Smeagol's Guide to Grammar

Bless us and splash us, precious! Is it Reading?

Sooo bright. Sooo beautiful. Our grammar. AAGGHH!!

What is it, precious? Has it come to read our story? Does it like it?  Is it polite? Is it friendly? Does it need our help, precious?

Shut up! Stupid Smeagol askes too many nasty questionses!

But this is our book, precious! Ours! Ours! Smeagol's!

~~~

Oh, hello there, friend. 

Whilst Smeagol and Gollum duke out who gets to be in charge of this book, I, their secretary, Amdireth, shall be forced to take over and introduce you all to this book.

I'm not sure how you found yourself in these caves, here below the Misty Mountains. As a matter of fact, I'm not sure how I came to be here, either. But, since Smeagol is quite set on writing his book, I fear he will not have the time to guide either of us out. 

Would Gollum help us, you ask? No. He's too busy fighting with Smeagol over whose book this is. I'm sorry. 

Why is Smeagol writing a book on grammar? That is a good question, with quite a story behind the answer. Unfortunately, it is a story I do not know, since Smeagol and Gollum cannot, or will not, agree on what actually happened. 

Oh! They've stopped fighting! Perhaps now we can make some headway in this book.