Desiring Her

CHAPTER 4

CHAPTER 4

BERRY WOKE UP AND her eyes instantly landed on her wrist to see her bleeding wound. Bahagyang kumunot ang noo niya nang makitang may benda na ang pulsuhan na hiniwa niya kagabi.

Did Clara clean her wound and put bandage on it?

Berry sighed and pushed herself to get up from the bed even though her head was pounding mercilessly. Pagkatapos ay pumasok siya sa banyo para maghilamos at mag-ayos ng sarili.

After cleaning herself up, she changed her clothes. Pinili niya ang damit na hindi masyadong revealing. It took her some time to choose because all of the clothes in the closet are revealing.

She was guessing that Cherry owns all the clothes in that closet.

After a long deliberation with herself, she finally chose the simplest dress in the closet she could find – a dress reaching her knees.

Humarap siya sa salamin at tiningnan ang sarili doon. She looked pale and weak. She was like death itself and for a thousand times, she did not care wether she looked presentable or not. Nothing will change. She was still a damage person from the inside and out. Nothing can change that. Nothing.

Berry let out a loud breath and stared at her wrist. Nababalot ng benda ang magkabilang pulsuhan niya. Kung nasa hospital siya ngayon, baka ini-endorse na siya ng doktor sa isang psychiatrist.

Then the psychiatrist would diagnose her with Major Depressive Disorder. Then, a therapist would be given, a therapist who would just sit with a paper and pencil on her hand, who doesn't know shit about her, and would ask her the same questions over and over again.

How do you feel?

Mapait siyang ngumiti. How do I feel?

I feel like I'm in hell every time I wake up. I feel like my life is not worth living. I feel like I am a worthless human being. I don't feel the need to be happy. I don't know the reason why I'm still alive. I feel like everything will only be okay when I die. I feel that I will only forget everything that has happened to me if I kill myself. That's what she felt. Every time.

Napatigil siya sa pag-iisip at napabaling sa pinto ng may kumatok doon.

Then, the door opened showing Clara.

"Kakain na raw," padaskol na sabi ni Clara sa kanya.

Tumango siya saka nagtanong tungkol sa kanina pa gumugulo sa isip niya. "Ikaw ba ang nagbenda sa sugat ko?"

Kumunot ang noo ni Clara. "Hindi. Bakit ko naman gagawin 'yon?" mataray nitong tugon.

Umiling siya. "Wala naman."

Inirapan siya nito saka nauna nang umalis sa kanya. Siya naman ay humugot muna ng malalim na hininga bago naglakad palabas ng kwarto.

Nang makababa siya sa unang palapag ng bahay at nakapasok siya sa kusina, nabitin ang pagbati niya kay Snow na kumakain nang makitang naroon ang ama nito sa hapag-kainan.

Kaagad niyang naalala ang nangyari kagabi. Nagbaba siya ng tingin saka walang imik na umupo sa tabi ni Slow, medyo malayo iyon sa lalaki.

"Good morning, Mommy!" masayang bati sa kanya ni Snow sabay halik sa pisngi niya. "How's your sleep, Mommy?"

She smiled at Snow. "Okay naman. Ikaw? Nakatulog ka ba nang mahimbing?"

Nakangiting tumango si Snow. "Yes po. I slept really well. Pwede mo bang kantahan ulit ako mamaya?"

Napabaling siya sa ama nitong walang imik na kumakain. Hinintay niya ang hindi nito pagpayag pero walang sinabi ang lalaki kaya naman sinagot niya si Snow.