RANTS

Internet Crush pt. 1

Basically this is where I will rant because writing is a way to express myself and I need people who can relate.

So basically one day out of nowhere in September this girl texts me on Twitter I didn't even know she existed until that point and she's like "hey 💓" and without questioning it I say "hi" and thus it begins so we end up talking but it's a huge time difference so we would talk whenever we could and it's all going well.

Then a few months passes by I spend my time trying to figure out whether she was gay or not because she would get flirty as hell sometimes such as calling me baby or telling me to take care of myself, sending me hearts, saying she loves me etc. Of course my dumbass starts to questions having feelings for her and then my head would make up scenarios not helping the situation whatsoever.

Anyways I continue to talk to her and at times it seemed like I really was the only one trying to talk to her so after awhile I gave up and she texts me that she misses me and we start talking again. At this point it's already December and we exchange snapchats and we had one conversation where we had gotten into a deep convo on there but then after that everytime I tried to talk to her she would say she felt too sad to talk and that she didn't want to. I wasn't about to be an asshole and show my disappointment that I couldn't talk to her so I let her know I'm there if she ever needs to talk.

The next day I try talking to her again and it's the same thing at this point I start to wonder if she's being honest and as I said before it seemed like it was me all the time just trying to talk to her and I start contemplating just not even talking to her anymore which means removing her as a friend and also I didn't want to get my heart broken by her because I could feel myself getting too invested been there, done that.

I talk it over with a few friends and one of them tells me instead of just blocking her or not talking to her anymore out of nowhere that maybe I should give an explanation. I thought about it because in my head I felt like if we did just stop talking and I gave her my reason of not wanting to get too invested it would've just sounded like shit.

I knew that I wasn't even going to mention it to her because even just seeing her notification on my phone made me smile it would've been too hard.

(Also another fact I forgot to mention):
I didn't even know what she looked like and I was ready to ask her what she looked like but then that's when she said she felt too sad to talk blah blah blah yes I know I'm a fucking idiot for even talking to her without even seeing her face over the internet.

Continuing on so basically the whole time zone thing she's six hours ahead of me so I would wait up into the early hours of the morning seeing if I was going to be able to talk to her and she never texted me. So I wasted precious sleep for this girl.

Then do you want to know fucking what, just wait bitch just wait for this unbelievable bullshit....

SHE REMOVES ME AS A FRIEND ON SNAPCHAT AND ON TWITTER WITHOUT ONE SINGLE FUCKING EXPLANATION

I need a moment to breathe because I'm getting mad all over again.....

*Phew*

Okay I'm good now anyways this fake ass hoe I found out just breaks off any way to contact her. One I'm pissed off because there wasn't an explanation and I had told her vulnerable shit and it takes me awhile to trust people. Two I just can't handle fake people like don't sit there and pretend you like me if you don't ,own up to it and tell me you don't like me.

Anyways I'm salty as hell, I'm confused as hell, I'm irritated as hell someone please give me some advice I have no way of contacting her and letting her know how I feel I need closure.