My contradicting heart

Stop complaining

I know you have a lot of stress

I know your life isn’t full of success

But have you seen what you’ve done to me

While I fight to not cry, with this heavy pressure on my chest?

I try to lift the mood, maybe joke around

But my attempt is instantly drowned

You snap at me like I’ve said something of high disrespect 

Your harsh words make me feel like a reject

Then you have the nerve to ask, “what’s wrong?”

I wanna tell you, but in my mind it sounds like a pathetic song

So the words are stuck in my throat

Until I can rant to somebody and let them keep my sanity afloat

When I’m finished, I read them like a map

The expressions on their face say, “I wonder how long it’ll take this girl to snap”

Honestly, I wonder that too

Because patients is not something I already knew

Its funny how when your not on my mind I’m instantly happy

Going around acting all sappy

I have a burst of energy

Making me dance with a lot of glee

That is just sad

You’re neither a friend nor a lover

You’re family, so I should never feel that anger

I should be excited to feel your warm embrace

But sadly, this is not always the case

There are times when things are alright

But just one action can make that moment take flight

Sometimes I wonder if I’m wearing a mask

When you wonder about me I feel ashamed that you have to ask

I love you with all my heart

Although that feeling is way stronger when we’re apart

Maybe I should just go away

So that love will not leave, but forever stay