Skin to skin,

fog;

it was lost, all of it,

the feeling of being warm whenever he touched me ,his fingertips burning my rose cheeks, his arms wrapping around my waist and creating a sense of comfort became freezing, no warmth, no comfort.

i felt no desire in the relationship yet stayed in it out of fear of being lonely, i liked the attention, he liked the attention, it was an act.
i never believed in love.

until she arrived,
suddenly every word i said around her became incoherent nonsense. how could someone anyone be that perfect, why would anyone that perfect stick around me at least? suddenly all those feelings i lost flooded back like a tsunami of emotions. i wanted to be there for her be everything she wanted and needed, i needed her to be obsessed with me.

'have you got the answer to the third question?' she whispered, i was too busy being overdramatic, i didn't realize we were sitting in the class room "yeah it's c" i muttered in response, i didn't know if it was c but it looked right so i just put it down. "i'm an idiot though so i wouldn't take my word" she giggled, if i had to make a list of noises i love one would be her voice the other would be her talking.

however my voice wouldn't be on that list, she watched the boy walk across the room towards the teacher, her eyes examining every movement, she didn't need to reject me, her eyes said enough. she was obsessed with him, i was simply a background character, someone who won't matter to her in years to come. it hurt but i'm glad i'm not lying to my self.

i thought of the reasons why this was happening to me
1. god hates gays
2. karma
3. we all have to die somehow and this is my way of dying

"he's so hot,"
"i guess, i can't say anything i have a boyfriend,"
"yeah but osiah is perfect!"
"hey what's wrong with jonah."
i never realized how similar they are, both cold, quiet and distant.
"oh nothing! he is yours though, so."

i looked away from her, jonah was on the other side of the room with roman and xavier, roman hates them but still hangs out with them for clout.

i'd consider roman my best friend. he only talks about the guys he likes and how his soccer games go which can get boring, but after knowing him for three years, his stories of getting drunk and dressing up as elton john or stevie nicks, never gets old.

the bell rings and we pack up our shit and leave, roman runs up to me and grabs me by the shoulders,"hey bitch, ive got some news, your deadbeat boyfriend wants to take you on a date this weekend,"

i truly did try my hardest not to roll my eyes.
"again?"
"yes again"
"i can't go-"
"I can go for you,"
"I don't want to go-"
"are you on your period because if so jus-"

" I think i'm in love with lilli."