Trapped

Chapter One

Chapter One

I am completely trapped in this cycling, terrible year, lucent of redundancy that I am almost omniscient in. Sixteen years, I have not physically changed in the mirror or to the ones around me and neither have they to me. They are blind to this loop rooted when I became sixteen and blew out my candles. I am tragically confined to this ever-lasting life where I will continue to live the same 365 days.

Change is what I seek and what I desperately desire. I would trade it for anything. I do not like this frozen life where there is no more evolution. No more new feelings. Just the same repetition and routine. Only a few changes happen every year and it is extremely rare. This is my sixteenth year in this time loop. I am supposed to be thirty two soon, but I still feel sixteen. I am treated this age, which is frustrating.

Age is nothing to me now, however. It doesn’t matter and it is completely unnecessary. I now do not see a need to celebrate birthdays…every single one of this year. I fear few things. I love few things. This is all because I know that in the next, same year, it’ll happen again and it won’t be scary or loveable anymore. My emotions have been changed. I have become worn out and feel confined in this year.

It is as if I am claustrophobic. There is this small box. No exit. No air. No change. In this box, I will sure die. If only I was lucky enough in this real life. Suicide is something I have tried more than once, but can never come close to in this year. I am stopped. The year doesn’t want me to die and this is no dream or hallucination. It is one hundred percent, absolutely real, and I continue to live it every single day or life. I will never see heaven. I will never find out why I have been cursed tragically.

The people around me are starting to feel unreal, though. It is ridiculous how they had relieved the same year along with me, but they find no déjà vu or anything. Everything is excitingly new for them.

The year wants me to suffer which is ridiculous since I’ve been good. Santa visits me every year, not that I believe in him or care anymore. My gifts are the same new Ipad, new clothes, and new shoes which are not new to me anymore. Money isn’t even a gift to me anymore. I got personally broke one time and decided to steal money from the bank without trying to be careful. I didn’t care. I was sentenced to jail for a few months, but by that time…the year was over. I am trapped. Save me.

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The first of January has arrived. Happy New Years. There is nothing to be happy about. The year is not new for me. It is the same from last. No resolutions are needed because I will not change myself if my life itself won’t change. Resistance, you may call it. I call it an arrangement with this time loop. The problem is the time loop does not take any arrangements, it continues to spin and turn, ruining my life.

The celebration for the welcoming of a new year I once celebrated has now been erased and deleted from my life. I let the other citizens in New York celebrate it for me.

I begin to think about all the things I faced last year and how I will face them again, only very slightly different. I just wish that I could wake up one day and everything would be different, but no shooting star will help me with my nasty situation.

Looking into the clear mirror on the wall in my bedroom, I see the same fifteen, almost sixteen, year old girl staring at me. I take a picture with my digital camera, the exact same way I always do at the beginning of my repeated year.