the light turns red. Instinctively, I run a hand through my already unkempt hair, and my eyes make contact with the Man in the Overhead Mirror just as I grab the steering wheel again. I look like complete ass. My hair is now doubly fucked up and the dark circles under my eyes don't make me look any hotter, not to mention that my eyebrows are furrowed and my eyes are wide. I look like one of those sad puppy dog paintings, but less "Awwww"-inducing and more pathetic. Still, no effort is made to fix it because why would I? People have come to expect it and it's not like me looking any less sleep deprived would impress anyone. But, I dunno. I guess it'd make my moms happy to think things are improving.

Ever since Jeremy disappeared, they've been on my case about self care and putting myself out there, which is well-meaning but too much. I know they do it because they care and don't want me to grow up to be an emotionally stunted adult, but the last thing I want is Mom pressuring me to go to the Valentines Day Dance when all I have the energy to do is lay in bed and binge watch Danny-era Game Grumps.

As bad as it sounds, maybe that's part of why I take these drives: to be alone and without guilt for feeling like shit for a little while.

Mr. Blue Sky, please tell us why
You had to hide away for so long (so long)
Where did we go wrong?

Speaking of parents and feeling like shit, Mr. Heere immediately crosses my mind for the umpteenth time in these past months. If I got screwed up by it all, I can't even begin to imagine how much it had to have destroyed him. But, I wouldn't know; I haven't really talked to him since mid-November.