Bliss strutted down the linoleum hallway of her high school, matching her BFFs step for step. She could almost imagine a breeze brushing wisps of her thick hair away from her face as her entourage strode through the peasant halls of Carlisle High in slow-mo.
Said you want a bad bitch like this
Drop it low and pick it up just like----
"Oof!" Bliss moaned, feeling the air get knocked out of her, the same time a deadly acrylic set of fingernails yanked her earbuds from her ear. "What're you-"
"B! Can you believe it? We're finally upperclassmen!" Keisha squealed excitedly, bouncing up and down. The girls around them caught onto the excitement and started tittering about all the great parties they'd be invited to this year.
Bliss grinned back at her friend, then stared at Keisha's exposed midriff. "What's that?" She asked, pointing.
Keisha looked down at her flimsy crop top. "What, these?" She touched her C-cups, almost endearingly. "My first boob job! You likey?" Then she giggled at Bliss's look of horror. "I'm kidding, I'm sort of scared of boob jobs now after Caylen told me about his aunt who got like so many boob jobs to the point where it wasn't even legal in the States so she had to go to like Cuba or whatever to get even bigger boobs and then I think he said one of her boobs popped in her face during surgery because it was getting to be the size of a mini hot air balloon and she woke up and died from shock." Keisha crossed herself fervently. "Lord may she rest in peace."
Bliss stared. "Oh, uhm..."
"Anyway." Keisha interrupted. "Were you talking about my belly piercing?" She gazed admiringly at the silver glinting from her belly button. "It's a baby now, but just wait a few weeks and I'll be able to upgrade to those sexy dangly ones. Those are sooo hot, I can't wait to get one! I was going to ask you to get it pierced with me but I knew your mom would flip so I brought Emily instead. Don't worry I still lo-" Her iPhone sounded. Keisha's scrambled desperately about her new Louis for her lifeline and her face lit up when she read her new message. "Caylen's coming to school after all! Awh, my boo just pulled into the parking lot Ihavetogobyekisses!" Keisha airkissed each of her friends on their cheeks, slapped Bliss's butt, and vanished into the buzzing first-day-of-school crowd.
Bliss turned to Emily, who was tapping away on her iPhone at a maddening speed. "A belly piercing, huh?" Bliss stated, feeling a little put-out that she hadn't been invited along, even though it was true that her mother would never in a million years allow that sort of "rebellious activity" to occur.
"Yup." Emily confirmed, popping the 'p'. "It hurt like a bitch and my mom told me that I wasn't going to make it into Harvard, which is dumb, because for one who in admissions is gonna see my belly ring unless they stalk my Facebook, and number two, even if they see my belly ring I'm gonna make it in anyways. Duh." She tapped away for a few seconds more and then finally looked up. "So how was your summer? Get any... action?" She winked, then took a closer look at Bliss and frowned. "Baby, why are you crying?"
Bliss gingerly dabbed at the area under her eyes and felt moisture. "Sorry, I'm not crying I swear, I feel like there's something in my eye. I'm gonna go to the bathroom to check it out."
She started through the crowd and Emily immediately latched onto her arm, shouting to the girls behind them, "Let's go ladies! Bathroom break!"
Bliss led the pack to the nearest bathroom, feeling somewhat important for once. Upon arrival, every girl swarmed to the nearest mirror and began to blot their noses, fix their hair, and reapply gloss. Emily's face suddenly appeared in Bliss's line of vision, uncomfortably close. "Open wide!" Emily commanded. Bliss opened her eyes as wide as they would go and felt a few more tears escape. "Oh baby, why did you put on so much mascara?" She tsked, then proceeded to whip a Q-tip from out of nowhere and remove several nasty bits of mascara from Bliss's watery eyeballs.
Bliss bit her lip. "My eyelashes aren't even close to as long as yours, so of course I'm going to try to lengthen them as long as I can." She muttered.
Emily laughed and rolled her crystalline blue orbs. "Oh shut up, don't tell anyone but it's only because I got eyelash extensions last summer." From the sink beside them, Jaclyn gasped.
"You what?"
Emily narrowed her eyes. "Don't you dare tell anyone else." She hissed. "These are au natural."
Jaclyn backed away, almost tripping over her brand new Steve Maddens in her excitement. "No no no, don't worry, au natural au natural." She chanted, then scuttled away to tell her other friends on the other side of the bathroom.
Bliss pouted. "Dude, you told everyone that cutting your eyelashes off made them grow back with a vengeance. And then everyone cut theirs off and it took like five years for them to grow back. Mine still are growing back!"
Emily had the decency to look just a little bit guilty. "Sorry, girly-cat. I just wanted to see what Keisha looked like if she was a naked cat. But obviously Keisha would go and wear fakes for the rest of the summer until hers grew out. Smart girl, never underestimate that one."
The warning bell rang, setting off a collective sigh in the ladies' room.
A cacophony of "what do you have first?" and "oh my god, I have Coach Nichols! I heard he got hotter!" filled the air and Bliss allowed herself to be carried out of the bathroom with her crowd and into the mingling chaos of the main hallway. "B!" Jaclyn barked, digging her fresh manicure into Bliss's arm. "You have Moffet first, right? Don't bother answering, I can't hear you. Let's go!" Bliss felt her arm get wrenched out of her socket.
And thus began her first day of junior year.
YOU ARE READING
Literally, I Cannot Even
Teen FictionBliss is struggling through the pressures of high school. For her, it's tough being the ugly friend who is only mildly smart and can't talk to a boy to save her life. But it's alright, because then comes along a boy who talks to her first.
